Never an Easy Season with MS

By: Matt Cavallo

I was really excited. My allergies were horrible and I was feeling absolutely miserable. Why does this excite me you ask? When I feel horrible, I get inspired to write and was going to write a piece on allergies and MS as a follow-up to last year’s, Is There a Relationship between MS, Allergies and Histamine blog.

Then, this happened to my local weather in Arizona:

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Out here in Arizona, we say that three straight days over 100 degrees kills all the pollen. I don’t know if this is true or not, but my allergies certainly haven’t been bothering me since it got into the 100’s at about Friday of last week.

But guess what? The heat has been killing me!

Luckily, I got a Kool-Max cooling vest, similar to those in the MSAA’s Cooling Program. Now, even in the dog-days of summer, I can still participate in activities or chores and not feel trapped inside by the summer heat.

This got me to thinking, is there ever a perfect season to have MS? We all know that the summer heat, no matter where you live, is not good for MS. The symptoms of heat exposure can cause a pseudoexacerbation, or brief episode of neurological symptoms not classified as a relapse. These pseudoexacerbations can come and go all summer long as the heat and humidity persist.

However, during the cold dark of winter, us MSers yearn for a hot summer day. The low light of winter is not generally considered good for people with a Vitamin D deficiency, as most of us living with MS may experience. Winter also presents trip hazards with ice and snowy conditions, so those of us more prone to falls have a harder time getting outdoors and staying active during the winter.

Fall presents many of the same trip hazards. As soon as the leaves turn colors, they drop to the ground and become slippery to walk on. Fall also has dramatic temperature fluctuations where it can be summer hot one day and then brutally cold the next. This is where cold and flu season start to come into play along with the pseudoexacerbation possibility from those really gorgeous summer-like fall days.

That leaves spring as the only possibility for an easy season living with MS, am I right? Wrong. Spring is the reason I started writing this blog. It was nice this year, but the pollen kept me from enjoying it. I could not differentiate from an MS day or a sick-with-allergy day. The inability to breathe really caused excess fatigue rendering me unable to discern the difference between allergies and MS symptoms.

The truth is there is no easy season when you live with multiple sclerosis. However, each day is what you make of it. Don’t let the changing seasons stop you from living your life, rather adapt with the seasons and plan accordingly. Wear sunscreen, stay cool and don’t let MS stop you from having the best summer ever!

*Matt Cavallo was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2005. Matt is an MS blogger, author, patient advocate, and motivational speaker. Matt also has his Master’s degree in Public Health Administration. Matt is the proud father of his two sons, loving husband to his wife, Jocelyn, and best friend to his dog, Teddy. Originally from the Boston suburbs, Matt currently resides in Arizona with his family. To learn more about Matt, please visit him at : http://mattcavallo.com/blog/

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Summer Heat: The Enemy of the MS Patient?

By: Meagan Freeman

Before my diagnosis, the blistering sun of the summer season was my best friend. I was a swimmer, wake-boarder, and sun worshipper. I enjoyed my teen years, soaking up the rays in the California sun, trying to get a nice tan and reading magazines with friends. The hotter the better was my attitude! Boy, have things changed since my diagnosis in 2009.

Now, I have had to accept that the heat is no longer my best friend, but rather, my worst enemy. The heat of summer can be an incredibly challenging thing for those with MS, and it can lead to staying home alone while the rest of the family enjoys the beach, pool, and outdoor summer activities. For several years, I felt depressed about my situation. I had several relapses each summer, and my family members were enjoying my formerly favorite activities while I stayed home on the couch in my air-conditioned home, a virtual prisoner.

After several years of this seasonal imprisonment, I began to search for ways to beat the heat, and still enjoy family time outdoors. There are many options for combatting the summer heat, and I want to share some ideas for other individuals struggling with this issue. Fortunately for us, cooling technology has dramatically improved over the years. I always avoided cooling vests, merely because of vanity. I did not want to be seen with a bulky, unattractive cooling vest; but fortunately we have some wonderful, stealth options now.

The key is to keep the core temperature at a normal level, and through cooling technology, individuals can enjoy the summer days without experiencing flares and relapses caused by the heat. Heat leads to increased inflammation, which we need to avoid at all costs. Fortunately, simple cooling products can achieve the goal of maintaining a normal core body temperature, despite warm days.

MSAA has a wonderful program, offering free vests and cooling products to individuals who qualify for the program. The link for the MSAA cooling vest program is: http://mymsaa.org/msaa-help/cooling/. There is a short application to fill out, and this program can offer a vest to qualified patients at no cost. For those who may not be financially eligible, there are several other companies offering these types of cooling products. A good cooling vest can mean the difference between missing out on family activities, to being an active participant.

In addition to these products, I have found several MS vacation organizations, including the “MS Cruisers.” This organization offers cruises to many ports of call around the world, specifically tailored to meet the needs of MS patients. “This cruise is open to all MS patients, family members and friends who share an interest in the MS community, believe that health and fitness are powerful tools for overall well-being and independence, want to travel and interact with others who are facing the same challenges; and are aiming for the same goal of enjoying life to its fullest as they go through the process of adjusting their lifestyle to best suit their constantly changing needs.” (MS Cruisers.com, 2015.) Consider checking out this site for many options for amazing summer cruises. The site is located at: http://mscruisers.com.

I believe that the key to finding happiness and acceptance during a life with MS is to continue to enjoy all of the activities we enjoyed before our diagnosis. Through the use of simple cooling technology, and finding the right vacation options, we can continue to participate in life, enjoy the sun, and feel as “normal” as possible. If you find yourself imprisoned at home in the AC all summer, consider reaching out and trying one of these amazing programs. This can be your ticket to a wonderful, active summer season. Go enjoy it!

*Meagan Freeman was diagnosed with RRMS in 2009, at the age of 34, in the midst of her graduate education. She is a Family Nurse Practitioner in Northern California, and is raising her 6 children (ranging from 6–17 years of age) with her husband, Wayne. She has been involved in healthcare since the age of 19, working as an Emergency Medical Technician, an Emergency Room RN, and now a Nurse Practitioner. Writing has always been her passion, and she is now able to spend more time blogging and raising MS awareness. She guest blogs for Race to Erase MS, Modern Day MS, and now MSAA. Please visit her at: http://www.motherhoodandmultiplesclerosis.com.

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How MS Taught My Son a Life Lesson

By: Jeri Burtchell

I’ve discovered that children born to people with chronic conditions are often the most empathetic and compassionate people I’ve met. You can give kids life lessons when you’re in the grocery store and see someone using a cane or a wheelchair, but nothing quite explains the real everyday hurdles like living with someone who has a chronic illness.

I have two boys. My older son, Mark, was 16 when I was diagnosed. The younger one, Alix, was just six months. Mark was your typical teenager: independent and active, with a big circle of friends and activities that kept him busy outside the house. By the time Alix was a preschooler, Mark had moved out to begin his own journey into adulthood.

It was like raising two “only” children, with one big difference – the second time around MS was calling the shots.

Alix never knew me any other way, so the fact that I used a cane, or occasionally needed a wheelchair was just normal to him. He’d sit in my lap and ask me to take him for a ride. He didn’t see me as different. Nobody whispered to him “it’s not polite to stare”. When he looked at me, he saw his mom and nothing more.

He’s a junior in high school this year, taking honors classes. Tonight we’ll be attending an award ceremony where he’s receiving a mystery award. He’s been an easy kid to raise. Never gets into trouble and is always around the house helping out. He’s cheerful and never complains no matter how much I ask of him.

Things haven’t always gone smoothly, though. When he was in sixth grade he was having a hard time. The transition to a new school with new friends was a lot for him to handle. When it came time to attend one of his band performances at school, I really struggled over whether I should bring my cane or not.

I didn’t want him to be teased for having a mom who was different, but neither did I want to fall down. Which would be more embarrassing to his middle school mind? I decided to let him choose.

We stood by the car and I whispered to him, “should I just leave my cane here and ‘wall-walk’ where I can?,” and he looked puzzled.

“Why would you do that? Don’t you need your cane?,” he asked.

“Well, I don’t want to embarrass you, you know, if the kids tease you because of this or something.”

He became really indignant at the thought. “Just LET someone say something, Mom! Nobody’s going to make fun of you. What kind of person would do that, anyhow?,” he asked.

I used my cane and he took my other hand, proudly.

That was just one special moment among many that made me see that having MS has not always impacted our family negatively. Do I wish I didn’t have it? You bet! Does Alix sometimes feel “ripped off” that he didn’t get the younger, healthier model of Mom than Mark did? Yep.

But we do what we must to live the best life we can despite MS, and in the process it has helped shape my son into a fine young man who I know will always wear his compassion and empathy like a badge of honor. It’s who he has become, and I’m proud to be his mom.

So for those who have small children and wonder how your MS will affect them as they grow up, take heart. I bet they will be amazing, too!

*Jeri Burtchell was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. She has spoken from a patient perspective at conferences around the country, addressing social media and the role it plays in designing clinical trials. Jeri is a MS blogger, patient activist, and freelance writer for the MS News Beat of Healthline.com. She lives in northeast Florida with her youngest son and elderly mother. When not writing or speaking, she enjoys crafting and photography.

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Mothering Through MS

By: Meagan Freeman

How will my children remember me?

Isn’t that a question every parent asks? We want to set the best example for our kids, leaving a legacy behind when we are gone. Often, this is one of the main reasons people choose to become parents in the first place. One of the first fears in the minds of parents who are diagnosed with MS is: “How will this disease affect my ability to parent?” Followed soon by, “Will my young children remember me when I was healthy?” MS often strikes in the prime of adulthood, when most people are finally successful in a career, finally married, or starting new families. This is the cruelest aspect of this illness, the theft of young optimism. We want our children to recall these years of health, vitality, energy and strength. We want them to remember vacations, playing ball, swimming, and dancing with us. We want them to remember us as young, beautiful adults who never failed them; however, illness interferes with that image, and creates an image of inability and dependence.

Mothers with MS face an incredible challenge, coping with an incurable illness while tending to the needs of little ones, putting the needs of others before their own. In my own family, I witnessed the strength and perseverance of two mothers, facing incredible odds, refusing to give up no matter how difficult life got. MS was no match for these incredible women I am referring to, my grandmother Bette, and her daughter Susan, who happens to be my own mother. My grandmother was diagnosed with MS in the 1950s, and she had 7 children at the time. As a child of 5 or 6, I have vivid memories of visiting the home of my grandparents. We spent many holidays there, the home where my mother and her 6 siblings grew up. My grandfather Stan was the breadwinner, and my grandmother Bette struggled while trying to raise her children. She had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in the 1950s, when there were no treatments available. She was basically told to “get in bed and stay there.” Faith, love, and hope were the keys to their success, and my grandparents were a living example of heroism and true love despite devastating life circumstances.

When I feel weak, I think of them. When I feel overwhelmed with my lot in life, I think of them. When I want to give up, cursing the universe for the bad hand I was dealt, I think of them. When I question whether truly unconditional love exists, all I need to do is recall this life story and look at their pictures. Despite MS, my grandmother dedicated her life to her children, instilling love and values that remain to this day. You see, what matters at the end is our life story, our legacy; the story that will be told to future generations. Each of us is slowly writing a story that will be told someday, and it is incredibly important that we write one that we will feel proud of.

My mother was the oldest child in her family. Due to her mother’s progressive MS, at age 12, she took over a majority of the household chores and duties, becoming a surrogate mother for the 6 younger siblings in the home. My mother needed to grow up quickly, and assume the role of a parent at a very young age. At the time, there was simply no choice. Rather than playing, my mom would cook, clean, and help younger children bathe. She sacrificed her own needs for those of her family, and she never failed in her duty. The defining characteristic of a mother is the resolve to care for her children and protect them from harm, no matter what. My mother continued to care for others when I was born, and she was the most wonderful mother anyone could have asked for; I truly don’t know how I got so lucky! She provided me with a beautiful childhood, and gave me all any child could ever need, always putting my needs before her own.

My mother set a wonderful example for me, and I try to carry that on each day. I struggle with MS daily, but despite those struggles, I can still enjoy my children. I see their innocence, their desire to see the world as a beautiful place. My goal is to continue to allow them to see things as awe-inspiring, breathtaking and amazing for as many years as possible. I try to share openly and honestly with them, letting them see certain aspects of my disease, but shielding them from others. I am fortunate to have witnessed two incredible examples of motherhood in my own family, and I think of these incredible women every day. Each mother with MS is going above and beyond, coping with physical challenges while sacrificing daily for her children. Thank you to every one of the MS moms in the world; each of you is a true hero. Thank you, Grandma Bette, and I love you, Mom! Happy Mother’s Day to all…..

*Meagan Freeman was diagnosed with RRMS in 2009, at the age of 34, in the midst of her graduate education. She is a Family Nurse Practitioner in Northern California, and is raising her 6 children (ranging from 6–17 years of age) with her husband, Wayne. She has been involved in healthcare since the age of 19, working as an Emergency Medical Technician, an Emergency Room RN, and now a Nurse Practitioner. Writing has always been her passion, and she is now able to spend more time blogging and raising MS awareness. She guest blogs for Race to Erase MS, Modern Day MS, and now MSAA. Please visit her at: http://www.motherhoodandmultiplesclerosis.com.

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Getting My Act Together: Staying Organized Despite MS

By: Jeri Burtchell

It’s easy to let fatigue be my catch-all excuse for why things are in disarray around here, but if you’ve known me for more than 16 years I’m not fooling you. Actually, I prefer my mother’s excuse for why I’m not very organized…

“You’re an artist, Jeri, and artists tend to be messy because their minds are busy creating.”

Sometimes, though, it seems my messy ways have only created more headaches and hurdles for myself — something I seem to have less patience for as time goes by.

I’ve decided to try a new tactic, though. It’s called “be kind to yourself.” So now, when I see self-made obstacles to stress-free living, I try to take off my blinders and correct one small thing at a time, making my living space – and my life – more “Jeri-centric”.

Case in point: Every time I need a pen I head for the three side-by-side pen cups on my desk. They are overflowing with pens I’ve collected on trips out of town and harvested from the copper-rich soil of pennies at the bottom of my purse, where together they perpetually weigh down my every move.

In what has become an exasperating ritual, I select a pen, begin to write, only to run out of ink three strokes into my thought. Frustrated, I put the pen back in the cup and select another. I’m often doomed to repeat this process four or five times before chancing upon a pen that can outlast my need for ink.

When my brother recently visited, he noticed this ritual, and asked me why I didn’t just toss the ones that don’t work. Such a simple, logical question and yet it had never occurred to me. Most likely because tossing the pen meant being near the trash can and required additional physical exertion. Yet in the grand scheme of things he was right.

Immediately I took all three cups to the kitchen counter where, one by one I assessed their capabilities by scribbling on a notepad. If it didn’t produce, it faced instant death by trash. In the end I had one pen cup full of pens that write, and had freed up two coffee cups.

I felt so good about that accomplishment, (and the way I am rewarded with ink every time I grab a pen to jot a note), that I’ve decided to see where I can make other small adjustments to be kind to myself. Here are a couple other ideas that I came up with. They might seem like “no-brainers” to a more organized person, but to me they were epiphanies that keep on giving, making me appreciate each day how thoughtful I was to make these small adjustments in my recent past.

● I went through all my spiral notebooks I keep around for work and ripped every page out that had anything written on it. Then I created project file folders, sorted all the notes for each project, and filed them. Now I no longer spend half an hour leafing through notebooks frantically trying to find minutes of a certain conversation.

● I went through a couple of piles of “chronologically filed” papers I’ve been meaning to go through and made three stacks: 1) Important/Save, 2) Needs Action and 3) No Longer Relevant/Trash. Things like the deed to the house and my passport went in the first stack, bills to pay went into stack two, and expired coupons, magazine subscription offers, or grocery lists from a month ago went into stack 3 (a.k.a. the trash can).

It’s amazing how easy it is to stay up on paying the bills now that I know where they are! And when it was time to take my son to get his Learner’s Permit at the DMV, I knew without a doubt where I could find all the necessary proof of ID for both of us.

My new hurdle is maintaining this level of order. But I’ve discovered that if I spend a little time at the end of the day making sure my work area is organized and the papers are filed it’s amazing how easy being kind to yourself can be.

Herding all the pens back into the cup corral at night and leaving myself a to-do list for the next day makes waking up the next morning a whole lot easier. It’s like I’m finally working with myself instead of plotting my own destruction.

So be kind to yourself and spend just a little time organizing a bill-paying station or home workspace with all of the things you might need. Cutting back on clutter-induced stress can have lasting benefits. Now if the bills would just pay themselves I’d be all set!

*Jeri Burtchell was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. She has spoken from a patient perspective at conferences around the country, addressing social media and the role it plays in designing clinical trials. Jeri is a MS blogger, patient activist, and freelance writer for the MS News Beat of Healthline.com. She lives in northeast Florida with her youngest son and elderly mother. When not writing or speaking, she enjoys crafting and photography.

 

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The first “Ask Me Anything” on MultipleSclerosis.net!

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You may have heard of one of the latest trends in social media discussion forums, called “Ask Me Anything”, or “AMA”, popularized by websites like Reddit. An AMA is a common chat topic or general discussion forum thread in which people ask someone who is an expert in a certain area questions relating to his or her life or expertise. Last month, MultipleSclerosis.net hosted our first AMA event on our Facebook page, and it was amazing! The event was hosted by our team of moderators in honor of MS Awareness month, with the goal of providing a set time where members of our community could ask our team anything about MS symptoms (our chosen theme for this particular event). The results were tremendous! Our first AMA prompted over 240 posts in just one hour – including questions, comments, and replies – which averages out to about 4 posts per minute!

Though the main theme of the AMA was MS Symptoms, a wide variety of topics were discussed, including rights at work, discontent treating physicians, how to provide support to relatives and loved ones who have MS, how to manage fatigue, what it means to have secondary progressive MS, and what to do upon first receiving an MS diagnosis.

Our moderators and team answered the community’s questions based on personal experience as well as the wealth of articles on MultipleSclerosis.net. Here is a brief summary of some of the topics that were discussed!

I’m unhappy with the treatment I’m receiving from my current neurologist. One place to start is by taking a look at a registry of MS experts here. The National Multiple Sclerosis Society may also be able to provide recommendations for practitioners in your area. Additionally, attending patient meetings can be very helpful for coping with many aspects of having MS, and they also serve as a great source of information like names of good doctors.

What can I do to manage my MS fatigue? Believe it or not, exercise actually helps some people with MS manage their fatigue. – It stimulates certain chemicals in the brain to make us feel better. Working full time while taking care of one’s family is exhausting for MSers. Another idea would be to try meditation or yoga for its calming and healing effects.

What are my rights at work with regard to disclosing my condition, and receiving the support that I need? The ADA requires an employer to provide assistive equipment/aids so someone who is disabled can continue doing his or her work. It also prohibits the employer from firing someone for being disabled, but does not protect you from termination if the employer cites other reasons. It is also important to contact someone in your Human Resources (HR) department if your company has one. Those who work in HR are experts in this subject. Our expert, Cathy, also wrote a great article about helping those who are disabled look for work.

How can I be helpful to a loved one who has MS who lives far from me? One of the best ways to provide support is to be there for loved ones when they need to talk, and show an interest in how this is affecting her or her life. Ask her how she’s doing, and listen to her response.

What is secondary progressive MS? Secondary progressive MS is a type of MS. While relapsing-remitting MS is the most common type of the condition, secondary progressive MS impacts many in the MS community. Here is some more information on SPMS.

What does it mean to be in remission? Being in “remission” doesn’t necessarily mean that your symptoms completely disappear (some people will return to feeling exactly as they did before the exacerbation began). Stephanie wrote a very comprehensive article on relapses and remission in her MS 101 on understanding relapses.

Where should a person who was just diagnosed with MS start? You should start with a request to see a neurologist– preferably one who specializes in MS – and have a complete workup of your history and an MRI. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to find answers.

We truly appreciate all of our community members who participated in our first AMA, and of course our amazing team of moderators who were feverishly responding to all of the questions during a very exciting hour! We will definitely be hosting more AMAs in the future, so we will keep the community updated when we have the next one scheduled!

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Worth Fighting For

By: Matt Cavallo

There was a touching moment at my last neurology appointment. You see, I have been with my same neurologist since moving to Arizona in 2009. Throughout the years, he has been by my side through good and bad times. This time was different. He seemed less like my neurologist and more like he was proud of me.

In 2010, I was suffering from severe spinal stenosis due to a bone fragment that had chipped from my C6 vertebra. I required emergency neck surgery or faced the risk of being quadriplegic. After surgery, I fell into a state of depression. Relapse after MS relapse building to a surgical climax, I just felt like my quality of life was never going to be what it was before having MS.

I was ready to give up on myself. Not only that, but I was ready to give up on my MS treatment, as well. And I did. I was required to stop my treatment prior to surgery. Post-surgery, I didn’t want to restart my treatment. I had had enough. I was sick of feeling like a science experiment or a pin cushion. It seemed like even though I was on a treatment that another debilitating relapse could strike at any moment.

One month passed post-surgery and I was feeling OK. A little tired, but OK. Then a second month passed with no treatment. Now, unbeknownst to me, I started to forget simple tasks around the home and office. A third month passed and I was dragging my left leg, had blurry vision in my right eye and couldn’t follow simple instructions. However, due to the brain fog I was in, I convinced myself that nothing was wrong.

That’s when my neurologist stepped in. I didn’t tell him anything, but you see I worked for a neuroscience clinic that was associated with his practice. One of the nurses called him and he made a special trip down to the neuroscience clinic to check on me at work one day. As a result of his visit, I found myself in an MRI followed by the news that my brain and spine were blossoming with active lesions. He ordered me a round of solu-medrol and a follow up with him the next week.

During that follow up, he wanted to know why I was acting the way I was. Why was I going against medical advice? I told him I was done fighting and that I had already been through too much. He spent the rest of the appointment helping me decide that I was worth fighting for. That my multiple sclerosis would have periods of relapse followed by periods of remission and that I needed to use the available tools to fight it with all I could. And I did.

Good Times: Last week, I walked into his office feeling like Norm on Cheers. I got to visit with old coworkers and acquaintances and catch up with old friends. Then, it was time for the appointment and this appointment felt a little different. He did his protocol tests and talked to me about lab results from a recent blood draw. Then he took the conversation in a different direction.

“Matt,” he said, “How are your travels? I worry some time that your life on the road is going to wear you down.”

“You know me,” I responded. “I want to use my story to go make a difference in the world.”

“When I think back to when I first saw you, to where you have come, despite the challenges.” He paused. “I’m just…I’m proud of you.”

Given where we have been and reflecting back on the past five years together, the good and the bad, I was speechless. This is a revered neurologist, that has been practicing MS in Phoenix since 1978 and he is proud of me.

At first, I was speechless then I responded, “Remember when you told me I was worth fighting for? Well, I believed you.”

I believe that all of you who are reading this are also worth fighting for. The question is, do you believe it too?

*Matt Cavallo was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2005. Matt is an MS blogger, author, patient advocate, and motivational speaker. Matt also has his Master’s degree in Public Health Administration. Matt is the proud father of his two sons, loving husband to his wife, Jocelyn, and best friend to his dog, Teddy. Originally from the Boston suburbs, Matt currently resides in Arizona with his family. To learn more about Matt, please visit him at : http://mattcavallo.com/blog/

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Managing Cognitive Difficulties

By: Meagan Freeman

When we think of spring, we think of renewal, spring-cleaning, organization and clarity. We think of new growth, birth, refreshment and a new beginning. This can be especially difficult for patients struggling with memory loss and multiple sclerosis. How do we achieve organization when we have a difficult time recalling why we walked into a room?

How many times have you misplaced your keys? Lost your phone? Forgotten someone’s name?

Cognitive difficulties brought on by MS are an incredibly tough thing to accept, especially in the very young. We aren’t supposed to experience memory loss like this in our 40s, 30s and even 20s. When that familiar face says “hello,” on the street one day, you know you recognize this person…but you think: “what was that name again?” Embarrassing to say the least.

Like any MS symptom, these changes are caused by lesions and brain atrophy over time. Medications used to treat MS symptoms may also be responsible for causing cognitive issues. Pain medications, anxiety medications, and muscle relaxants may cause patients to become sleepy, fatigued, and even confused. We should all be cautious when using these types of medications, especially when driving or doing other dangerous activities.

What can be done about these issues?

Occupational therapists, speech and language pathologists, and neuropsychiatrists can perform a specific battery of tests to determine the severity of the cognitive impairments. Then, computer-assisted tools such as memory aids, and other forms of cognitive rehab can be used to improve memory and learning. The other key point is that lesion load, or the number of lesions seen on MRI, can correlate with cognitive problems. Therefore, it is natural to assume that staying on a disease-modifying drug is important in keeping the lesion load low.

In my own life, I have experienced a great deal of cognitive decline over the last few years, and I am only 40! I began to notice that I was forgetting the reason I entered a room, where I put important things in my home, where I set my keys, and even names. I was horrified when I noticed these changes! Some of these things can be blamed on normal aging, stress (6 kids!), and perhaps lack of sleep/rest. However, I am quite sure that MS has a lot to do with it. All we can do as patients is educate ourselves, educate our families, and be aware. Communication with our providers is important as well, and we need to be sure that we are receiving every available treatment. Don’t ever assume that nothing can be done for you. Training your brain by reading, writing, and continuing to learn are excellent ways to keep the mind working! “Use it, or lose it,” as they say!

Use your spring-cleaning time to organize your life. Keep things in specific places that you will remember clearly. Label things, and use a pill sorter to remind you to take your medications, if needed. Write everything down, and set reminders in your phone. If we prepare for those moments of memory loss, we will find them less worrisome. Happy Spring!

*Meagan Freeman was diagnosed with RRMS in 2009, at the age of 34, in the midst of her graduate education. She is a Family Nurse Practitioner in Northern California, and is raising her 6 children (ranging from 6–17 years of age) with her husband, Wayne. She has been involved in healthcare since the age of 19, working as an Emergency Medical Technician, an Emergency Room RN, and now a Nurse Practitioner. Writing has always been her passion, and she is now able to spend more time blogging and raising MS awareness. She guest blogs for Race to Erase MS, Modern Day MS, and now MSAA. Please visit her at: http://www.motherhoodandmultiplesclerosis.com.

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Community Thoughts on Missing the Way Things Were

For people living with multiple sclerosis, it’s easy to dream of the life we had prior to being afflicted with this condition. So much of our everyday lives is shaped by MS, we often find ourselves missing the way things were. One of the amazing contributors at MultipleSclerosis.net, Marc Stecker (also known as the Wheelchair Kamikaze), wrote a poignant piece on missing his former self, called “I Miss Me”. We shared his article on our Facebook page and received a tremendous amount of feedback from our community about what it’s like to miss the “old you”. Here is what some of our community members had to say:

I’ve said the same thing to others!

  • Funny, I said that to my neurologist shortly after I was diagnosed last year.
  • I just said something similar to my sweetie the other day…that I would like to have my life back. I feel as though it’s been taken from me.

I thought I was the only one!

  • And I just thought it was me.
  • I really miss me!!!!!! I didn’t know there were others who felt this!
  • I despise that I “miss me” BUT am relieved that I’m not the only one “Missing”.
  • I always have moments of missing the old me. Glad it’s not only me thinking this way.
  • I say this so much, but when I try to put things on my page or try and explain how hurts, even my family ignores it. I was glad to see this and know I’m not alone. I say to myself every day I miss me.

I Miss Me too!

  • I miss me a lot!!
  • What a well-written blog which perfectly describes the life so many of us live. Or should I say have lived. I am amongst the very elderly whose future time on this earth will be very short. You too, will adjust constantly to your new normal.
  • I mourn and miss the old me. I can’t believe who I’ve become; however it’s a new challenge and who knows what I can be and what new experiences lie ahead that I would never have had. Stay positive guys.
  • I shared with a friend recently, “I miss me, who I used to be.” Her reply… “No, now that person is still down in there somewhere.” I’m exasperated. People really don’t know!!!
  • I just want the old me back!
  • Wow! This is the first time a tag line has smacked me in the face! Even though I’ve been very lucky, as I pondered this “I Miss Me,” I suddenly felt very sad. I do miss me. Even though I haven’t been “obviously” affected by MS, there are so many hidden things, the fatigue, weakness, ability to think quickly, balance, and stamina, that yes, I am not the “me” I once was. I do miss ME. Thank you for a great article.
  • What I miss about the old me is being able to do ANYTHING I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it!! Now, I have to accept the help of others, where I was the one always volunteering my abilities to those in need.
  • ‪I do miss most of the old me!!!! But I have welcomed most of the new me, with very few regrets.
  • I was missing for 15 years. I felt myself slowly slipping away, more and more the last 5 years though. It’s awful.
  • I understand just how you feel. I miss dancing a lot! Stay strong
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  • I miss myself so much! I just want to be able to be normal again and go to a ball game and climb up the bleachers and just walk around the yard without tripping in a hole and fix a meal or brownies without getting exhausted!
  • I miss me! I miss being able to bounce out of bed, being able to run, to dance to skip/hop/jump whatever! . I miss the reality of being able to chase my dreams. I miss me.
  • I have to believe that everyone misses the earlier version of himself or herself as they age, too.
  • Thank you for sharing. I say this a lot. I miss what I used to be able to do and can’t. I don’t even know who “me” is anymore. My identity was through my work and my child and all the things I could do for others and now I often wonder, “who am I?”
  • I am beginning to hate the new me!!!
  • I get so depressed if I start to think about original me.
  • I miss me like crazy!!!!! I say that to myself EVERYDAY
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  • I want to run, even though I was not a runner!
  • I read his blog, it’s so insightful. My every move is fraught with thought. I miss the “me” that was.
  • Great article! It’s depressing to think about what MS stole from me but I know there are others who have it worse than I do and I try to stay positive. Keep writing it helps to know I am not alone.
  • I want me back, but I don’t see that happening.
  • Just learning to accept there is a new me but so hard to let go of the old me.
  • Things that seemed so simple are now a struggle. Thanks MS–NOT!
  • I miss being me. Feeling like I can do anything. I miss having a job, and making money.
  • Wow, this is so powerful! I miss me and have been missing me for 16 years now! I don’t know how many times I say I want my OLD life back!

What about you? Do you miss a previous version of yourself? Please share with us in the comments!

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Nurturing Your Roots

By: Shannon Loftus

I have MS. While I am many things, a wife, a stay-at-home, work-at-home, home-schooling mom, it is that last word that reigns supreme over me. I am a mom. I am a mom who has MS. So, this month, I want to share with you how I made it over the hurdle of educating my son about my illness, and my personal thoughts on educating our children, particularly our little ones, when it comes to our MS.

I was diagnosed, finally, when my little guy was 3. I am of the opinion that my health issues are mine, and mine alone. I believe that there is no reason to burden my little guy with my dealings with MS (or the epilepsy, or the spinal stenosis). So, I had made the choice to not tell him until he was old enough to understand what it all meant. I never hid it, but I never went out of my way to chat with him about it. He is my son, not my “bestie.” He looks to me for leadership, and he does not want to be my sounding board. He wants the strength of a parent, not the venting-session of a buddy.

I had had this discussion with a member of our local support group, who always seemed to want to know when and if I had told my son. I always said no, not yet. He came to group with me, and still does, but pretty much spends his time in the venue’s play area. In 2012, at the age of 7, I attended a group meeting and was deep in discussion with another member. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this person (the one interested in my telling of MS to my son), talking to my boy, and giving him a coloring book. I thought nothing of it. On the way home, he starts asking me; Mommy, are you going to die? What is MS? Why do you have it? Will I get it? I asked him why he was so upset (he was crying by this time). Then he shows me the coloring book. It is a coloring book/activity book/educational book, for children, put out by another organization, and while a fine product, well-written and engaging, I did not think it the right fit for my family, particularly given my son’s age, so I had foregone its use as an “educational tool” or “discussion starter.” I was mortified that another adult had taken it upon themselves to introduce my son to my illness, and in such an impersonal manner (yes, I addressed it with that person).

So, my cresting of the “discussion” hurdle, when it came to educating my son about my MS, was not some heroic event, but rather more of a giant face plant, courtesy of another person’s interference. My son, husband and I made it through what became a mud-run obstacle course of questions and answers, crying, full of hugs, and a little guy being scared his momma was gonna die. He is now just shy of 10, and he does not know all the details of MS. That will come with, according to his interest in learning about it, and ability to understand the science behind. Right now, he just knows mommy is ok; mommy is sick and some days her legs don’t work right, or her eyes hurt, or she is really tired and hurting, and she is definitely forgetful, and sometimes she needs her cane, or even her pirate eye patch. With that latter one, I can still get him to wear one, and it helps to take the edge off of his nerves and we laugh ourselves silly.

You see, I had read the children’s book before, and I knew it was inappropriate for my son, at that age, and what my husband and I were then forced to deal with went beyond MS education or simple family discussion. It became crisis management. Not the desired “teaching moment.” I find tools like that to be a one-size-fits-all approach, and let’s face it…how many times has the one-size ever fit you? It is always too big, too small, too short, too long, and never just right.

Children are like trees to me…they need strong roots to support them as they grow. So, teaching your child about your MS, really needs to be like watering that tree. It needs to be done with care. You don’t just turn a hose on a tree and walk away. You can drown it. Or your hose might be defective and your tree thirsts to death. Our children are the same. You can overwhelm them with too much information that they cannot adequately process in terms of their emotional maturity. You can underwhelm just as easily and then they may think you are keeping something from them (like the water for the thirsty tree).

I still sometimes stress out about my MS and discussing it with my boy. He still has questions. I stress out about not being the physically active mom that I dreamed of being. I look at other moms and dads playing hard with their kids in parks and I am not capable of that. I relayed to my husband once about how much it hurt that I couldn’t be a normal mom of a young boy. He looked at me, and he said, “But you are. You are his normal. You are what he knows, because you are all he has ever known as a mom.”

Those words were priceless. He was right. So, I now relay them to you. You are your children’s “normal.” Given that, you know what information your child needs, wants, and can handle about your MS. You may need to have a talk with them now, or you may not. The children’s book might be the perfect tool for you, or it might not.

Most importantly, don’t not talk to your children. Educate them, make them aware, but do it on your terms, and look to what your “normal” is. In this way, your leap over that hurdle will be magnificent and filled with a sigh of relief. It will not be an echo chamber of a collective gasp of horror. Trust me.

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