I’ve realized that learning to ask for what I need is an art form. While this may come naturally to some, others may find it difficult to put into words. Advocating for ourselves takes self-awareness, clarity, and practice — but the good news is that these skills can be learned and strengthened over time.

At our core, humans are wired for connection and belonging. Advocating for ourselves and asking for what we need can feel risky because it carries the fear of being rejected, dismissed, or seen as “too much,” “too needy,” or “difficult.” And yet, we all have an innate need to feel heard, validated, and understood.

According to psychologist Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication framework, identifying your feelings (e.g., overwhelmed, dismissed, undervalued) and then the underlying need (e.g., respect, rest, recognition) is key to effective communication. Many people may not understand exactly what we’re experiencing, but most of us can empathize with emotions — whether that’s fear, frustration, or anger.

Advocating for ourselves is more effective when we use clear and assertive communication that is also respectful and thoughtful. Strong emotions like anger or fear can make it difficult to express ourselves and may trigger defensiveness in others. Choosing the right time to speak up is just as important as how we say it. Waiting for a calmer moment or asking to revisit the conversation later can be helpful. By making a request instead of a demand, we create space for mutual respect and understanding. Try using “I” statements such as, “I’m feeling overwhelmed — I need time and space to process this.”

Like any art form, learning to say “this is what I need” takes practice and patience. It’s not about being perfect — it’s about being honest. Self-advocacy doesn’t mean we always get exactly what we ask for, but it does mean we show up for ourselves with clarity and courage.