By Dan and Jennifer Digmann
Living with MS requires us to pay attention to more than our schedules. We also have to listen to our bodies.
Life has a way of filling our calendars and to-do lists.
There are responsibilities to meet, people who need us, and plenty of things we simply want to do. Add multiple sclerosis to the equation, and finding balance becomes even more complicated.
What we’re able to do can change from day to day. Something that feels manageable one day might be exhausting the next. We have learned that pushing through is not always the best answer.
That doesn’t always come easily.
After Dan spent an evening at a church council retreat, we wanted to stay up late to watch the Dodgers in the playoffs. Then we remembered that we would be out late the next night for an event with David Sedaris, one of our favorite authors.
We knew we needed sleep. We also really wanted to watch that game. So we compromised and watched it in bed, figuring we could drift off if the game got boring.
Apparently, even after decades of living with MS, we are still testing how far we can push our limits.
We want to participate in life and spend time with family and friends. We enjoy serving our church and continuing our work as MS advocates. We say “yes,” because being involved matters to us. Yet saying “yes” to everything can mean saying “no” to our well-being.
We have learned that balance requires flexibility. Sometimes, the laundry can wait, or an outing needs to end early. Other times, we need to devote an afternoon to rest. Asking for help also can make room for what matters most.
We recognize, too, that our limits aren’t identical. We each live with MS, but we don’t experience it in the same way. Respecting one another means understanding that what works for one of us might not work for the other. We have to communicate honestly, offer each other grace, and remember we are on the same team.
Of course, we don’t always get it right. We overcommit or underestimate how tired we will be. Sometimes we get frustrated when our bodies don’t cooperate with our plans.
Yes, we even get snippy with each other when we’re physically and emotionally exhausted. Hard to believe, but we ARE human.
We’re still learning. Experience doesn’t eliminate the challenges. It simply helps us recognize them a little sooner.
Perhaps our most important lesson is that rest is not the opposite of productivity. Respecting our limits is not giving up. Taking care of ourselves helps us be more present for what we value most.
Finding balance does not mean that we perfectly divide our days between everything that demands our time and our attention. It means adjusting as life changes and recognizing that our worth is not measured by how much we accomplish.
MS has not taken away our desire to live meaningfully. Sometimes, doing less allows us to experience more.
We regularly remind ourselves that sometimes the best way for us to keep moving forward is to know when to pause.
About Dan and Jennifer
Dan and Jennifer Digmann each have lived with multiple sclerosis for more than 26 years and are the creators of “A Couple Takes on MS.” Through their podcast and blog, they share honest conversations about life, love, caregiving, advocacy, and finding joy despite the challenges of MS. They have been married for nearly 21 years, and together they believe some of life’s best moments are built one step, one roll, and one story at a time.