A Short Fuse with MS – Community Feedback


Tick, tick, tick…boom! That’s the sound of explosive “word vomit,” the result of a broken brain filter, the final moments of a shortening fuse. Many MS-ers have experienced this 0-60 build of anger in situations that would normally cause little concern. So, our fabulous contributor, Lisa Emrich, decided to do a little digging and see if this shortening fuse was actually linked to MS. Her article was a hit! While the research data may not be clear-cut, the community’s reaction certainly was:

This is so me!

  • THIS IS ME!!! I have a very short fuse and very little “filter” on what I say when I “blow.” I don’t mean to act like that and it upsets me when I lose it, but I can’t seem to stop it either.
  • This is me, too. I’m a really nice, caring person but…with a really short fuse. I also tend to speak without thinking, which has gotten me in trouble.
  • I’m the same way! And I don’t mean to be. I have never been like this before and when I say “it’s the MS” I get the “yeah, right” look from some people.

It’s worse when I multitask.

  • I find that when there is too much going on around me I cant keep up, and it is so aggravating!
  • If I’m doing just one thing and then end up having to multitask AND answer questions or listen to someone talk, I break down.
  • My fuse goes when there are multiple people/activities demanding my attention. I’ve discovered that I can only focus on one thing at one time. When that one thing is taken care of, then I can usually move to the next thing.

Sometimes I just want to scream “Shut up!”

  • As soon as it starts I try to tell people to stop and hush for a bit, but they don’t understand, or they roll their eyes, or they keep talking,. Then they comment on how they AREN’T talking. My point is, there is never silence, and sometimes, I need silence.
  • The fact that people in the office feel the need to yell because they don’t seem to have inside voices just makes it that much worse.
  • Some people just know how to push the hell out of my buttons!!!

My poor family gets the brunt of it.

  • The only way for me to deal with it is to declare to my three teens “I’m way off my A game today, so please bear with me.”
  • I am so frustrated, and it is ruining my relationships with people, especially my poor child!
  • I’ve found that too many demands for my attention at one time creates a very unlovable person—my family puts up with a lot.
  • I hate it. It requires, love, patience, and understanding from the spouse!

I’m not me; this isn’t who I am.

  • I have done a complete 180 since my diagnosis in 99. I used to have a REALLY long fuse, but I’ve started snapping more and becoming more passive-aggressive.
  • I don’t even know who I am anymore!? It’s so hard.
  • I can blow up in a second if things aren’t the way they’re suppose to be, and that’s not me!
  • I never had this issue before. Now I tell people that “my bitch switch has a hair trigger.”

Does this sound familiar? Have you experienced an inexplicably short temper? Share your experience with us!


Making Comparisons with MS – Community Feedback

There are so many aspects of living with MS that are frustrating, and sometimes those frustrations occur when interacting with people who do not have MS. One of our amazing contributors, Ashley Ringstaff, shared her feelings about people comparing their experiences with things like fatigue, pain, numbness, and other symptoms with those symptoms in someone who has MS. Many of our community members shared their thoughts and experiences with us after reading Ashley’s article, “You Can’t Compare…”. Here is what they had to say:

“Healthy” People Just Don’t Understand

  • This is something that I just cannot seem to communicate to certain people who don’t have MS or have never been chronically ill. “Healthy” people just cannot empathize, and I know because I used to be one and now my experience is completely different.
  • The best is when people who know I have MS contact me and tell me they feel they are having symptoms and think they might have MS too – as if I can diagnose them! I try to see it from their perspective but it’s very difficult. ‪Also when I say I’m fatigued- they say they get that way too all the time! I want to explain to them that they have no idea. But I just smile.
  • When I try to talk to family members, they say they get dizzy, or they stagger around, etc. I just stop talking and tell them they should get checked out. Even my husband doesn’t totally understand what I go through on a daily basis. I just get so frustrated that I can’t do everything I use to do.
  • I hate that my best friend who I haven’t been able to see that much in the past year constantly compares my issue with MS to her chronic pain in her hip, telling me she knows exactly how I feel.
  • When I tell people I can’t be in the heat (for me it’s anything above 70) they say “I don’t like the heat either”. I just look at them dumbfounded. I want to yell “When was the last time you got warm and couldn’t lift your legs to walk or think yourself.
  • You know, it is natural to feel this way. I am a 15-year stroke survivor and am irritated when someone (who has never experienced a stroke) says they know how I feel. The best common factor I’ve found is any type of trauma.

It’s really not possible to compare

  • You can’t even compare your symptoms with others experience who do have MS, or for that matter, I can’t even compare the last time I had a given symptom to what I experience this time.
  • I know there are many people in the world with diseases that are even worse than MS, so who compares what anyway? Just try to feel good for yourself and forget about complaining.
  • It’s next to impossible to explain what having multiple sclerosis is like to people.

“Healthy” People offer a lot of unsolicited advice

  • They ask how I am feeling, so I tell them. The response is always “have you tried such and such” or “that happens to me, too.” Now I only share my symptoms and feelings with medical professionals and a couple of friends who truly do understand. Family? Forget it.
  • I love when people say “you would feel better if you lose weight or eat healthier” or the classic “exercise would make you feel great”. My family and friends mean well but don’t always say the right things.

“Healthy” People are just trying to relate to us – it’s harmless

  • I like to be more optimistic – I believe, most of the time, they are trying to relate. Unless they are significant in my life, I don’t try to differentiate.
  • I feel the majority are trying to empathize. Most just don’t know how to react when you tell them you have MS because they don’t understand what it means.

What about you? Do you find that “healthy” people try to compare their symptoms with yours? Share with us in the comments!


Fatigue and Insomnia – Community Feedback


Fatigue is one of the most common symptoms among those with MS, but this fatigue is not the same as just being tired. And to make matters worse, it’s possible to be completely exhausted but unable to sleep. Our amazing contributor, Ashley Ringstaff, recently wrote an article called “Extremely Tired….but Can’t Sleep.” She says, “I can be completely exhausted where I can’t do a lot, I have no energy to even move all day, and when it’s finally time for bed, I will lay there hoping I will get some much needed sleep. But sometimes, that’s not the case.” As it turns out, many of our community members could relate to Ashley’s story. Here’s what they had to say:

I find that I’m always tired but have trouble sleeping at night

  • I need naps in the afternoon and then can’t fall asleep at night. I seem to wake up at 3:00am almost every night. I’m lucky if I sleep more than 4 hours at a time. It’s very frustrating, but at least I don’t have to get up for work.
  • This has been a new symptom for me in the last 12 months it is driving me crazy. I take trazadone for sleep, and it has worked for over 20 years but it doesn’t seem to work anymore. The summer also seems to make it worse. I am barely functioning during the day.

 I haven’t slept more than a few hours a day for the past 6 months. I can feel the effect on my whole body.
  • MS has given me insomnia.
  • This happens to me all the time. I used to sleep 10 hours a night, anywhere, anytime! I miss that so much. But even getting some sleep now does not mean feeling rested.
  • This was me last night. I was tired but up until 5:00am, then slept until 9:30am. I’m exhausted but my body is ready to party.

‪This is me exactly! One reason I had to leave my job was because I was falling asleep around 3pm. At night my mind goes 100 miles per hour, so hard to shut it off but during the day I can’t remember what I was doing.
  • I’ve gone 7 days now with only 15 hours of sleep. In my opinion, this is this is the most irritating part of this disease.
  • People don’t believe me when I say how tired I am. They just don’t understand.

Even when I do sleep, I’m exhausted

  • I slept 10 hours last night and woke up exhausted. I spent the day riding around with a friend looking for yard sales. My body is so tired my legs don’t want to work now.
  • I think I sleep well for a while, and then I wake up. It takes hours for me to fall back to sleep, but I wake up every morning fatigued, and some mornings dizzy and disoriented.

I’ve found a few methods to help with my insomnia and fatigue

  • Meditating can help to “shut off” your brain when you’re trying to go to sleep.
  • I have tried multiple drugs, techniques, yoga, baths and meditation. I exercise frequently too, which helps when I am up for it.
  • I have had this on and off since being diagnosed in 2004. Some things that might help include taking a warm shower or bath a little before bed time or using a little lavender essential oil on your chest.
  • I only get about 5 hours a night if I’m lucky. I lay down at 11 30 but my brain won’t shut down. I read and listen to music to relax enough. Last night I had to take my lorazapam to finally fall asleep at 3am.
  • I’m lucky to get 5 hours of continuous sleep any night. I have done the sleep study. I lost significant weight some years ago, which resolved the sleep apnea. I take naps when the fatigue has taken its toll. I have accepted insomnia as my normal. I find it easier to work with it than to fight it. I do some of my best work at 0 Dark-Thirty AM.

What about you? Do you have trouble sleeping despite being tired? Share with us in the comments!


Describing MS and its symptoms – Community Feedback

Living with an invisible illness like MS can be so difficult in so many ways. It is very common for people with MS to express frustration when it comes to getting others to understand how they are feeling and what they are going through. One of the contributors at MultipleSclerosis.net, Laura Kolczkowski, wrote an article about how she describes her MS symptoms, and a great number of our community members responded. Here’s what they had to say:

This is how I describe my symptoms

  • The MS hug I have feels like the cramp you get when you have a coughing fit and your stomach or ribs cramp up. Also it feels like Braxton Hicks contractions. I’ve lost the motor skills in my right hand. Writing with a pen has become nearly impossible. Those are a few descriptions I’ve used.
  • They keep asking why am I not smiling? I say, “well its hard to smile when it feels like your being boiled in oil, but I will try and do better.”
  • When doctors ask me how do you feel, I say, “Worse than yesterday, better than I will feel tomorrow.”
  • It’s very hard to explain. When asked, “how are you?” I usually say, “I’m doing okay.” Sometimes I say, “I’m doing well.” I wish I could say that with sincerity though! I just don’t want to seem like a downer all the time.
  • I get tired of hearing, “what do you mean you don’t feel so good? You look great.” I just smile and say thank you and stop talking. It’s just easier.
  • I say I am doing unreasonably well.

It’s really difficult to get people to understand

  • It’s so hard to get people who are around you to understand. There are times that I feel like just getting up and going to the bathroom is a chore. I’m sure people now see me as lazy. I was once not long ago full of energy and got stuff done. Now, doing the dishes or going for walks wipes me out for hours.
  • I don’t bother “describing MS & its symptoms” anymore.
  • I have been diagnosed with MS for over 9 years and my husband who has been with me all of that time still thinks I am faking the fatigue because some days I do have energy! He will never get it!
  • If you can communicate MS symptoms, how awful you feel, balance issues, fatigue etc., then people friends view us as “crippled”, less capable, and then THAT is our label. I am still looking for the happy middle ground. I am not a crippled person every day and that is the difficulty others have problems understanding, even some professionals.
  • My daughter in law had said to me, “if you just get up and try to exercise..” How could I when I couldn’t even walk? My son would say the same thing – there’s nothing wrong with you. I know somebody that has MS and they don’t look like that.
  • I don’t bother “describing MS & its symptoms” anymore.
  • When I am having a horrible flair and my speech and walking are affected, then people act like, “oh, poor baby”, but days that I “look” normal and sound normal, I hear, “well, you must be cured.”
  • ‪ I also don’t bother describing MS symptoms any more. I just say I’m fine. Most people aren’t interested.
  • Unless you look absolutely pathetic a lot of people do not think anything is wrong with you. But I will still have a smile on my face and keep on being positive despite having MS. I am not letting it beat me.
  • ‪I understand people think if they can’t see the problem you don’t have one. Lots of time my back hurts so bad I can’t stand it, but if they don’t see it they don’t understand.
  • I choose to not tell people that I’m sick.
  • I actually I have been accused of trying to be manipulative. It’s terrible.
  • There are some people in my family who, if I’m wearing a brace on my foot/leg, and they think I’m just wearing it to get attention.
  • This happens too many times. MS is truly invisible except to us.

What about you? Do people assume you are fine because you don’t “look” sick? How do you describe your MS symptoms to help people understand?


The MS Hug – Our community shares their experiences


MS is associated with a whole host of common symptoms, like numbness and tingling, vision problems, weakness, cognitive deficits, among many others. But then there are symptoms that are less “text book,” and therefore not as well defined. One such symptom is the MS Hug. Cathy Chester, one of the contributors and patient advocates who writes regularly for MultipleSclerosis.net, wrote a wonderful article describing the MS hug, including her own personal experience with this frustrating symptom. It turns out that many of our community members also deal with the MS Hug on a regular basis, and many of them shared their thoughts with us in response to Cathy’s article. Here’s what our community had to say:

I didn’t know what an MS Hug was the first time I had one

  • I’ve had it happen a few times. The first time I went to the emergency room because I thought I was having a heart attack.
  • I had one LONG before I was diagnosed, after the birth of my child. I only recently read about it and realized what it actually was!
  • I have had two – one before I was diagnosed. I took an ambulance ride I thought I was having a heart attack. I then had one about a month ago. It hurt so badly it felt like my lungs were being squeezed.
  • I had my first MS attack when I was 12 weeks pregnant I thought I was having a heart attack couldn’t even lift my left arm up.
  • I’ve experienced the MS hug 3 times in 3 years. It’s a scary feeling. I felt like my entire body was in a vice. I don’t ever want to experience one again, not sure what brought it on. I thought I was having a heart attack, but thankfully that wasn’t the case.
  • I can’t believe this. I just recently, as in yesterday, started having this “hug” pain and wasn’t sure if I pulled a muscle or if it was another wonderful MS “thing” that I was experiencing…thank goodness I came across this.

I find ways to cope with an MS Hug

  • I do adaptive yoga for MS (Yoga Moves MS). They have taught us a banana stretch lying flat on our backs. I do this every day. I use to have the hugs several times a day, but now maybe once a month if at all.
  • I can feel it coming on, so I just have to relax and ride it out! It can take 48 hours or more.

I really struggle with MS Hugs

  • These are the worst ever hugs; I wish that they would never happen to us.
  • I get a quarter hug – just the front on one side – usually the left. That’s enough for me. I don’t like it at all!
  • It’s more like the MS python!
  • It’s the worse hug in the world. I don’t want another at all.
  • I get them sometimes, I think it’s like a big snake wrapping itself around me and squeezing tight! It isn’t very pleasant at all!
  • When I get over-tired, I get squeezed.
  • They are horrible – it’s painful and hard to breathe. Those are the kind of hugs I can do without!!!
  • I had one recently during a relapse…no fun!
  • I take Flexeril almost daily and it still hurts. I also was glad to come across this very thing a couple weeks ago too!
  • It isn’t fun at all, since you never know when it’s going to hit.
  • Hugs are supposed to be nice. This is more like a vice.
  • I call it the death grip because it felt like a boa constrictor was squeezing me for almost 3 days.

People who don’t have MS don’t understand what it’s like

  • I stopped telling anybody about the hugs and any other issues or pain. Nobody understands unless they have experienced it. My husband says, “just work through it!!” For everything. Really?
  • My husband doesn’t get it. When I am going through a 24 hour fatigue he says I get tired to I just don’t sleep like you do I just deal with it. Ugh! It’s just not worth an argument

Even my doctors don’t know what an MS hug is

  • The first MS hug I’ve ever had I thought it was a heart attack. The hospital checked me out and I was fine. My Neurologist said that it was a MS hug, like I would know this. The doctor at the hospital did not know this. Go figure.
  • My doctors don’t even know what it is, like usual with my symptoms they say its not related.
  • Had one of these 5 years ago and I was rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack, as the medical staff had never heard of an MS Hug!

How about you? Have you ever had an MS Hug? What have you done to find relief? Share with us in the comments!


Community Thoughts on Apologizing for MS

The impact of MS on a person’s every day life can be profound. There are good days, and then other days that are just downright terrible, for a whole host of reasons. One of the contributors at MultipleSclerosis.net, Nicole Lemelle, wrote an absolutely touching story about one of her particularly bad MS days where she had embarrassing trouble with incontinence, and her husband stood by her side. She shared: He asked me “Are you alright?” Totally embarrassed, I shook my head yes and continued to softly cry. He lifted me to my feet and walked me over to the toilet. I sat there while he helped me get my clothes off and then assisted me as I got into the bathtub. I ran the water and he got me towels. As I sat in the tub soaking he cleaned the urine off the floor. It was taking him a while as it had spread throughout the bathroom. I sat in the tub watching him. I started to think that he didn’t sign up for this. If I were only normal again this would have never happened. I just kept saying, “I‘m sorry. I‘m sorry. I‘m sorry.” From his hands and knees while crouching in urine, he looked at me and said, “Don’t ever apologize for having MS.”

Nicole’s story struck a chord with our community, and so many people reached out to share their thoughts and stories with us. Here is what they had to say (and to read Nicole’s full article, click here.)

It’s hard to deal with bad MS days

  • Reading anything from Nicole usually makes me cry, and today is of no exception. I’m stuck in bed going on a month now with my latest “perfect storm”. Ear infections in both ears, a sinus infection, and the recent diagnosis of Mono is simply too much to handle right now. I also got the bad news that I’m too sick to fly to Florida and see my son graduate from high school. MS has taken so much from me that I don’t recognize myself anymore.
  • ‪I wish we MS people could all just get together and have a good cry sometimes.
  • I feel so out of place at times.
  • I can sadly relate to every word! I don’t remember what normal was like. I find myself often wondering what my life would have been like, if not for MS.
  • I’m saying a prayer for you. Your post made me cry, for you, for all of us. I’ve missed “normal” the past few years, but especially the past few months. It’s gotten very hard. I almost don’t remember what “normal” is, and maybe that’s a good thing.
  • I work a full time job and also have epilepsy (seizure free 10 years now). I have to do my shot on Friday night which, in turn, takes my Saturday away because I am sick. Not much of a life. Makes me so angry
  • I’m forever apologizing!
  • I feel like I have been put in a corner my family buzzing around me. I feel like a nonentity and like I shouldn’t be around
  • Thankfully my husband and now grown children understand completely. However my mom, who is staying with me for the next six weeks, just worries and does not understand if I take a nap that lasts until the next day. She fears something is wrong with me but won’t accept it MS that is wrong with me. My husband is away on business for the next three weeks causing me to do all the tasks at home. Cooking, cleaning, shopping. Things I could always do without a thought or care and now I struggle to complete and suffer after.
  • When I got my diagnosis last summer I cried on my husband’s chest as he hugged me. I have so much guilt of putting him through this life with this and that I may have given this to my kids. I miss me and I miss our lives before this. We were long distance cyclists, runners, skiers, scuba divers, horseback riders and now…?

I no longer apologize for my MS

  • I used to apologize all the time for being unable to do things and finally I woke up! I was at a family event and my mother was pushing me to do something I was unable to do and I apologized, and then suddenly it dawned on me, and I said NO, I do NOT apologize! I can’t do this and it’s NOT my fault, whether you want to believe it or not I’m ill and you shouldn’t even ask me to do it.
  • Reading your words made me feel more normal (what’s normal anyway?), made me sympathize, made me cry for myself and for anyone else with any nasty disease to deal with BUT your words made me realize that I don’t have to be SORRY for having MS.
  • I like everything you said about not apologizing. Right now I’m in the hospital and asking so many people to help do things at my house. I HATE IT!!! Someone is going to stay there. Meanwhile I have no clue what my body is doing this time. I’m scared I won’t return to how I was last week. I want someone to be there for me like your husband. Mine left years ago because I was no fun


  • I also have been struggling for 20+ years. I’m 47, and I feel exactly the same way every day but we are alive and on this earth if only just to comfort & support…be strong inside.
  • I have never felt the need to be normal, before my diagnosis and after. Normal is boring. I have always been different and always embraced it. As they say, “different stokes for different folks.
  • And I thought I was the only one with a husband that goes above and beyond! He’s always trying to fix things-it’s sweet, but every now and then I have to remind him I’m not fixable at the moment! He means well
  • Oh my God. This is my story as well, but it happened in the hallway on carpet. My husband didn’t bat an eye. It’s just carpet he said.
  • I don’t feel I need to apologize for not being able to do something.
  • After your initial diagnosis of MS there is no normal. I have learned to appreciate the good days and plow through the bad days. Reading what everyone writes helps me know I am not alone. God bless you all.
  • Sounds like my husband. I am totally blessed with a man who loves me despite this horrid disease
  • Please don’t be discouraged. Your life has become something different. It’s hard to imagine, but life has a strange way of presenting new realities sometimes. Your husband is an angel sent to help; I too have an angel and I am thankful every day.
  • I remember before 2006 I would go out have fun, dance. I don’t do any of that any more, especially at night. At around 3:00pm I start going down hill. If I’m up and out I try to be home around 3. Having MS truly changed my life. I have a truly wonderful caring husband who loves me unconditionally. GOD made that possible.
  • This IS normal! And it’s not like we camped out at MS headquarters to get a jump on anybody else so we could be first to get this great disease. Nobody knows why we get MS, but I’m pretty sure it’s not our fault. We do the best we can on any given day. And if wetting our pants is part of that day, then so it is. It’s messy, but how bad is that? I’m glad you have loving patient partner to help.
  • I have been re-reading this article over the last couple of weeks. It so touchingly addresses the fear and shame that underlies the diagnosis of MS I’ve been getting my head around since February. Always the strong person, the one who is leaned on, who am I if my strength is gone? Well, reading your words shifted that perspective. Your sharing of this shows your strength, the strength of your relationship and the guts to look at things in the eye. Thanks so much for sharing this.

What about you? Do you find yourself apologizing for your MS? Please share your thoughts with us!


The first “Ask Me Anything” on MultipleSclerosis.net!


You may have heard of one of the latest trends in social media discussion forums, called “Ask Me Anything”, or “AMA”, popularized by websites like Reddit. An AMA is a common chat topic or general discussion forum thread in which people ask someone who is an expert in a certain area questions relating to his or her life or expertise. Last month, MultipleSclerosis.net hosted our first AMA event on our Facebook page, and it was amazing! The event was hosted by our team of moderators in honor of MS Awareness month, with the goal of providing a set time where members of our community could ask our team anything about MS symptoms (our chosen theme for this particular event). The results were tremendous! Our first AMA prompted over 240 posts in just one hour – including questions, comments, and replies – which averages out to about 4 posts per minute!

Though the main theme of the AMA was MS Symptoms, a wide variety of topics were discussed, including rights at work, discontent treating physicians, how to provide support to relatives and loved ones who have MS, how to manage fatigue, what it means to have secondary progressive MS, and what to do upon first receiving an MS diagnosis.

Our moderators and team answered the community’s questions based on personal experience as well as the wealth of articles on MultipleSclerosis.net. Here is a brief summary of some of the topics that were discussed!

I’m unhappy with the treatment I’m receiving from my current neurologist. One place to start is by taking a look at a registry of MS experts here. The National Multiple Sclerosis Society may also be able to provide recommendations for practitioners in your area. Additionally, attending patient meetings can be very helpful for coping with many aspects of having MS, and they also serve as a great source of information like names of good doctors.

What can I do to manage my MS fatigue? Believe it or not, exercise actually helps some people with MS manage their fatigue. – It stimulates certain chemicals in the brain to make us feel better. Working full time while taking care of one’s family is exhausting for MSers. Another idea would be to try meditation or yoga for its calming and healing effects.

What are my rights at work with regard to disclosing my condition, and receiving the support that I need? The ADA requires an employer to provide assistive equipment/aids so someone who is disabled can continue doing his or her work. It also prohibits the employer from firing someone for being disabled, but does not protect you from termination if the employer cites other reasons. It is also important to contact someone in your Human Resources (HR) department if your company has one. Those who work in HR are experts in this subject. Our expert, Cathy, also wrote a great article about helping those who are disabled look for work.

How can I be helpful to a loved one who has MS who lives far from me? One of the best ways to provide support is to be there for loved ones when they need to talk, and show an interest in how this is affecting her or her life. Ask her how she’s doing, and listen to her response.

What is secondary progressive MS? Secondary progressive MS is a type of MS. While relapsing-remitting MS is the most common type of the condition, secondary progressive MS impacts many in the MS community. Here is some more information on SPMS.

What does it mean to be in remission? Being in “remission” doesn’t necessarily mean that your symptoms completely disappear (some people will return to feeling exactly as they did before the exacerbation began). Stephanie wrote a very comprehensive article on relapses and remission in her MS 101 on understanding relapses.

Where should a person who was just diagnosed with MS start? You should start with a request to see a neurologist– preferably one who specializes in MS – and have a complete workup of your history and an MRI. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to find answers.

We truly appreciate all of our community members who participated in our first AMA, and of course our amazing team of moderators who were feverishly responding to all of the questions during a very exciting hour! We will definitely be hosting more AMAs in the future, so we will keep the community updated when we have the next one scheduled!


Community Thoughts on Missing the Way Things Were

For people living with multiple sclerosis, it’s easy to dream of the life we had prior to being afflicted with this condition. So much of our everyday lives is shaped by MS, we often find ourselves missing the way things were. One of the amazing contributors at MultipleSclerosis.net, Marc Stecker (also known as the Wheelchair Kamikaze), wrote a poignant piece on missing his former self, called “I Miss Me”. We shared his article on our Facebook page and received a tremendous amount of feedback from our community about what it’s like to miss the “old you”. Here is what some of our community members had to say:

I’ve said the same thing to others!

  • Funny, I said that to my neurologist shortly after I was diagnosed last year.
  • I just said something similar to my sweetie the other day…that I would like to have my life back. I feel as though it’s been taken from me.

I thought I was the only one!

  • And I just thought it was me.
  • I really miss me!!!!!! I didn’t know there were others who felt this!
  • I despise that I “miss me” BUT am relieved that I’m not the only one “Missing”.
  • I always have moments of missing the old me. Glad it’s not only me thinking this way.
  • I say this so much, but when I try to put things on my page or try and explain how hurts, even my family ignores it. I was glad to see this and know I’m not alone. I say to myself every day I miss me.

I Miss Me too!

  • I miss me a lot!!
  • What a well-written blog which perfectly describes the life so many of us live. Or should I say have lived. I am amongst the very elderly whose future time on this earth will be very short. You too, will adjust constantly to your new normal.
  • I mourn and miss the old me. I can’t believe who I’ve become; however it’s a new challenge and who knows what I can be and what new experiences lie ahead that I would never have had. Stay positive guys.
  • I shared with a friend recently, “I miss me, who I used to be.” Her reply… “No, now that person is still down in there somewhere.” I’m exasperated. People really don’t know!!!
  • I just want the old me back!
  • Wow! This is the first time a tag line has smacked me in the face! Even though I’ve been very lucky, as I pondered this “I Miss Me,” I suddenly felt very sad. I do miss me. Even though I haven’t been “obviously” affected by MS, there are so many hidden things, the fatigue, weakness, ability to think quickly, balance, and stamina, that yes, I am not the “me” I once was. I do miss ME. Thank you for a great article.
  • What I miss about the old me is being able to do ANYTHING I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it!! Now, I have to accept the help of others, where I was the one always volunteering my abilities to those in need.
  • ‪I do miss most of the old me!!!! But I have welcomed most of the new me, with very few regrets.
  • I was missing for 15 years. I felt myself slowly slipping away, more and more the last 5 years though. It’s awful.
  • I understand just how you feel. I miss dancing a lot! Stay strong
  • I miss myself so much! I just want to be able to be normal again and go to a ball game and climb up the bleachers and just walk around the yard without tripping in a hole and fix a meal or brownies without getting exhausted!
  • I miss me! I miss being able to bounce out of bed, being able to run, to dance to skip/hop/jump whatever! . I miss the reality of being able to chase my dreams. I miss me.
  • I have to believe that everyone misses the earlier version of himself or herself as they age, too.
  • Thank you for sharing. I say this a lot. I miss what I used to be able to do and can’t. I don’t even know who “me” is anymore. My identity was through my work and my child and all the things I could do for others and now I often wonder, “who am I?”
  • I am beginning to hate the new me!!!
  • I get so depressed if I start to think about original me.
  • I miss me like crazy!!!!! I say that to myself EVERYDAY
  • I want to run, even though I was not a runner!
  • I read his blog, it’s so insightful. My every move is fraught with thought. I miss the “me” that was.
  • Great article! It’s depressing to think about what MS stole from me but I know there are others who have it worse than I do and I try to stay positive. Keep writing it helps to know I am not alone.
  • I want me back, but I don’t see that happening.
  • Just learning to accept there is a new me but so hard to let go of the old me.
  • Things that seemed so simple are now a struggle. Thanks MS–NOT!
  • I miss being me. Feeling like I can do anything. I miss having a job, and making money.
  • Wow, this is so powerful! I miss me and have been missing me for 16 years now! I don’t know how many times I say I want my OLD life back!

What about you? Do you miss a previous version of yourself? Please share with us in the comments!


Myoclonus – heightened sensitivity and MS

There are many unpleasant symptoms that are well understood to be associated with multiple sclerosis, like fatigue, cognitive impairment, and spasticity. But there are also symptoms that occur in people with MS that aren’t commonly discussed, and may actually be overlooked by patients and physicians. One of our contributors, Matt, wrote an article about how his “startle reflex” is extremely sensitive, and it actually has a detrimental effect on his quality of life. This symptom, also known as myoclonus, impacts many people with MS, but it appears that many people don’t realize it was actually related to their MS. After reading Matt’s article, “Myoclonus – Why do I startle so easily?”, many of our community members shared their thoughts and experiences with us. Here’s what several of them had to say!

I experience this too!

  • I have this too!!!! Loud noises such as a loud TV or radio. People talking loudly or children screaming. My senses are all affected, including my hearing, eyesight, and smell.
  • So THAT’s what that is!
  • I have this problem too and I get really agitated by it. I’ve always been jumpy, but more so in the past 5 years.
  • I have this too. It’s gotten to where I can’t even be where there are large groups of people, and even the sound of my own voice will rattle me. And I have gotten to where I don’t like to talk or socialize at all because of how much noise bothers me.
  • I am also very sensitive to noise and I have strange sea like sound in my left ear.
  • Thank you Matt for an excellent accounting of your journey with Myoclonus. I too, have had a major relapse and experience a higher sensitivity to certain things, one being sound. My neurologist and I have been working on subduing the worst and working our way down.
  • Klonopin does not work for me. I take Nucynta at night and it helps, but the side effects are very unpleasant. It’s a very strong narcotic for pain. It takes away the “jerky” movement but it makes me incredibly anxious. I have not found anything else to remotely make the myoclonus better. I have high hopes for the future of medicine because I cannot fathom anyone living like this for the rest of their lives.

I didn’t know there was a specific diagnosis for this symptom!

  • I decided to share this as some of my friends might find it interesting. It is part of a long list of very odd symptoms I have acquired, and it was helpful to me when I found that this “weird sensory sensitivity” had a name, myoclonus. Psychologically, for some reason, the fact that there is a name for this condition is validating, and helps, somehow, to know that there are others dealing with this odd affliction that is not easily understood.
  • I’ve always thought my exaggerated startle reflex was related to MS, but this is the first time I’ve seen it in print.
  • I didn’t know what it was going on. It’s even worse in evening with the TV, my husband talking over the TV, the dog barking at the cat, etc. It’s sensory overload!! Now you’ve validated that it’s an MS symptom.
  • Good post Matt, I have same symptoms, but flashes of bright light, sound and other stimuli, including stress, are involved. I had not tried to find out what it was called, but I knew it was brain and spinal lesions behind it – I am glad to hear it has a name.
  • Oh my goodness, this was one of the new symptoms I developed about a year ago! My phone going off would startle me, the door slamming throws me into a panic attack, loud noises especially in the evenings seem so much louder and ear piercing.
  • I have this really bad and the doctor, not my neurologist, always told me it was my Graves’ disease.
  • I am so grateful to read this article. I developed this startle problem in the past 10 years since I was diagnosed with MS. I remember at times I was so startled it was actually painful. I don’t seem to do it as much as I once did, but good to know I wasn’t crazy. Thanks for your article.
  • I can not thank you enough for writing about this because, like many I never connected this with being a symptom of MS and I never told my neurologist that this was a frequent experience of mine.

People don’t understand the impact this has on my life

  • I was never so resentful. I have to keep reminding people who know I have MS to calm down so I can calm down too.
  • If someone raises his voice I begin trembling. I’m young, but old enough to not be comfortable about that observation. It’s getting worse too
  • I knew startling was MS, but it’s nice to know that others are affected by people walking behind them. I had someone come around my desk to look at my computer and I got so nervous I had to ask him to move away from me. I felt like a great big “meanie”, but you have to do what you have to do.
  • This particular symptom has affected me tremendously in the social aspect. For many years I could not have been more frightened to be around anybody doing anything because they feared that I would have uncontrollable muscle spasm. The reactions I got were not totally bizarre, however I noticed that it was not just me who was disturbed by my symptoms, yet most people tend to feel very uncomfortable around me because most people think that they are causing me to be scared.

I have something similar

  • For anyone who is experiencing sensitivity to sound, there is another condition called “Hyperacusis” that involves sensitivity to sound without apparent evidence as to the cause. The primary difference between the two, from what I’ve learned, is that it does not (necessarily) involve the muscular activity, but more often results in pain, fatigue, and a multitude of other varied cognitive symptoms. There are a few subcategories of hyperacusis; we just recently discovered “Acoustic Shock Disorder” as the most likely diagnosis.

What about you? Do you find that you startle easily? Did you know that this could be a symptom associated with Multiple Sclerosis? Share with us in the comments!


When people say, “but you look so good!”

One of the more frustrating things about having an invisible illness like multiple sclerosis is having people tell you, “but you look so good!” It’s incredibly difficult to explain to others what it is like to live with MS, and because so many of the symptoms associated with this condition are not apparent on the outside, it seems impossible for those who do not have MS to understand. We recently posted a story from one of our community members who expressed her frustration about people telling her she “looked good”, and our Facebook community responded in support! Here are some of the comments that our community members shared!

People just don’t understand

  • I understand, I have had MS for 11 years and I hear it all the time, “you look good!” Well I don’t feel good! People just don’t understand this disease!
  • Don’t waste any more time trying to explain what you’re going through. Most people just don’t get it. If you have a support system, terrific. It takes too much energy to try to educate everyone you know about MS. Don’t be afraid to say NO. I’ve lived with MS for 25 years. In that time, most people I know have “gotten it” through my behavior and actions. Check with your local MS chapter. They have literature to explain MS. Join a good support group. It helps.
  • While these words are true most folks mean well its more an issue of them not understanding MS. They understand what they can see, that’s all.
  • I get “how are you feeling? You look good!!” almost daily. Some days I wish I looked like I felt so then maybe people would realize “oh, she’s a mother of four and looks like she feels terrible despite her busy/demanding daily routine”. Pep talks are good, and positive reinforcement is also good. Telling me I look good is pointless.
  • I always tell the people that I look so good at the outside because there is nothing beautiful left at the inside. It is rotten, so I will do everything to keep my outside pretty.
  • I just wish they could be in my body for one day!
  • That statement makes me feel like I do not have the right to feel bad, or to “sit out”. It says the person talking has a total lack of understanding of this disease.
  • It drives me nuts when I hear that! It diminishes my feelings. No, I don’t want to roll around in “whoa is me,” but heck, this is real.

People think I’m lazy

  • My family thinks I’m lazy and expects me to push through it. I’ve been a plumber for 25 years and a timber faller logging for 7 years… I could get disability, but I want to work, I just can’t over do it.

People mean well

  • I think many people mean well by saying it. The truth is, I don’t venture out when I don’t feel well. I had a cop question me using my handicapped permit earlier in the week – checking my ID against it and he said “these aren’t for convenience”. I told him that he should be thankful I felt like crap or I would tell him what I was really thinking.

I don’t feel like I look good

  • MS made me gain weight, changed my shoulder and my legs, and my eyes cross. My body hasn’t felt fit in years, so please don’t say that I look good

I don’t mind if people tell me I look good

  • I don’t have a problem with people saying I look good. All I can say is thank you.
  • I still like to hear, “you look good,” even if it’s not true.
  • I rarely talk to anyone about how I feel because they “know exactly how I feel because they do too”. Even though they don’t have MS.

What about you? How does it make you feel when someone says, “but you look so good”?