By: Lauren Kovacs
My name is Lauren Kovacs and I am 41. The stress of moving from California to rural Virginia poked the MS monster for the first time at age 16. My official diagnosis didn’t show up on stage until I was 21.
I was a pediatric patient with optic neuritis. This meant no learning to drive, no depth perception in gymnastic, and crashing into hall walls at school. I was not in a good place, but the MS monster had only stirred.
After nine months, my vision returned. Life went on. I went to college and made the university’s cheer team. MS was never the diagnosis at 16.
I worked part-time, took a full load of classes, and was a college athlete. The summer before my senior year, after a very tiring and hot week at cheer camp, I got sick. I rode home on the floor of the student-athlete van. I unknowingly had poked the monster again.
The next day, I went numb from the neck down. So began my quest for an answer. Some thought it was a virus and others thought I had been dropped in cheerleading camp and had a slip disc. I stumped all the athletic doctors for the university’s athletes. Cool. The best was a civilian doctor who told me I had a stroke and sent me back to campus with muscle relaxers.
I went back to my original neurologist. An MRI and other tests came back showing MS. The doctor told me not to research it. I was sent back to school. Confused, alone, angry, and tired was the casserole I was served. Newly diagnosed and alone, questions swam in my head and some chocolate in hand, as comfort.
I didn’t make it to nationals for UCA and I felt my teammates were more worried about re-doing the routine without me than my devastating diagnosis. Some even accused me of faking in order to skirt practice.
I kept going. I pushed on. I graduated, got a job, and married my sweet heart. I saw a new doctor who put me on Avonex. I had baby boy one. Four months later, I was hit with a horrible flare leaving me numb from the neck down again. After slithering around on the floor with a new baby, IV steroids were prescribed. Life went on. I did Appalachian clogging and was very active. I started figure skating instead to combat the heat.
Baby boy two arrived without any MS issues at all, except my fall down the stairs, which I can blame on MS. He was premature with health issue. A toddler and a sick infant meant stress. I finally changed doctors, after five years, because he refused to prescribe anything, but Avonex. He kept telling me I would get used to it.
The new doctor prescribed Copaxone, not long before we moved to North Carolina. I took Irish dance lessons, once we moved. The two boys were doing well. Heat, fatigue, and stress were manageable. The monster appeared to be contained.
Baby boy number three arrived and that began my slow decent. The monster was waking up. I was able to nurse for eight months. I was thrilled. IV steroids forced me to end that scene. However, they did their job and I changed doctors again. That is five neurological, if you are counting.
I had a new doctor who finally believed three healthy boys and me. Life was good, too smooth really. When my youngest was four, rocks were being thrown onto my path. The Betaseron was no longer working and I began sporting a cane. The monster was fully awake.
No worries, I can adapt, I thought. We took a Disney cruise with friends and when I had trouble walking onto the boat, I knew things were changing. I sat and waited for a cast-member to get a wheelchair. I held back tears, but the cast-member said I would enjoy my trip more. I did, but I felt crushed.
By the time my youngest was in first grade, I used a walker. I was also head cheerleading coach at their school. I was officially handicapped and life was getting tougher.
Here I sit, now. I only use a walker in the house. I crawl on my hands and knees, if I am not steady. I have the kids make dinner and there have been times I instruct from face down on the floor. But, I do it and I fight.
MS is a battle and you must never give in. Being realistic and humor go hand in hand with MS.
