Has Your MS Caused You to Embrace the Hermit-Life?

“I make plans, I cancel plans, all in the name of MS.”

“Friends just don’t understand, I’d rather just stay home.”  

MS can be overwhelming in so many ways that most others can’t understand or relate to.  Many individuals with MS find it can be exhausting and tiring to get out and socialize.  The constant forgoing of plans, canceling on activities that you may have looked forward to for weeks because of a flare-up, or the feelings of exhaustion and frustration that come along with your daily MS battles may push you more and more towards a hermit-like life. We recently shared an article with our community from our advocate, Laura, called Has MS Made You a Hermit? The response from our community members was amazing. Here are some highlights from what they said.

“I tend to push people away that want to help, forgetting this is new territory for them too.”

“Regarding help and independence, it’s annoying because OFTEN people want to help me when I DON’T want help, and don’t want to help me when I DO want/need help”

It’s challenging going places and dealing with people who insist on “helping”.  Sometimes, when you go out, others feel the need to constantly try and “help”, when, in actuality, you are capable of doing things on your own.  It just may take a bit longer than others, which is totally okay!  However, it can get taxing to continually try to explain this to others.

“I feel this way a lot, but sites like this keep me going and help me realize I’m not alone.”

“Thank you for speaking out with this piece. Once again, so relieved I’m not the only one.”

Social Media can also be emotionally exhausting on anyone, yet even more draining for those with a chronic condition.  It’s tiring for those that are researching facts and cures and deciphering between lies, truths and half truths.  Social Media can trigger many emotions when reading others comments and situations, and can cause a lot of confusion and frustration.  Conversely though, social media sites and communities like ours can often provide a safe social haven where you can get the social exchange you might occasionally want, without having to leave your home or expend a lot of energy!

“For me, it’s been easier to not go out and talk to people. Fatigue, cognitive problems and the fact that I really don’t enjoy social events that I would have had fun at before…”

“Been easier to hang out with my dog since she doesn’t ask questions.”

“I love my friends and family, but fatigue says I love my bed a tad more. And with Netflix, popcorn, and wine, I can’t say it’s not time well spent…”

At times, going out socially can cause apprehension and overwhelming feelings, as some attempt to go out for a fun social evening, yet try so hard to avoid negative conversations and situations.  It really can set you back and take a toll.  Sometimes you may just want a rest from all the exhaustion that these situations bring.  Especially if you feel like just getting through each day is a chore!

It is completely understandable if you just want or need to to stay in and stay to yourself to avoid the grueling challenges out there.  You know the balance you need, and what your body can and can’t handle.  It’s completely okay to say that a hermit’s life is the life for you when you need to!

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Staying Connected, Staying Sane: Social Media & MS

By Jeri Burtchell

I’ve never been very outgoing. In my younger days, I was the one off in the corner at the party quietly taking it all in. Casual conversation terrified me.

So it should come as no surprise that, in real life, I only have a handful of friends and most of them are relatives. But when I was diagnosed with MS in 1999, my microscopic social world seemed to get even smaller. I’d never really taken into account that George, who faithfully bags my groceries, or Shirley, who has cut my hair for years, were friends, too.

During my first MS attack my legs became weak and totally numb. I was suddenly unable to drive. My car – and the mundane socialization of everyday interactions – came to a complete standstill. That’s when I realized how much I depended on the Georges and Shirleys of the world to keep me connected.

When I was first diagnosed, I was trying to care for my infant son while grappling with symptoms that made every diaper change seem like an Olympic event. The combination of raging MS and motherhood left me physically and emotionally exhausted. I kept that to myself most of the time, not wanting to burden my family and friends for fear of driving them away. I didn’t realize at the time just how toxic fear and loneliness can be.

It wasn’t until I got a computer and the blazing speed of dial up internet that my world opened up. The gray clouds had parted and the rays of friendship – or at least camaraderie – were beaming in. I found people online I could relate to. Others with MS who understood exactly what I was going through both physically and mentally because of this disease. I had only ever met one person with my condition prior to passing through this portal to a whole new world.

That was back when online forums and chat rooms were about as social as it got. But I learned a lot about my disease from the internet, and even more about symptom management and treatment options from others like myself. People in search of friendship and a way out of the isolation that chronic illness so often imposes on people.

Then came Facebook and Twitter, two platforms that have exploded in popularity, giving us access to the world and each other in real time. Empowering people living with chronic illness to find each other and share information, experiences, and photos of our cats. Facebook groups are where I go to learn the latest news of cutting-edge science in MS. Hashtags on Twitter give me an easy way to join conversations about health activism or to follow my passion – raising awareness about the importance of clinical trials.

It was through one hashtag, #whyclinicaltrialsmatter, that I met my new friend Janelle, who lives in Australia. Despite a 14 hour time difference, we Skype on Sundays now, brainstorming how together we might make an impact on the world.

If MS is the worst thing that has happened to me, the internet and social media have been among the best. My computer has enabled me to travel the world from my living room, learning, growing, and making new friends. Social media was the conduit, turning me from a frightened and lonely introvert into a health activist championing for change. I’m not saying that’s how it would – or should – work for everyone. Social media is a tool. With it, you can build whatever connections you like that fulfill you and add to your happiness and wellbeing.

I may not be close to everyone I know through Facebook or Twitter, but they all bring value to my life. They enrich me, they educate me, and they shine light into dark places when I begin to feel like my world is closing in. So while my small circle of family and friends in real life are my go-to connections, I appreciate what the Georges and Shirleys of this world mean to my social health. And I cherish my online friends who are never out of reach. They’re always just an app away.

*Jeri Burtchell was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. She has spoken from a patient perspective at conferences around the country, addressing social media and the role it plays in designing clinical trials. Jeri is a MS blogger, patient activist, and freelance writer for the MS News Beat of Healthline.com. She lives in northeast Florida with her youngest son and elderly mother. When not writing or speaking, she enjoys crafting and photography.

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Spread Some Sunshine For MS Awareness Month

jeri

March is half over and MS Awareness month is in full swing. We’ve come a long way in helping people understand the difference between multiple sclerosis (MS) and the disease known for “Jerry’s Kids.” I have to admit, I even made that mistake when I was first diagnosed.

Lying there in the hospital bed, feeling vulnerable in the one-size-fits-nobody cotton gown, I listened as my doctor broke the news in his most apologetic tone.

“I can’t say for sure, but it’s possible you have multiple sclerosis,” he stammered.

“You mean like that disease with the telethon?” I asked.

“No, you’re confusing MS with muscular dystrophy,” he corrected me. But that was all I got. No literature or other helpful information that might explain it further.

So here I am, fifteen years later, reflecting on what has changed. Granted, it seems less folks are making that mistake, but we’re a far cry from the level of “awareness” needed to make MS a household word. Wouldn’t it be nice to see medical breakthroughs in MS as part of your typical nightly news program?

Maybe all MS needs is a good PR campaign. That’s where we who are living with it come in, sharing the importance of our cause and getting folks to pay attention.

But how do we go about affecting this change? How can you and I raise awareness so that the words “multiple sclerosis” roll easily off the tongues of healthy people? It takes communication on every level and that should start at home.

Don’t be overwhelmed thinking you have to have a grand plan or platform, or that your voice doesn’t matter. Every voice matters! And I’ve got a simple plan for spreading MS Awareness:

  1. Learn: You can’t explain MS to someone else until you are comfortable that you, yourself know what it is. So learn all you can.
  2. Simplify: If you’re trying to explain how MS affects you, do it with analogies. I always compare my nervous system to an old lamp and MS has caused its cord to fray. My brain flickers just like the light when the signals can’t get through. Depending on where it’s frayed, my symptoms will vary.
  3. Express yourself: Don’t think you have to be a writer, speaker, or artist to share what you know about MS. Use your own unique talents. If you like to bake, make cookies with “MS” written in frosting for a conversation starter. Maybe you’re into woodworking, so make a wallhanging or mailbox with an MS theme. Like to sew or make jewelry? Design your own MS emblems and add them to your ensemble in order to spark interest. Everyone has some gift to give to the MS awareness campaign.
  4. Get Social: The internet is a tool of empowerment. Share awareness graphics with your friends on Facebook.  MSAA_month_badge3Tweet links to Awareness fundraisers and events on Twitter. Create a video to help the newly diagnosed understand it’s not the end of the world.  Remember to use hashtag #MSAwareness when posting on social media.
  5. Reach out: Mother Teresa knew what she was talking about when she said “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.” That’s the best advice I ever heard, after all, she made a difference, right? Start with family and friends and before you know it, you are telling the produce manager at the grocery store all about MS.

Think of awareness as sunshine. Every time we spread our MS message, sharing the need for research and funding, we shine a little more light on our cause–and our future looks that much brighter.

References:

http://www.healthline.com/health/multiple-sclerosis/youve-got-this

Credit:

Hope for a Cure” illustration by Jeri Burtchell

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