Adjusting to Change

rsz_older_caucasion_woman

Change is something that continually occurs throughout life for all people and to different degrees. Change may have very mild, subtle effects, or very significant effects depending on what’s being altered. Sometimes change can be a good thing, and sometimes not. One of the most difficult concepts to accept about change is that at times you have no control over it. In our individualized society we try to live by the mantra that we control our lives and what happens to us day-by-day, but this is not always the case. Sometimes the unexpected arises and we play no part in its occurrence. An unexpected illness, a loss, or other unforeseen situations are some of the incidences that can transpire due to no control of our own. When the unexpected occurs, what can you do to help adjust and cope with this new-found circumstance, that wasn’t necessarily welcome or planned for?

  • Talk to others about the changes that have occurred. Communicating to trusted loved ones, friends or your healthcare team can help you explore ways to adjust by receiving outside perspectives.
  • Reflect on what the change has affected. By recognizing what’s different you can make your own adjustments that will work for you in your day to day.
  • Explore your support resources. If change has had emotional, physical, or social impacts for you, it’s important to know who you can reach out to for help.
  • Bring focus to things that you enjoy and that you can control in your day-to-day. Make decisions that help to ensure that changes are modified to fit your needs.

Change can take some getting used to, especially if it’s something unpredictable. Though some things are uncontrollable and unforeseen at times, individuals do hold influence over the way they can approach change and react to it. It’s how you make the change work for you that’s significant.

Share

Getting Graphic When You Have Multiple Sclerosis

Young couple looking distressed or angry

Sometimes when you try to communicate with others, your point may be misconstrued, or something may be lost in translation, or you feel that no matter what you are saying the other person just doesn’t “get it.”

In my role here at MSAA, I have heard from many people who are frustrated or disappointed that someone close to them, be it a family member, a friend, or even a close co-worker (someone who they know cares about them), just doesn’t “get” MS. They may not understand the daily or even hourly ups and downs of MS, or the invisible or hidden symptoms you are trying your utmost to manage, or maybe it’s just an expectation that everything should be the same as before your diagnosis, when for you it feels like the whole world has shifted.

No one wants to feel that our friends, family, and supporters are clueless, unhelpful, or uncaring…after all you KNOW they care about you, and that’s why you include them and want them to be a part of your life, and that’s why it feels so wrong when you can’t express your needs or they don’t seem to “get” what it is you are dealing with, or struggling with, or needing.

When words aren’t enough, get graphic…and not in the style of an R-rated movie, but instead embracing that sometimes a photograph, picture, or artwork can help support what you are saying. Even a visualization can sometimes be helpful, for example, “Sarah, I know that you are trying to help, but when you say that it makes me feel like you’re asking me to put a bag with a smiley face on my head…can you picture that? ” If you picture it, a person with a smiley face bag is being asked to hide their true emotions, or even if they express those emotions they cannot be seen by others. Sarah may picture that bag the next time she wants you to turn your frown upside down and be more empathetic to your needs.

So, the next time you feel like words are just not enough: snap a photo of how you are feeling, draw a picture of your thoughts, or give a visual depiction of your concerns. You may find that a visual display is sometimes the bridge that is needed to help your support person really “get it.”

Share

You’re My Person…

rsz_shutterstock_84632779

So in our day to day we sometimes overlook things that are important to us. It’s not done on purpose or due to an act of spite; it’s realistic that things get pushed to the side when we have so many other things going on. In a world such as ours with life going a mile a minute, how can things not go unnoticed? But when you do have time to talk, to listen, and be with someone else, who brings out the best of who you are? Who’s your person? Who is that being you turn to when you need someone to confide in? What is it about this person that makes you feel so comforted in communicating with them?

Every individual is different; thank goodness for that! It’s a person’s quirks, attributes, and strengths that attract us to them in the first place. We like when someone is different from us so they can offer new perspectives on things, but we also like when we share the same interests and personality traits that make the relationship flow so well. We tend to look for connections that will hopefully bring out the best in us – someone to complement our traits and allow the best part of us to shine through. We confide in others when we need to vent, discuss things out loud, and find validation for what we’re going through. It’s comforting to know that someone else is there when we need to reach out.

Your go-to person may be a family member, friend, significant other, or someone else – the relationship title doesn’t make a difference. It’s the communication and bond you share that matters. Family members may drive you crazy at times, but sometimes they’re the ones you’re closest to, without even realizing it. If you are still looking for your ‘person,’ that one who you can confide in and turn to in times of need, take another look; they may already be a part of your life…..

Who’s your person?

Share

The Time is Ripe…Despite Multiple Sclerosis

Banana_in_hand

If you like to eat bananas, then you know that there are only a few days that they are in their prime. You go from the green tough phase, to one or two days of yellow perfection, and then the brown spots, bruises, and too sweet taste takes over.

If you eat avocados, then you know that when you buy them you have to feel them each day until they get just soft enough, and if you buy them soft, you must consume that day or miss your window of opportunity. In fact, sometimes it may seem like your avocado only has a few hour span where it is perfect for consumption.

So, what do bananas and avocados have to do with anything (aside from eating them, since they can be delicious and healthy snacks…just not served together)?

There are things in life you may want to do, but find you don’t have the time and/or the planning just never seems to work out. You know, like when you belong to a gym, but every time your schedule has an opening you are too fatigued to go. What about that painting class you wanted to take, but it is only held on a weeknight. which is really inconvenient? Sometimes you may be dealing with a banana situation where you only have one or two days which might work or an avocado situation where you feel you have mere hours to make something happen.

Yes, life is complicated and busy, and can be extremely overwhelming.  MS often throws a wrench into all of those carefully laid plans, but if there are things that you want to do: meet up with your friends, take that class, and get to the gym. Despite MS, the time is ripe to take charge and enjoy all of those things you want to do with your life. Sometimes it may take careful planning, re-prioritizing, and positive self-talk to get you there, but it’s worth trying. There may be cancelled appointments and days when you need to take a nap instead, but don’t let those days take over for planning for every other day.

After all, you probably still buy bananas even though you know you might not get to eat each one before it turns brown, and if you aren’t already acquainted, please meet your new friend guacamole.

 

Share

Time to wind down…

After a long and seasonably warm 4th of July holiday weekend, it may be time to relax and recover a bit from the weekend’s festivities and weather. A long holiday weekend can tire anyone out, and for those with MS, the heat index does not add favorably to the situation. Spending time with loved ones and friends, though enjoyable, can be tiring as well, so make sure to focus on your needs and health after these get-togethers. Take some time for yourself-retreat to cooler environments, take a stroll in the evening to unwind, or settle down with a hobby or activity you favor. Taking a time out from busy activities can help you catch your breath and get back into a routine that works in your day to day.

What do you do to wind down?

Share

Who’s in your circle?

After attending a retreat this week for helping professionals, there were a lot of things put into perspective for me. One being that we all need to make time for is self-care in our routines, to maintain a balance between things we must do and things we should be doing for ourselves on a daily basis. But another poignant moment at the retreat posed the question: “Who do you want to bring into your circle?” The circle symbolizes your safe space, the area you’re surrounded by that accompanies you through your day to day. It represents your thoughts and hopes and also your vulnerabilities. So the question that was posed of whom you’d want to enter this space with you or who you’ve already accepted into this space was profound. It’s not often that we are able to take the time to consciously think of those we’re surrounded by and why it is we’ve chosen them to be a part of our lives. Being able to reflect on this was moving.

We go through life at times with certain blinders on. We rush through daily activities and sometimes forget that we’re part of a bigger world, full of other people experiencing similar types of thoughts and feelings, though each unique and different in their own way. Our circles intersect with others, and though we may not realize it, some of us have already chosen whom or what we’d like as part of our circle. They are the family and friends we surround ourselves with, those we let in when we need to connect and feel validated. They are the places we like to visit, the things we enjoy doing most. It can really be anything or anyone; it’s up to you who enters the circle, because after all, it is yours.

Who’s in your circle?

Share

Let’s Get Together: 4 Tips for Maintaining Friendships

Life Balance Diagram Showing Family Career Health And Friends

In a world full of chaotic days filled with busy agendas and routines, it’s difficult to maintain some relationships you hold with others. Promises of “let’s get together” are sometimes broken, not that it’s done purposefully, but at times it’s hard to manage all the expectations in a given day.

Certain tasks are given priority, while others are pushed to the side to wait for another day. This is a realistic expectation in the 21st century; people are just plain busy! So what can rsz_shutterstock_14174770you do to keep the relationship connections going, even if the world is pulling you in all sorts of directions?

Here are some ideas to stay connected:

  • Set aside a specific time during the week that you plan to call or get together with friends/family. Work it into your schedule so that you know it is part of the agenda you plan to keep.
  • If you struggle with remembering plans you’ve made, set a reminder for yourself. Make a note and keep it somewhere it can be easily seen, or set an alarm on your phone for the date.
  • Have the other person contact you! If it’s difficult to remember to reach out, request to have that person reach out to you.
  • If something occurs that interferes with your plans, make an effort to reschedule it as soon as possible; that way, it’s already planned for another time.

How do you stay connected?

Share