By Lauren Kovacs
It is tough when dealing with MS. You don’t want to be the burden and the boil on someone’s bum. But, you also don’t want to seem stubborn in not asking for help. The winds of MS are blowing at each other. I get it.
Sadly we have to buffer the winds. Bad hair days from those winds are common. Keeping calm in the wind storm is hard. MS is a strong contender. Being calm can help avoid a flare.
Not easy to please others by asking for help, keeping your independence, and not feeling like a burden. The end result is guilt. As if MS is not enough, this reality gets heaped on top. Guilt is the cherry on top. A rotten cherry at that.
Just do the best you can. People have families, careers, and a life. Ask for help, but have alternate plans. Options. I personally would rather be seen as stubborn than ask for help.
I will find a way. My ways may not be the best, but I find a way. If I have to crawl through mud and pouring rain, I will and I have, then so be it. Ask for help, but also have other options.
Each situation may require careful planning. Options are your friends. Embrace them. Learn to have more than one plan. Plan B and C, a back up for a back up are what the MS life entail.
Surround yourself with options. If those options are people or not, be comfortable with your options. You have to be somewhat familiar with others’ lives and schedules, when you choose people. Your options may not include people for one reason or another.
The last thing we need is guilt because someone helped. Heck, seeking help can be stressful. Find a way, if you can. Your dignity is, in a way, expendable. Carrying the burden of guilt is impossible. At times, help is not convenient for anyone.
If your spouse can’t help and your older kids have school, plan C might be launched. Plan C has a new baby, plan D needs to be shown the light of day then. Plan D is out of town. Move on to plan E.
There are times when having options might be too much work. This is when I am accused as being stubborn. Just doing something myself may require less effort. After the foiling of options, I just might try to do it myself. Be safe though. Choose safe options.
Options are often the only way. If a plan falls through, you have another ready. I remember building sand castles as a kid. Mine always had more than one moat. Weird, I know. Build extra moats, in case one fails.