Loving Yourself First

What is love? Webster’s dictionary defines love as “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person”. After a day like Valentine’s Day, it is hard not to question the concept of love. Perhaps you are in a long term relationship, maybe you have yet to find love, or have just ended a relationship. By definition, love doesn’t solely rely on a relation with another person, it can define the feeling you have for yourself as well.

Truly loving yourself and having the respect for the person that you have become can be a challenge for some. Uncontrollable events occur in life that may change the way that one perceives themselves. Perhaps there are goals or outcomes that seem unmet, or feelings that are unresolved. Coming to a place of understanding and acceptance of the uncontrollable events and embracing the change they may have created is the first step in loving who you are as a person.

By accepting the changes that have occurred, you allow yourself to move forward without any self-doubts or negative thoughts. But this too is a process. One does not wake up one morning and choose to accept the many years of life’s up and downs. Daily affirmations or positive thoughts about your self can be an effective way to practice self-love and acceptance. You can create your own, or utilize one of the many that can be found in books or online.

The Law of Attraction states, “like attracts like”, meaning, what you put out into the world, is what you attract. If you feel positively about yourself and love yourself, you will attract that same level of positive energy in another. When you don’t like yourself, or don’t feel yourself worthy of love, it can be difficult for someone to find that in you as well.

The change to a place of self-acceptance and love cannot occur overnight. If you feel as though you need additional support or help in removing the self-doubts or negative thoughts, a counselor may be able to assist in getting to the root of those feelings. Everyone has a right to be accepted and loved, personally and by others. If possible, seek help from a support group or counselor. It is never too late to make a change.

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt” –Max Lerner



Love Conquers All… (Including MS!)

By: Meagan Freeman

Valentine’s Day brings to mind images of unconditional love, commitment, and romance. We see the theme as we stroll through any store during the month of February, the candy hearts, the red roses, and the chocolate. Sometimes, we forget what this concept truly means, and get caught up in the “commercial” aspects of the holiday, instead. If anyone is looking for a true story of love, hope, inspiration, and unending devotion, I have one for you.

My grandparents met on a Southern California Beach in 1944. My grandmother wore a bright yellow bathing suit, as she sat in the sand under an umbrella. My grandfather always described her as “the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.” Both of my grandparents served in the military during World War II, and both were stationed in Santa Monica, CA. It was love at first sight, according to both of them. This bond grew in the following year, and they were married in a beautiful ceremony in 1945. This strong bond they had formed would be tested in the coming decades, and it would carry them through the most difficult times.

In the following decade or so, my grandparents had seven children, three girls and four boys. My mother was the oldest child. Sadly, my grandmother began to develop neurological symptoms such as weakness and emotional instability. Eventually, she experienced seizures on a regular basis. This led to a fairly rapid decline, leaving her wheelchair bound by age 40, and bedridden by age 45. Eventually, she was diagnosed with a rapidly progressive form of multiple sclerosis. The advice regarding MS in the 1950s-1960s was generally to “get in bed and stay there,” and “do not ever exercise.” As we know, this is some of the worst advice for MS patients.

When my grandfather was faced with the decision whether to move his beautiful wife to a nursing home or keep her in the family home, he insisted she remain with him. He lovingly cared for her for over a decade in the home, all while raising the seven children and working to support the family. He helped her to dress in her best clothes during family gatherings, brushed her hair, and made sure she was a part of the family in every way. My grandfather was a photographer, and he took hundreds of incredible family photos, always including my grandmother.

Eventually, my grandmother lost her battle with MS. My grandfather carried on for many more years, visiting the grandchildren (myself included,) gardening, attending church, and waiting for the day he would see his wife again. His faith was strong that he would see her again someday, and he spoke of her often. He passed away in 1994, and on their grave is the quote that sums up the undying dedication they showed for one another through the most difficult times life could throw at them: “Suffering disappears, love remains.”
Love is indeed forever.

meagan feb blogMy grandparents on their wedding day, 1945

 *Meagan Freeman was diagnosed with RRMS in 2009, at the age of 34, in the midst of her graduate education. She is a Family Nurse Practitioner in Northern California, and is raising her 6 children (ranging from 6–17 years of age) with her husband, Wayne. She has been involved in healthcare since the age of 19, working as an Emergency Medical Technician, an Emergency Room RN, and now a Nurse Practitioner. Writing has always been her passion, and she is now able to spend more time blogging and raising MS awareness. She guest blogs for Race to Erase MS, Modern Day MS, and now MSAA. Please visit her at: http://www.motherhoodandmultiplesclerosis.com.


Winding Down from the Holidays

As the holiday season comes to a halt, signs of the New Year are all around us. While families are taking down and storing away decorations, stores are preparing for the next holiday. Windows and aisles are filled with red and pink candies, hearts, and flower holding bears. With all of the displays and reminders about Valentine’s Day, it’s hard not to be swept back up into another holiday.

January is typically the month of New Year’s Resolutions, with everyone vowing to make changes or set goals for the new year. January can also be a time for a re-set. Before jumping back into another holiday, take some time to focus on you and do something that you enjoy, or perhaps have put off over the last few months.

Changing the mentality of getting a jump start on the new year to one of sanctity and calm, may be beneficial for people who find themselves getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forgetting to care for themselves.

Take some time during the day, even as little as 10 minutes, to do something that makes you happy. Sometimes even just sitting in a quiet space and taking a few deep breaths can calm you and prepare you for your next task. It is OK to take time for yourself. By doing so, you are allowing your best self to come forward.

How do you plan to care for yourself this year?


Did Cupid Miss? Finding True Love Wherever it Lies

By: Jeri Burtchell

Ah, February! The prelude to spring and the time of year when happy couples profess their love for one another on Valentine’s Day. What could be wrong with that?

Well, sometimes real life falls short of “Sleepless in Seattle”. A study published in 2010 says that folks with MS have a greater likelihood of ending up divorced than other couples. Odds are, someone with MS who is reading this spent Valentine’s Day alone. No amount of chocolate can make that pill any less bitter to swallow.

When I learned the MSAA blog theme for February would be “love”, I decided to explore the less traveled paths to the heart. Instead of romantic love, this is for all of you who are facing MS head-on and doing it solo. For everyone who thinks the groundhog predicted six more weeks of loneliness.

Everywhere you look in early February, friends are doting on their better halves in tweets and status updates. Pictures of happy couples abound. Even those with MS seem happily connected to the “best husband ever” or “the most amazing wife.” You don’t see anyone saying “I’m single, yay me! I’m doing just fine.”

But there is love beyond romance and I want to draw your eye to it. If you focus on the love that you do have, then perhaps it will ease the sting of having to say “table for one, please.”

Most of us have the love of family that surrounds us. Think about that sister or brother, mother or father, aunt or uncle who is there for you. Helping you cope, caring how you feel, sharing good times and bad. That is love.

Even if you are divorced, there’s a good chance you have kids. They love you, right? Don’t roll your eyes at me that way. Romantic love may come and go, but the bond between parent and child will last a lifetime. That is also love.

No kids, no family, no significant other? Don’t stop looking for the love that seems elusive. Just look a little closer. You may be overlooking a love right under your nose. Literally. Look down. See some little eyes in a furry face looking back up? That, my friend, is love…or it could be hunger. (Nah, it’s probably love).

The unconditional love of a pet is real and powerful. Besides love, the Centers for Disease Control says that having a pet can lower our blood pressure and triglyceride levels, plus chase away our loneliness. They also give us a reason to exercise and opportunities to socialize while we’re at it. Just ask Sheryl about her Teeny Tiny Mighty MS Mascot.

What’s that you say? You have no family, no close friends? Your kids are grown and gone? You’re allergic to pets? All hope is not lost. The camaraderie of an online community may fill the emptiness you feel. Reach out and connect. Meeting others with MS can be rewarding, reassuring and often leads to lifelong friendships. I can honestly say some of the most meaningful friendships I have now began online.

Last but not least, there’s one final love you’ve had by your side all along, although you may have never noticed. You overlooked it while you were pursuing Prince Charming or Mrs. Right. It’s the person who will be by your side through thick and thin no matter what. It’s you.

When you learn to be your own best friend you’ll never be alone. Explore hobbies that give you satisfaction. Read books, go jogging, take a bubble bath, buy yourself a little something. When you see that gorgeous sunset, your first thought won’t be “Oh, if only I had someone to share it with.” Don’t gauge the pleasure of the moment by someone else’s reaction. It’s okay to love the sunset all by yourself.

So if February isn’t your favorite month and all this lovey-dovey stuff your friends are sharing gets you down, just try to focus on all the other love that surrounds you. And cheer up! March is just around the corner and we can soon celebrate MS Awareness Month together.

My parting shot to the romance of February as it heads out the door is, “Yay me! I’m doing just fine.”





*Jeri Burtchell was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. She has spoken from a patient perspective at conferences around the country, addressing social media and the role it plays in designing clinical trials. Jeri is a MS blogger, patient activist, and freelance writer for the MS News Beat of Healthline.com. She lives in northeast Florida with her youngest son and elderly mother. When not writing or speaking, she enjoys crafting and photography.


Intimacy- It’s Not Just About the Physical Relationship

Often when one thinks about intimacy, they think of sex. Intimacy is a process that can involve sex, but does not necessarily have to. Intimacy is defined as “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group” (www.dictionary.com). 

There are various forms in which an intimate relationship can occur. One form of intimacy is intellectual intimacy where two people “exchange thoughts, share ideas and enjoy similarities and differences between their opinions.” If they can do this in an open and comfortable way, then they can become quite intimate in an intellectual way. This relationship can occur with a close co-worker or neighbor, in an on-line forum, or with a pen-pal. 

A second form of intimacy is experiential intimacy. With this type of intimacy, individuals would get together to “actively involve themselves with each other.” This can differ from a friendship in that the individuals do not exchange thoughts or feelings. They are just involved in mutual activities. This relationship could occur in an aerobics class, or at a religious center, for example.    

A third form of intimacy is emotional intimacy, where two individuals can “comfortably share their feelings with each other or when they empathize with the feelings of the other person, really try to understand and try to be aware of the other person’s emotional side.” This relationship typically occurs between partners, family members, or close friends. Emotional intimacy may also occur in support groups, where individuals connect on an emotional level because they share similar experiences. 

Every intimate relationship does not have to include all the different aspects or types of intimacy that have been mentioned. Many intimate relationships can exist in any one of the forms mentioned, or any combination of those forms.

This Valentine’s day, be aware of yourself and your emotional needs. Start with the form of intimacy where you feel most comfortable, and reach out to someone close to you. You do not need to be in a physical relationship in order to experience intimacy. 





Tips for Celebrating Valentine’s Day

The annual holiday that celebrates the expression of love with tasty treats and heartfelt greetings actually has a bit of a mysterious origin. There are different notions and theories that describe this lover’s holiday that have been depicted throughout ancient times, though its actual history is still undefined. To learn more about some of the history associated with Valentine’s Day and its legends, see http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day.

No matter its origin or historical connotation, Valentine’s Day remains one of the most celebrated holidays in our history. It is the second largest card-sending holiday behind Christmas, with women purchasing the majority of the greetings sent. Candy hearts, chocolates and flowers are exchanged to signify the celebration and have been widely rsz_young_couple_smiling_at_each_otherrecognized as hallmarks of the holiday. But these gifts aren’t the only way to express your gratitude and love for another person. Spending quality time with people you love, whether it be family, friends, or a significant other, can show how much you appreciate someone.

Here are some tips on how to celebrate the upcoming holiday:

  • Invite a friend or family member to celebrate the day with you if you’re not romantically attached. The day is about spending time with those you care for; it doesn’t have to be exclusively for couples!
  • Why not stay in? You can make the day about spending time together just watching a movie or playing a game at home.
  • Think creatively and go homemade style for gifts! Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to break the bank, why not make something to give the person you care for?
  • Use the day to express to others how much they mean to you. Tell someone you love them and that you appreciate them and what they bring to your life, not just on this holiday, but all year round!

However you plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day, think of its mystery and indefinite nature, as this provides opportunity for you to find your own niche in making the day special!