About mweisser

I am the Manager of Client Services at MSAA and hold a Masters Degree in Social Work from Georgia State University. I currently have a LSW licensure in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. I am the mother of two beautiful children and also the owner of a tortoiseshell cat and a cocker spaniel.

Reducing Internal Stressors and the “and, AND, AND” Mentality

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Stress is something that everyone confronts in their lives. Stress broadly falls into two categories – external stressors where another person or entity is pushing you harder and asking for more, more, more (more of your time, more of energy both physical and mental, and more than you can handle). I think everyone is familiar with the external stressors- a school deadline, a boss that keeps piling more on your plate, appointments and activities you need to get to…these can all add external stress.

The other lesser acknowledged form of stress stems from internal pressures. Internal stress arises when you place restrictions, parameters, and deadlines on yourself, where you strive harder and work longer and try to be “perfect” or to be everything you think you can and should be for everyone and more.

I’ll give you an example. The schedule says you work from 8-5 and get an hour for lunch, that is the schedule you are paid for BUT the phone is ringing, and a new project is assigned, and the work is piling up (external stressors) so your internal response is to come in a little early and only take 20 minutes for your lunch breaks and maybe on some days you stay a little later too. Before you know it you are working 5-10 additional hours each week. Sure you are getting the work done but you aren’t being compensated extra, and everyone else is taking their lunch breaks.

Sometimes people use internal stressors because they are motivated by something specific (i.e. if my boss sees me accomplishing so much maybe I can earn the promotion, and some day make it to the corner office) or maybe you love your job and are motivated by what you think you can accomplish (i.e. I’m saving the world one day and one life at a time, GO ME!) but whatever the reason at some point those additional self-imposed stressors will catch up to you. And frankly at the end of the day while your boss might acknowledge all of your hard work it is just as likely that they will raise their expectations of you, so that without a big promotion you are stuck doing all the extra work and if you try to cut back on the “extras” your boss may wonder why you can’t accomplish what you used to!

These internal stressors don’t just apply to the workplace, they may cause anxiety over what you need to do-“I’ve got to clean the house before Janice comes over to visit, but when will I have the time and energy.” If Janice is truly a friend she will understand that life got in the way and that your house can’t always be impeccable. Don’t worry, Janice already knows that you are human.

You may be asking why is it important to acknowledge when a stressor is internal or self-imposed and try to reduce those actions or thought patterns. Stress is well known to impact health. Stress has been attributed to developing or exacerbating changes in mood such as increasing worry/anxiety, but stress has also been linked to physical health including affects to sleep, cognition, and increasing levels of burnout/fatigue. On the more severe end of the spectrum, stress has been linked to heart attacks, ulcers, and has also been correlated with MS Relapses among other health issues. So, while you may not be able to stop your boss from dumping 500 projects on your desk or keep your house in a perpetually spotless state, you can put in place an internal protection system: Remind yourself that there will always be work for tomorrow no matter how much work you do today, and that friends, family, and neighbors don’t expect you to be “perfect.” Finally, let yourself know that it is okay to ask for help when you need it. Don’t be your own worst enemy, prioritize your health and try your best to stop or reduce that internal voice saying and, AND, AND.

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Multiple Sclerosis Awareness (when you might not want people to be aware)…

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March is MS Awareness Month. As an advocacy group, you will hear MSAA discuss our available resources, and encourage you to get out and be active about raising awareness for MS and supporting programs which benefit individuals with MS. We will promote and support expanding knowledge and information about MS. With all of that going on, it might feel like you need to wave a flag shouting, “HERE I AM. I HAVE MS!!!”

As the Manager of Client Services at MSAA, I wanted to acknowledge that there are times when you (or your friend or family member) may not want others to know about a diagnosis. While you may want to be an advocate to spread awareness and information to help people understand about MS, you may not want certain people (i.e. an employer, a new boyfriend, or a casual acquaintance) to know you or a loved one has MS.

There is nothing secretive about a diagnosis, but it is your (or your loved one’s) own personal health information. While some people might share that they had a heart attack or stroke with anyone they meet, others might feel medical information is no one else’s business and only talk about it with a doctor or close family member.

So, if you want to be an advocate but not shout a diagnosis from the rooftops, what can you do?

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On social media sites:

Think before you post. Are you comfortable with everyone seeing your update or picture? If not, make sure to check your privacy settings before sharing personal (health-related) information so that only people you want to learn about your private information, such as close family or friends, can see your updates and pictures.

In person:

If you want to talk about MS in the community, know that not everyone who spreads information and encourages activity for a cause will be personally affected by it. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your diagnosis, make it general: “ I’m helping out with a cause… Can you help too?” or: “There is a charity I support, and I wanted you to know about them and what they do” are generic ways to introduce information about “your cause,” even if you don’t want anyone to know it is personal.

In many of these situations, there may be a future point in time where you might want to share a diagnosis. On the job, you may decide to ask for a reasonable accommodation and share a diagnosis when needed. When your boyfriend goes from being casual to serious, you might feel comfortable disclosing. Likewise, if a casual acquaintance becomes a good friend, you may want to share. If not, there is no pressure. You can still be an advocate for MS without disclosing a diagnosis.

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Wait a second, did you get that?

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Being able to effectively communicate with others is one of the most basic human needs and functions. Babies and young children cry or throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want or need because they haven’t discovered any better ways to express their concerns or desires. They need to be heard, but they can’t express their concerns directly so they resort to raw emotion and yelling to get their needs met.

As we grow older, we are taught that there is a time and place for everything and that generally when speaking in public (school, work, etc.), you need to do your best to control your emotions and try to calmly verbally address your needs or concerns. For example, in a business meeting while you might feel like rolling your eyes at an inane comment, or may even feel like yelling when your point hasn’t been heard or addressed after asking for the 100th time, responding in either of those ways in a work setting is likely to get you a reprimand at best and unlikely to get you what you really wanted (for example a shorter meeting with highlighted objectives, or a specific problem or concern to be addressed).

These communication issues don’t only happen in the workplace setting as you might have times where you feel like your doctor is just not hearing what you are saying or a relative is being insensitive or un-relatable. When you end up in these frustrating situations, you might have the impulse to cry or yell, and sometimes that might supersede your public decorum, but these also may be good times to evaluate your situation and how you could better try to communicate your need.

So how do you take a step back when you need to make sure something is heard?

You may need to take five minutes before speaking to give yourself time to process a more tactful response. You might pretend you are re-explaining the situation to a totally
Older male doctor with laptop talking to middle-age male patientdifferent person. You may also ask the other person to repeat back to you your concern in their own words, so you can make sure they “got it.”

Feeling misunderstood or like no one is listening can heighten your anxiety, stress, and frustration around a situation. Others can contribute to misunderstandings and miscommunications if they are not being active listeners and receptive participants in the conversation, but try to do your part. Try and emote effective communication. If the other party really is not listening, or you can’t overcome personal barriers, you can try to remediate the situation by going to others with your concerns (in the worst case scenario finding a new doctor or changing jobs…. although I’m told you can’t get a new family).

Can you share your tips for how to communicate better in difficult situations?

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Do something that makes you feel strong

I am not nor have I even been a “gym rat.” The one year in school I did a sport I picked track. Each person had to pick three events. I picked discus, hurdle jumping, and the long jump. Most of my time was spent lounging on the grass with my friends while we talked and let the real runners go around the track (you could only throw discus or do hurdles when the areas were set up).

Nowadays when I read fitness articles about people running marathons or races I am Woman Using Dumbbell To Improve Her Musclesglad for the people involved and happy to hear about them meeting their own goals and objectives. But I know I am no runner and never will be. In fact, running causes me exercise induced headaches.

But here is the important thing, after trying many activities over the years I don’t let the gym intimidate me anymore. While there are things I know I don’t want to do or that don’t make me feel good (i.e. running) I have also found activities which make me feel strong, and competent, and healthy.

Yes, my arms might be the equivalent of small twigs, but put me on the rowing machine and I am a goddess. For 20 minutes on the rowing machine I can glide back and forth and feel l that I am powerful and going somewhere with my fitness.

I have also learned not to let other people’s perceptions impact my choices. For a tiny person I also enjoy lifting. Yes I might max out at lifting 30 lbs., but 30 lbs. for me is really good. I’m not trying to be a body builder, just improve my own health and wellness, so I’m not going to care if I’m the only woman on the lifting machines or that my weight limits are low.

Finding a fitness activity or plan that works for you is the most important thing in maintaining a plan, and by choosing something that makes you feel strong and powerful rsz_shutterstock_4273636 (1)and energized you have a built-in incentive to keep going back.

What activities motivate you?

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Wrapping up the year

2013 is rapidly fading, and if you are like me, then by this point you are tired of all the wrapping and the go go go “holiday mode” and may be trying to mentally prepare for next year and what it may bring with it. A lot happens in the course of a year.

As the time rushes by, try to set aside a moment and think and write about 2013 as a year. Did you have a success or accomplishment you were proud of? Was there a goal that you didn’t quite meet or something you will strive to improve on next year? Was there something that made you laugh so hard you cried?

Write your own list. You can either hang it up somewhere you see frequently to remind you of goals and moments and memories you experienced throughout 2013. Alternatively, you can write it down and seal it in an envelope, then open it when 2014 is wrapping up. This will help you reflect on what you thought of 2013 and provide a retrospective of the curveballs, challenges, victories and laughter that the year brought.

MSAA wishes you a happy New Year! Please note that our office will be closed on January 1st 2014.

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Creating a Different Kind of Holiday Season When You Have MS:

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, it is easy to get wrapped up in the holiday bustle. Many people get so focused on decorating and shopping that holiday thoughts change from decorating enough to feel festive and finding gifts that spread cheer, to the bigger and fancier (and more expensive) the gifts and decorations, the better the holiday.

So, before we all get wrapped up in consumerism, I would ask you to think about creating a different kind of Holiday Season this year. Instead of having said your yearly, “Thanks” on Thanksgiving, carry that idea over into the rest of your holidays by creating a Gratitude Journal.

You might be asking, “What is a Gratitude Journal?”

Several studies have shown that individuals who participate in gratitude-based activities may have an improved sense of well-being. So, I would challenge you to get either a specific journal or notebook (or smartphone app) and assign that as a specific place to write each day one thing for which you are grateful. Try to spend at least 10-15 minutes thinking about what you are grateful for, why you are grateful for it, and how it impacts your life before you write it down. At the end of each week, spend a little time to read over all the things you have written down over the last week.

At the end of the month, reflect back. Has this activity helped to keep you centered and focused during the Holiday Season? If so, this may be an activity to keep up throughout the year, reminding us that Holiday Season or not, upon reflection there are things large and small for which we are grateful.

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Thanksgiving Wishes for the MS Community from MSAA

MSAA would like to wish everyone a safe and Happy Thanksgiving! Whether you are celebrating Thanksgiving with family, friends, pets, or in another way, we hope that you have a wonderful day. Please note that our offices will be closed from 2 pm EST 11/27 until Monday December 2nd.

So let’s get the ball rolling on what we are thankful for and I’ll start:

My Children

Margaret blog photo

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Need health insurance? Join MSAA for our live webinar:

Don’t forget to sign up and attend MSAA’s live webinar, “The New Insurance Marketplace and MS” tomorrow evening 11/19 from 8PM – 9PM EST.  The webinar provides the ins and outs of the Marketplace, explaining everything from common insurance terms down to MS specific policy pitfalls.  So, register today and come find out what the insurance Marketplace means for you.

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If you have Medicare, get the information you need to know:

Tomorrow, October 15th, is the first day of Medicare Open Enrollment for plan year 2014. The plan that you select now will impact your medical coverage and costs for an entire year. Don’t forget to tune in to our live Webinar tomorrow evening from 8-9PM EST for important information on Medicare Open Enrollment and specific tips for people living with MS.

To register for the Webinar, go to the following link: support.mymsaa.org/aca1

If you cannot attend the live program, don’t worry, you will be able to watch the archive and download the presentation slides from our MSi page after the live program:  http://mymsaa.org/manage-your-ms/videos/.

This year, be prepared. Learn from Medicare experts who can try to help you understand what questions to ask and how to select your best options.

 

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Online Support for Caregivers of People with Multiple Sclerosis

As a caregiver or care partner it can frequently be a challenge to actually make it out and about town. While an in-person support group or activity may be ideal, sometimes it may not be a reality. Online groups provide an alternate way to connect to support without having to plan details and coordinate care to be able to attend.

Websites such as MSWorld: http://www.msworld.org/ and PatientsLikeMe: http://www.patientslikeme.com/ provide avenues for individuals diagnosed with MS and their caregivers to discuss their concerns. These groups allow you to connect through online message boards or forums.

So, when you can’t get out of the house but need to talk with another person who has “been there” an online resource may be the way to go. Please note that every online forum will have its own set of rules and privacy policies. Before you register for any website be sure you are comfortable with the terms agreement.

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