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By Penelope Conway

At the end of an exhausting day yesterday, I collapsed into my bed and tried to sleep. You know, that thing where you curl up, close your eyes, snore and drool? Unfortunately, it didn’t work out for me last night. I spent the entire time wide awake through the yawns. A full night of sleep for me is more like a trip to a baseball game on a sold-out night than a trip to a relaxing spa.

Game night goes something like this…

You find your seat and settle in for the game with your team shirt on, a foam finger in one hand and a bag of peanuts in the other. “Play ball”…the game has begun, but since you are in the third seat on your row, everyone has to step over you to get to their seat. Your toes get stepped on by the first person coming by, you get smacked in the head with the next lady’s purse, and elbowed by the person after her.

You endure constant commotion and movement as people carry drinks and food up and down the row. One person even spills part of their drink on you. Then, just as the game is getting good, the person next to you starts talking so loud that you can’t even hear your own thoughts anymore.

You are stuck listening to everything about their job and the problems they are having with their boss…things you didn’t need to know, but now do…and in the process, you miss the epic play of the night. You were there the night a world record was set, but have to watch the replay to find out what really happened. You simply wanted to enjoy the game but it seems like there’s more going on in the stands than on the field.

That about sums up a night of sleep for me with MS: pain, dizziness, breathing difficulties, tossing and turning, muscle spasms, trips to the bathroom, and an overactive brain that won’t shut up. A night of sleep…I wish! Meds do help and for that I’m thankful.

When a friend tries to rationalize or downplay my fatigue, it can hurt. Many times it seems like the more I try to explain how tired my tired is, the more they try to fit it into their little perception box. Understandably so, they aren’t the ones living with it, but sometimes I just wish I could give them a taste of what my fatigue actually feels like. Maybe then they would get it.

I appreciate when a friend asks me to do something, but then is ok if I end up declining their invite because my body is simply too exhausted to function, even if it ends up being a last minute change.

Lately those times happen more times than I like. Sometimes just the thought of having to get myself dressed and looking presentable wears me out. If it’s not messy hair, sweat pants and t-shirt doable, it’s a lot of work.

Those that love me enough to give me the option to choose and then are okay if my decision is different than what they want or planned for, those are some of the most amazing people on the planet. No one should ever have to spend time defending how they feel and why.

The world is buzzing by at a hyper speed and it tries its best to force us to keep up with the pace it sets, but MS has given me a slower pace that requires pit stops and naps. Most of the buzzing about that the world wants us to do isn’t really important anyway.

I choose to hold onto the things that really matter in life like great friends, savory coffee and naps. Yes, naps are my new favorite.

*Penelope Conway was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in November 2011. She is the author and founder of Positive Living with MS (http://positivelivingwithms.com/) where she uses humor and her own life experiences with MS to help others navigate this unpredictable journey. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day.

Fatigue is one of the most common symptoms among those with MS, but this fatigue is not the same as just being tired. And to make matters worse, it’s possible to be completely exhausted but unable to sleep. Our amazing contributor, Ashley Ringstaff, recently wrote an article called “Extremely Tired….but Can’t Sleep.” She says, “I can be completely exhausted where I can’t do a lot, I have no energy to even move all day, and when it’s finally time for bed, I will lay there hoping I will get some much needed sleep. But sometimes, that’s not the case.” As it turns out, many of our community members could relate to Ashley’s story. Here’s what they had to say:

I find that I’m always tired but have trouble sleeping at night

I need naps in the afternoon and then can’t fall asleep at night. I seem to wake up at 3:00am almost every night. I’m lucky if I sleep more than 4 hours at a time. It’s very frustrating, but at least I don’t have to get up for work.
This has been a new symptom for me in the last 12 months it is driving me crazy. I take trazadone for sleep, and it has worked for over 20 years but it doesn’t seem to work anymore. The summer also seems to make it worse. I am barely functioning during the day.
                   I haven’t slept more than a few hours a day for the past 6 months. I can feel the effect on my whole body.
MS has given me insomnia.
This happens to me all the time. I used to sleep 10 hours a night, anywhere, anytime! I miss that so much. But even getting some sleep now does not mean feeling rested.
This was me last night. I was tired but up until 5:00am, then slept until 9:30am. I’m exhausted but my body is ready to party.
  ‪This is me exactly! One reason I had to leave my job was because I was falling asleep around 3pm. At night my mind goes 100 miles per hour, so hard to shut it off but during the day I can’t remember what I was doing.
I’ve gone 7 days now with only 15 hours of sleep. In my opinion, this is this is the most irritating part of this disease.
People don’t believe me when I say how tired I am. They just don’t understand.

Even when I do sleep, I’m exhausted

I slept 10 hours last night and woke up exhausted. I spent the day riding around with a friend looking for yard sales. My body is so tired my legs don’t want to work now.
I think I sleep well for a while, and then I wake up. It takes hours for me to fall back to sleep, but I wake up every morning fatigued, and some mornings dizzy and disoriented.

I’ve found a few methods to help with my insomnia and fatigue

Meditating can help to “shut off” your brain when you’re trying to go to sleep.
I have tried multiple drugs, techniques, yoga, baths and meditation. I exercise frequently too, which helps when I am up for it.
I have had this on and off since being diagnosed in 2004. Some things that might help include taking a warm shower or bath a little before bed time or using a little lavender essential oil on your chest.
I only get about 5 hours a night if I’m lucky. I lay down at 11 30 but my brain won’t shut down. I read and listen to music to relax enough. Last night I had to take my lorazapam to finally fall asleep at 3am.
I’m lucky to get 5 hours of continuous sleep any night. I have done the sleep study. I lost significant weight some years ago, which resolved the sleep apnea. I take naps when the fatigue has taken its toll. I have accepted insomnia as my normal. I find it easier to work with it than to fight it. I do some of my best work at 0 Dark-Thirty AM.

What about you? Do you have trouble sleeping despite being tired? Share with us in the comments!

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