B & B

By Doug Ankerman

Let’s be frank.  You have MS.  I have MS.  So we have that in common.

It also means we may have similar problems when it comes to B & B.  No, not bed & breakfast.  B & B as in bowel & bladder.

Yeah it’s not enough that MS throws a wrench in the works with our gait, balance, vision, emotions, memory, dexterity and much more – but it also takes a swing below the belt with potty stuff, namely lightning-fast urgency to go and crushing constipation.

But after over 20 years of shared bliss with multiple sclerosis, I’m used to it.  In fact, the bowel and bladder have become such an influential part of my life, I carry their picture in my wallet.

Every day my bowel & bladder taunt me, tease me and pick on me like two older brothers raze the youngest sibling.  So I must stay close to the little boy’s room.  At times it’s like being tethered to the toilet.  I feel like an astronaut on a spacewalk, only getting so far away from the ship.  Or the bathroom in my case.

As a result, I believe my bladder has some type of built-in sensor, like a urological GPS unit.

It knows the location of every restroom near and far.  And like a dog, I must leave my mark in every one.

Another element of MS you probably already know…is the closer you get to the bathroom – the more urgent you have to go.  Sometimes my urge is so strong I begin the whole “unsnapping, unbuckling and unzipping” process before I get the door closed.

And be warned as the “festivities of going” usually begin as soon as your foot crosses the threshold of the bathroom.  The bladder figures “Hey, I’m in the war zone, might as well fire the first shot!”

I could go on why we MSer’s are so consumed with our “B & B’s”, but what’s the point.

We really aren’t that fond of these vital organs, they simply control our every movement…Strike that (Poor word choice)…MSers must keep close tabs of every nuance of our faculties.

Just add it to everything else we have to be aware of, right?

Keep fighting.

*Doug pokes fun at MS and other nonsense on his humor website at myoddsock.com. He also disappoints his family on Twitter @myoddsock.

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