Who Likes Change?

So honestly I’ve never been one to ever really like change. Even when I was younger I don’t think I was as resilient as other kids around me when it came to change because I always seemed to struggle with it. Even as I continue into adulthood change can still create feelings of anxiety, confusion and discomfort at times. And this can occur with good change too; I think it’s the concept of something being different than it was before that I have trouble accepting, especially when it’s a change that I have no say over. Now don’t get me wrong, certain types of changes can be good, when they produce positive and beneficial differences in life and particular circumstances. But in general I think we struggle with change because it has great influence over our control and expectations. It’s difficult to like change if it’s something you didn’t ask for or that was necessarily warranted, especially if its arrival produces unwelcome challenges. So what do you do when change comes along?

Everyone’s coping mechanisms are different when it comes to dealing with change. Some individuals try to meet change head-on and seek out ways to adjust and adapt, while others try to fight change and work hard to deny it and refuse acceptance of it. Some look to others for support during times of change, whereas other individuals prefer to be alone to cope with it. What’s important to know is that everyone has experienced some form of change in their lives, and while none of the changes may look exactly the same, the ways in which people try to cope with it can look very similar. There are no absolutes when it comes to facing change—no specific right or wrong way to work it out. But you have more control than you think in these situations; you’re the one who gets to decide how you want to approach change in those moments and how much influence it can truly have.

How do you cope with change?

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Feeling Good About Change

Alan Watts QuoteEver think and reflect on your life and think why change is so hard, the fear of the unknown, scared to move forward, afraid of being judged?

You are not alone. Some people know that they need to make changes in their lives. But often, they find themselves taking the path of least resistance and don’t make the changes even if it means remaining unsatisfied. People stay in relationships that aren’t good for them. They keep jobs that bring them no joy. There is nothing wrong with change, especially when it has the potential to bring happiness.

If you do not have the life you desire, you need to make changes to reach your goals.  Change can be difficult and stressful but when you embrace change and recognize all of the good which it can bring to your life; change is no longer frightening. Remember, nothing good was ever achieved without taking a chance and making changes. The key to successful change is to embrace change for all that it is worth and move forward with your goals. Know that there will be setbacks along the way but you have the ability to overcome them.

 

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Embracing Change

By Stacie Prada

In the last three years so much of my life has changed.

My beyond-two-decades-long marriage was ending while my career took a completely unexpected and welcome turn. I moved to a new place, and I had a few surgeries. Valued in-person friendships were no longer nearby, and they shifted to Facebook interactions. All of my daily routines I had in place no longer fit into my new life, and I spent a lot of time redesigning them. Often it felt like my entire life was tossed in the air and landed scattered on the ground. Picking up the pieces and deciding how to arrange them again took up a lot of my time and mental energy.

Any of these changes would have been big for me, but juggling them all at once took a lot of effort. MS was a factor in this because I strove to maintain my health throughout these changes. My biggest goal was to avoid an MS exacerbation, and, fortunately, I succeeded.

Experiencing change can alter how I view the world, myself, my past, my future, and the people around me. It’s a mental shift from what I thought I could count on to knowing how vulnerable and impermanent everything can be.  The diagnosis of MS made me question my body’s abilities and health. I thought my body was strong and healthy. Being diagnosed led me to realize that a healthy and mobile future isn’t necessarily in my control. I can eat right, exercise, and get checkups, and still have no guarantee for good health or the ability to walk in my elder years.

Adjusting to change is a skill I’ve cultivated to save my sanity and bring myself mental peace. Some years ago, my New Year’s Resolution was to “Embrace the things that I resist.” It was a great experience acknowledging when I was resisting things and actively shedding the internal resistance I had to doing them. When I was nervous about running a public meeting, I decided to dive in and just do my best. When I liked a fashion choice that I thought might be too flashy, I decided to try it anyway. When the group sang karaoke, I got up in front of the group with my not-great singing voice and sang my heart out. I knew I might sound terrible or look silly, but I let myself have fun doing it.

My personal challenge that year allowed me to think about and recognize why I resisted things, and it helps to think about it when dealing with change. Most of the time my resistance stemmed from the following:

  • Uncertainty for what the next step was or how to decide
  • Being afraid that following that step would lead to an outcome I feared
  • Being overwhelmed from the quantity of things to deal with at that moment
  • Fear of making a mistake, making what I would later judge as a wrong decision, failing, or being judged negatively by others
  • Holding on to a belief that I have control over the future, others, or anything other than what I do, say or believe.

Coping with change:

With MS, a lot of change stems from the domino effect of losing mobility, cognition and physical abilities. Focusing on these losses can lead to depression and a sense of doom. When an exacerbation hits, it’s natural to worry about where it will lead and how it will affect the future. It’s all understandable and natural, but it’s also incredibly unsettling, frustrating and just plain hard. I try to embrace changes I’m resisting by doing the following:

  1. Recognize that feeling unsettled, nervous or fearful is natural. Accept it will be stressful but try to do what I can to minimize the stress.
  2. Think about why the change is stressful. Does it require changing my life, my relationships, or just my attitude?
  3. Seek inspiration and motivation from people who have lived through a similar change. What insight can they lend?
  4. Pace myself. Take on only a few extra tasks each week or month, and reduce some of the things that aren’t necessary for my physical or mental health. Know that my regular life still requires a lot of energy, and something needs to give temporarily.
  5. Know the deadlines and what’s at risk if they aren’t met. Give myself enough time to do things, but not too much so that it feels never-ending.
  6. Break down the steps to dealing with change into smaller doable tasks to avoid getting overwhelmed.
  7. Prioritize based on importance, deadlines, and energy level. If my energy is low, I’ll do the easy tasks for now and the more involved tasks at a time of day when I have more energy. Certain things may also be able to wait months.
  8. Wait to start until I’m ready to commit. I keep a list of things to do, but I don’t start until I’m ready to do them and complete them.
  9. Set realistic expectations and ambitious dreams.
  10. Look forward to something. Whether it’s seeing kids or grandkids grow up and being a part of their lives, traveling, dancing, watching the sun set, or anything else small or large that brings joy.
  11. Enjoy the path I’m on even when portions of it are difficult. Give myself credit for all of the things I do that aren’t hard because I’ve put so much effort in the past into getting better at them.
  12. Trust that I’ll do what I think is right for me each step of the way and that it’s enough.

Dealing with change has been a learned skill for me, and it’s taken a lot of effort to cultivate that skill. It’s been worth the effort to reduce my internal stress and increase my sense of contentment. Relaxing into and embracing change has improved my confidence, given me opportunities and experiences beyond my expectations, and made for a much more satisfied and joy-filled life.

*Stacie Prada was diagnosed with RRMS in 2008 at the age of 38.  Her blog, “Keep Doing What You’re Doing” is a compilation of inspiration, exploration, and practical tips for living with Multiple Sclerosis while living a full, productive, and healthy life with a positive perspective. It includes musings on things that help her adapt, cope and rejoice in this adventure on earth. Please visit her at http://stacieprada.blogspot.com/ 

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August 2016 Artist of the Month: Celebrating the Work of Artists Affected by Multiple Sclerosis

MSAA is very proud to present our 2016-17 Art Showcase – celebrating the work of artists affected by MS.

We have received many wonderful submissions from across the country and are delighted to share their work and their stories with you. Please visit our online gallery to view all of the new submissions.

August Artist of the Month:
Carol Tomlin – Woodbine, NJ
Summer at Old Faithful Inn 1904

Carol Tomlin - Summer at Old Faithful Inn 1904

About the Artist:
“In 2003 I began stumbling while scouting for deer hunting areas with my husband Clarence. I was soon diagnosed with MS. Hands now shaky, I can no longer enjoy painting and even had to leave my job. With time on my hands I continued to exercise by working the family farm.

Determined to paint again, I had a cabin constructed on the place where my husband and I loved to sit together and watch the wild game in the back yard. There I found the peace I needed to steady my hand and paint again.”
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