Relationships and Multiple Sclerosis

Posted on August 28, 2017 by MSAA

By Ashley Ringstaff

Living with multiple sclerosis is life changing for the person diagnosed, but it is also a change for our loved ones as well. I often tell people that my loved ones “Live with MS” also, because it is now a part of their lives for the long haul. It’s a learning experience and modification time for all involved. Things change when we least expect it as well, that will need modifications along the way. Meaning, if we relapse, new symptoms occur, etc.

I can honestly say that when I was first diagnosed that I pushed people away, especially my husband. I was only 22 at the time of diagnosis, and I felt like I didn’t want to make him deal with this at such a young age as well. Luckily for me, he is very stubborn and didn’t allow me to push him away, and for that I’m grateful.

There were people close to me at the time of diagnosis, which I no longer associate with. It was not my choice to no longer be friends with them, but things happen. It hurt, to have people abandon me at such a crazy time in my life. I understand now that not everyone can “handle” multiple sclerosis, even indirectly.

The state of mind I had when I was first diagnosed – I was very depressed, as well as angry. I couldn’t even tell you which emotion I was feeling more of at that time. They were pretty much dead even, but one would be more prominent at times, depending on the situation.

Many people, including myself, will tell you that you find out whom your true friends are when faced with such a life-changing event. I’ve made new friends since my diagnosis, and I have come to tell people straight off the bat that there will be times that I have to cancel last minute on plans, or I can’t give a 100% answer on if I can go to an event or not, because it all depends on other factors. Is the event outside, is it very hot outside, etc.

If you’re reading this, and you are in a relationship with someone that has MS, please be patient, especially if they are newly diagnosed. For those of you that are friends with someone that has MS, in a relationship with them, related to them, etc. Please be patient in general. Also, take the time to try and understand what we’re going through as best as you can. It makes it easier for us to vent and talk to you, when you have some sort of knowledge about multiple sclerosis, and how it affects us on a daily basis.

I have a friend that I don’t get to see as often as we would like, but she still texts me or calls me just checking on me… seeing how I’m doing… Do I need anything? I can’t even being to explain to you how much that means to me, and to many others living with MS. Just having someone there for us, it can mean the world.

For those of you that have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, you are not alone. You have so many of us out here in the MS community that will be there for you and talk to you, and just let you vent… we may need to vent in return. I’ve had so many people message me on social media, and are so glad that they have someone to talk to about this illness, that “get’s it”. Also, know that those around you might want to be there for you, but they just don’t know how. You need to let them know what they can do help you out, or even suggest some things they can read, etc. I know it’s easy to isolate ourselves, to avoid people leaving us in the long run… but then you have no one there for you in the end.

There are so many resources out there that offer ways for you to build relationships with others living with MS in your local community, online, etc. Here is a listing of the organizations apart of the MS Coalition, click here. Here is another listing as well, click here.

Whatever you are feeling and/or going through, it is never ‘wrong’. You have the right to feel certain ways, and we can’t control the way MS affects each and every one of us. We are all affected differently, but we are all in this together. I can honestly tell you that many people that I’ve spoken to with Multiple Sclerosis, want to hand out the “MS &Things People Should NOT Say” list to their loved ones, and other articles I’ve written on MultipleSclerosis.net. There is also a list my good friends and fellow writer, Cathy Chester wrote called, “What People SHOULD Say to Someone Living with Multiple Sclerosis.” This is a good article to read for the friends and loved ones of someone living with MS.

I hope you enjoyed the article, and please feel free to reach out to me on my Facebook page if you ever just need to chat.

*Ashley is a 29 year old from Central Texas, that was diagnosed with RRMS in August 2010, at the age of 22. She is a mom of two boys and loves to read & write in her spare time. Ashley is a blogger for MultipleSclerosis.net, you can view her blogs here. Her writing is mostly written with a sense of humor and personal experiences.

Me, Myself, and MS

Posted on August 25, 2017 by MSAA

By Marc Stecker

Beginning at the moment of diagnosis, people with multiple sclerosis face a rogue’s gallery of disorienting circumstances. The long process of socialization that starts when we are children never prepares us for life with a chronic, potentially disabling illness. Newly minted MSers often find themselves thrust into an alien landscape without the benefit of any maps or navigational aids, left to find their way through a haze of fear and confusion. The social compact which we are taught almost from birth – work hard, play well with others, and your rewards will be reaped – is smashed to smithereens by these four simple words: “You have multiple sclerosis.”

Among the countless aspects of life impacted by the MS are our relationships; both the external we have with others and the internal we have with ourselves. Several studies have shown that the divorce rate among couples with MS is significantly higher than those of the general population. Adding the responsibilities of “caregiver” to a spouse or lover can be too much for some to bear. Many friendships are held together largely by shared experiences. If a person with MS is no longer able to engage in their previous level of social activity, those attachments can fray and sometimes break entirely. Old relationships are often replaced by new – some of my closest friends are now other people with MS, who understand the complexities of this odd life without need of explanation.

Perhaps the most important and least acknowledged relationship affected by MS, though, is internal, the one a patient has with themselves. Facing the realities of life with a chronic and potentially debilitating illness forces one to reshuffle priorities, reorient and sometimes abandon long-held hopes and dreams, and ultimately grapple with who they are at the very core of their being.

Nothing defines the notion of mortality more sharply than being diagnosed with a serious illness. Gone are the illusions of invincibility that we cling to as we strive to climb the social pyramid. Patients with more benign disease may be able to keep up appearances, but deep inside aspects of life that had long been taken for granted are revealed to be not birthrights but precious gifts, subject to being yanked away by the whims of an inscrutable universe.

For the first few years after my diagnosis, when I was still able to work and socialize much as I had before the onset of my illness, at times I felt as if I was a covert agent, possessed of a vital secret kept hidden from the world at large. As my disease progressed and hiding in plain sight was no longer possible, an inevitable reckoning began to take place. I was left to confront aspects of my emotional history that had long been stowed away in the dusty recesses of my psyche.

When my accumulating disabilities forced me to retire, effectively bisecting the narrative flow of my life into “before disabled” and “after disabled”, I found it almost impossible to not look back and contemplate the roads not taken, the opportunities missed. Might a different choice made here or there have allowed me to avoid the trap of multiple sclerosis, or to have lived a richer life before the onset of disease? A question without answers, of course, but also a line of inquiry that begs for the illumination of self-awareness. As the Persian poet Rumi wrote, “the wound is where the light enters.”

MS led to my pondering the me who lurked within, stripped of the material trappings of my healthy life, which more and more became useless as my disabilities mounted. I soon saw that those adornments often served as a sort of camouflage, shiny trinkets employed to distract the overly curious, myself included. Who was I with soul stripped bare by the harsh realities of chronic illness, naked in this strange new world?

I discovered facets of my personality that had been long neglected and rekindled interests and passions that I’d almost forgotten existed. I recognized and then worked on abandoning self-defeating habits I wish I’d been cognizant of when I was well, behaviors that served no purpose other than to hold me back, then and now. I came to understand the power of forgiveness, extended not only to others but also to myself, and that absolving myself of past mistakes was far more challenging than pardoning the misdeeds of others. Indeed, kindness to self can be the hardest form of kindness to practice.

Oddly, I am more at ease with who I am now than I ever was back in my healthy days. And though I’m loath to grant any positives to my experience with this disease, it would be foolish of me to deny the self-knowledge and maybe even the touch of wisdom that multiple sclerosis has granted me. Although creeping paralysis is becoming an ever-greater presence in my life with each passing day, I am and will always be more than my disease. I’m not a unicorns-and-rainbows kind of guy, and I chafe at platitudes about the universe only giving us as much burden as we can bear. But I will say this: getting sick and eventually quite disabled has weakened my body, yes, but it has also strengthened the spirit within

*Marc Stecker lives with his wife in New York City. He was diagnosed with Primary Progressive multiple sclerosis in 2003, and started writing his MS themed blog, Wheelchair Kamikaze, in 2009. As the name of his blog implies, Marc enjoys scaring the bejeezus out of pedestrians on New York City streets by zooming past them in his power wheelchair. To date, there have been no fatalities.

Creating Relationships with MS

Posted on August 21, 2017 by MSAA

By Laura Kolaczkowski

When we talk about relationships it’s easy to immediately think of partners, children, and other family members and how our time with them is impacted by our multiple sclerosis. The twitter hashtag #WeHaveMS rings true because having MS affects everyone in our close family circle.

Then there are other relationships that develop because of our disease – that would include the ongoing contact we have with our care team. Our neurologists, nurses, medical assistances, billing clerks, and everyone else in the MS clinic are people we become familiar with and dependent upon in more than a passing basis, and we develop a long-term relationship with them as well.

As important as our family and our providers are in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships, there is one group that holds more importance than these others – that would be the people who make up the MS community. People living with MS understand what it’s like to live with this disease, the struggle to make peace with this disease, and how to celebrate and live a full life in spite of this disease.

The relationships I have within the MS community are some of the strongest and most important in helping me to live in a positive way, despite having MS. I’m fortunate to have made friends, thanks to my MS, who are usually available at any time to stop what they are doing to take my phone call or answer an email.

Many of these friends I have never met in person, but we have that common bond of living with MS that cement our relationships. More than once my family has looked at me as if I’ve forgotten all the warnings of “stranger danger” and the internet safety while I’ve forged new friendships and comfortable relationships with total strangers.

Being alone with a chronic disease, and particularly with MS, can be bad for us psychologically and often even our physical health can suffer. Creating relationships with others who also happen to live with MS gives us strength in many ways that can’t be measured but is felt deeply. If you don’t already have a special relationship with another person who has MS, I strongly encourage you to join a local support group, an online forum, or even one of the many Facebook groups that focus on multiple sclerosis. Lasting relationships might not develop quickly because those have to be tested over time, but stick with it and I have no doubt you will connect with people of kindred spirit.

*Laura Kolaczkowski was diagnosed with MS in 2008. She is the co-principal investigator for iConquerMS and the lead patient representative. Her interests have taken her into the world of patient centered research, which is meant to deliver answers that are meaningful to the MS community. She is medically retired from the University of Dayton thanks to her MS, and lives with her husband in Ohio. She invites you all to join iConquerMS and help solve the mystery of MS.

Keep it Romantic

Posted on August 16, 2017 by MSAA

By Lauren Kovacs

I am, by no means, an expert on romance or dating. MS is more fact. It does not have bubble shaped hearts floating around. More of a mean Cupid thing.

I married a guy from my church. We met at 17 years old. I was not officially diagnosed until I was 21, but had symptoms at 16. I was the little blonde cheerleader and he was the big high school jock (different schools).

High school sweethearts. Let me barf, I know.

I did well early on. MS did not stop me. MS behaved for the most part the first 15 years. MS lived with US and not the other way around.

My husband knew the heat and fatigue were issues. I was active with our three sons and did Irish dance, clogging, and figure skating. I only stopped because of pregnancy. MS was locked up back then.

Fast forward. My youngest was in preschool and things began to change. I opened up to him and it was just too much. His active wife was starting her descent. The MS pit is dark for everyone.

Work and family life were a lot for him. Dumping my MS garbage on him was not working. I clamped up and bottled it. Not smart. There was only so much room in the bottle. It held evil MS air and not some wonderful magic genie.

Fast forward again. The youngest is 7 and the pressure in the bottle starts to leak. I can’t handle it. I knew I could not unleash on my husband. I really needed help. The talk therapist helped a lot.

Now, I can hardly walk. He knows I can no longer write, sew or paint. He and my sons know I need to be near a potty at all times. He sees me struggle. We don’t really play “what if.” We are mostly one day at a time.

I read books and took the marriage personality test. I had taken a similar test when we did our marriage classes. I knew I needed to dump on someone other than him.

He came to his acceptance of MS on his own terms, in his own time. Like most MSers, acceptance comes in time. I am so very blessed. Lots of MSer’s spouses bail. Pressure comes from all directions with MS. Many relationships require slow tweaking when MS is the 3rd wheel in a relationship.

Step into the other person’s shoes. What if you watched your spouse’s slow decline. It does take a very special person. MSers are special and they deserve a special person.

A disinterested third party is key to keeping the flame lit and keeping the wheels running smoothly.

Relationship Questions I’ll Ask Now That I Live With A Chronic Illness

Posted on August 7, 2017 by MSAA

By Stacie Prada

Here’s the hard thing about relationships when you have a chronic illness. At any given time we’re at a certain place in how we feel about our lives and health, and we hope that those close to us can understand and be there with us. And it doesn’t always happen for our spouses, family members and friends when we need them. They aren’t always able to trust us and be dependable for us when we need them. They aren’t always able to promise or have the ability to be there for us for what we think may be in store for us.

These are good people that have been through tragedies and life hardships before. But sometimes something that isn’t temporary, isn’t going to get any better, and is most likely to get worse is beyond what they can handle.

We don’t sign up for being sick. They don’t either. The difference is they have a choice. And I’m grateful that it became clear before I desperately needed anyone that the relationship I was in wasn’t one that would support me in my probable decline.

I want to be wanted, not an obligation or sacrifice. I see other relationships where people get together after one of them has been diagnosed with MS. I’ve seen how they treat each other, and it’s shown me that it’s possible to have a relationship where hardship exists and it’s not perceived as a burden. The hard things that need to be done are treated as things people do because they love and respect each other.

I don’t want a caretaker. I want a partner. I want someone who will do things for me because they want to, not because they feel obligated. If someone isn’t up for it, the biggest gift they can give is to admit it and bow out.

I cringe when I see articles and comments describing friends, marriages and bodies as not “real.” My marriage was real. And it was good, really good for a while. We were strong and there for each other for a lot of excruciatingly hard times beyond our control. But dealing with what happens and staying around for what might likely come are different things.

For me I realized it wasn’t about whether someone would have me with my chronic illness, the question was whether I wanted them around for my future and helping me with my chronic illness. As I embark on a new relationship someday, I think the questions I’ll want to know the answer to are different and more specific than the first time I married. They extend beyond whether we want children and envision our futures and beliefs align. These are the questions I’ve compiled so far that for me capture relationship traits important for living well with MS:

Can you be gentle and respectful to me when my health inconveniences you?
Can you respect and appreciate me if it gets messy?
Do I like how you treat me when I’m sick or not doing well?
Do you continue to treat me as a partner when taking care of me?
Are you there for me when I need you? Are you accessible? Do you respond to my texts or calls in a timely manner?
Are you there for me because you don’t want to be the bad person or because you want to be with me?
Will you go to doctor appointments with me and share my experience?
Will you do things for me even if they don’t seem like a big deal to you but you know they’re important to me?
How resilient are you? How do you handle stress?
Will how I treat you be enough for you? Will you think being with me is worth the effort it takes?

These questions are reciprocal. Just because I know I have an incurable chronic illness, it doesn’t mean that my partner won’t need the same from me at some point. Nothing is certain, but hopefully building relationships that support unknown futures may be possible.

*Stacie Prada was diagnosed with RRMS in 2008 at the age of 38. Her blog, “Keep Doing What You’re Doing” is a compilation of inspiration, exploration, and practical tips for living with Multiple Sclerosis while living a full, productive, and healthy life with a positive perspective. It includes musings on things that help her adapt, cope and rejoice in this adventure on earth. Please visit her at http://stacieprada.blogspot.com/

Exercise Your Face Off

Posted on July 19, 2017 by MSAA

By Doug Ankerman

I’m a huge advocate of exercise and stretching in the battle with multiple sclerosis.

Though I understand many of us (me included) have trouble with standing, walking and some basic movements of working out, there is one neglected area of our body we CAN exercise…our face!

Did you know you have 43 muscles in your face just waiting to be used?

Instead, we let gravity take over by pulling our faces downward. Sagging till we look less like ourselves – and more like Droopy Dog.

Forget all those age-reducing potions and the creamy-crap you smear on each day. Start looking younger from the inside out by toning up the muscles of your grill.

Exercising your face is goofy-fun and so easy to do even those of us with MS can do it!

I’ve put on my 80’s fitness gear to show you how…..

Make your face reeeeaaal small. Squeeze your eyes shut. Purse you lips like sucking on a lemon.

Then make your face big. Big as ever. Eyes wide. Mouth open (Careful of flies). And do it over and over again several times.

Scrunch your face to the right.

And take it to the left.

Do it again and again.

Wiggle your eyebrows best you can.

Puff out your cheeks.

Crinkle your sniffer.

Stick out your tongue.

Smile big.

Smile bigger.

Work your lips like you are making out with your favorite movie star. (Mine is Clint Eastwood so I’ll rethink that one!)

You can’t go wrong because ANY exaggerated movement is great for the face. And you’ll feel instant results. Your face will feel tighter, firmer and toner (Wait, that’s not a word).

You can exercise your face in just a couple of minutes. And you can do it anywhere except public places as others may think you have a tic.

Maybe as an MSer, we can’t walk so well, but we can look fabulous!

Get started now. You’ll thank me later.

*Doug pokes fun at MS and other nonsense on his humor website at myoddsock.com. He also disappoints his family on Twitter @myoddsock.

Sometimes Living with Multiple Sclerosis Can Get Overwhelming

Posted on July 17, 2017 by MSAA

By Penelope Conway

I want to talk about the elephant in the room. No, not a physical elephant, silly. I don’t think one would fit through my front door. I want to talk about depression among people living with multiple sclerosis.

Many people don’t like talking about how much a person’s life changes with an MS diagnosis or how much their life is actually spinning out of control. It’s hard facing the MS monster at every waking moment. Sure, someone living with a mild case of MS or who has a stable progression may think I’m crazy to even bring the topic up, but just because people aren’t talking about it or are choosing to hide their struggle, doesn’t mean it’s not real.

The reason depression happens is because our symptoms continually progress (meaning they keep getting worse), making life increasingly more difficult. We face things like numb body parts, fatigue, dizziness, vision loss, pain, emotional changes, decreased mobility, and lack of understanding from others. We lose jobs, friendships, financial stability and independence. There are countless challenges in every day, and as time passes they only worsen.

Personally, I have experienced changes to my body and feel them with such intensity that it’s hard to even put my disease progression into words. I can actually feel the numbness, pain and difficulties creeping up my legs, arms and my entire body as the day goes on. One day it was just my big toe that I couldn’t feel and the next it was my entire leg.

Coping with something that continues to progress over time brings on feelings of hopelessness, stress, despair, and a host of other mixed up, chaotic emotions. All I ever wanted was to fit in and have that carefree life that MS stole from me. Is it any wonder that depression happens? I mean, who wouldn’t get depressed knowing that their body was destructing from the inside, out?

There are times when it’s easy to face the challenges in a day, but sometimes it’s a battle between sanity and trying to hold on to hope for a better tomorrow. It’s when hope begins to fade and all that’s left is pain and confusion, that’s when the tears start to flow and depression rears it’s ugly head.

You may see me smiling, hear my laughter and admire my strength, but in actuality those things are covering the pain that doesn’t often get talked about…both emotional and physical pain. My smiles are real, but so are my tears. I have found that if I allow myself time to cry, the weight of everything I carry gets lighter. It’s much like a pressure reliever. I cry, vent, then take a deep breath, dry my tears and face the day. Just that little bit helps.

I also take an anti-depressant because I found myself crying all the time, even when there was nothing to cry about. I would cry over the silliest things too like forgetting a word or dropping a cup of water. Yes, me, the positive one.

I needed help and reached out to get my whacked out emotions under control. MS doesn’t differentiate between which nerves it’s going to mess with so when the nerves that help us manage our emotions short circuit, know that it’s just another part of a living with MS and that there is help out there. You don’t have to go through it alone.

If you are having a wonderful day, please don’t criticize someone that isn’t. Enjoy your day and share your sunshine with others. If you’re feeling defeated and frightened of the future, reach out to those around you for help, and if they won’t listen to your pain, questions and doubts, don’t be too ashamed to make an appointment with your doctor to talk about what’s going on.

Life may not have turned out the way you expected, but you have a story to share that can help people cope with the unplanned and unexpected. Talk about what’s going on with others. It’s time to let go of holding on so tightly to a life that once was and start living the life you have now, today. Take things one day at a time, and if needed one minute at a time.

*Penelope Conway was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in November 2011. She is the author and founder of Positive Living with MS (positivelivingwithms.com) where she uses humor and her own life experiences with MS to help others navigate this unpredictable journey. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day.

Dealing with Symptoms of Depression: Sports Car to a Jalopy

Posted on July 14, 2017 by MSAA

By Lauren Kovacs

This is kind of a touchy sticky subject for many. Depression is often brushed aside like sugar from a donut. We see it on the table and we brush it onto the floor. It might be out of the way for the moment, but you only moved it.

MS has so many issues. For me, I knew when the MS was changing and I could not deal. I was losing control of my own body. I went from a college athlete and very active to a total mess, after 18 years.

I was very angry. I felt lost. Something snatched my body. Smashing plates helped, but then trying to replace the dishes I broke was too hard.

I started seeing a talk therapist and I talked a lot. Just letting me have diarrhea of the mouth helped me cleanse my soul. Trust me, the mudslide was thick.

After about a year of just surfing the talk therapy wave, I was ready to try a tiny bit of medication. I am not one to turn to medication, but daily crying was too much. I was drowning in a mess and that was 100% not me.

I tried one anti-depressant and the heart palpitations and rage were so bad that I refused to try another. Six more months of daily crying was messing with my hydration. In addition, it took too much effort to apply eye make up only to then cry it off. I agreed to try another, reluctantly. I am very stubborn.

This particular one worked. It was just enough to help me attack the day. Before I take it, I notice I have a very defeated attitude. After I take it, I am back in the game. Put me in coach.

Symptoms of depression are complex, like anything with MS. Anything weird warrants a mention to the doctor. Telling mine was not easy. I did not like telling her about my dish smashing, but I know my “what’s the point?” comment helped her understand.

Medication or therapy may help; they may not. I find MS to be very trial and error. What helps me may not help another, but most MS people will try something new. Any “snake oil,” as my husband calls it, might work a bit.

Be open to telling someone your pain. Be open to maybe trying something. I was locked in a battle with depression that I did not have to fight. Take a deep breath and evaluate.

Try and hold onto the MS wave. Your body may need a bit of help. I now have to wear a life vest in my own pool. Yet one more thing MS took was my ability to swim. I was depressed by this fact. Now, it is a challenge. I attack buoy-training head on.

Depression comes and goes with the ebb and flow of MS. Don’t let it go, if something is getting you down. You might need a life vest. It can be embarrassing to need some help, but it is better than drowning.

MS folks live with constant loss. Loss can be depressing. I went from 60 MPH to about 10 MPH. Going from a flashy sports car to a busted up jalopy is frustrating. Mourning the loss of self is sad. It can be tough to find yourself in the mud-sidle. Keep looking.

Finding Myself In A Funk: Staving off Depression Due to MS Disease Progression

Posted on July 10, 2017 by MSAA

By Stacie Prada

Each time a symptom worsens, it can trigger fear, grief, and depression: fear for the unknown future, grief for losing some physical or cognitive ability, and depression for the sadness of the whole life with multiple sclerosis experience.

Lately, spasticity in my arms and legs is increasing. Spasticity results when the central nervous system sends messages to parts of the body involuntarily causing them to tense. It’s causing me physical pain and affecting my coordination. I’ve tackled spasticity head on by talking to my neurologist, starting medication, stretching, exercising, and getting referrals for physical and massage therapies. It’s a bit overwhelming since I have enough in my life consuming my time already. But beyond this common MS symptom is the emotional distress triggered when I think about what will likely come as my disease progresses. My mood is flirting with depression, and that worries me.

It helps me to know that our moods will always ebb and flow between the highs of joy and lows of depression. It’s impossible to experience life joys and hardships without a changing mood. For me the goal is not to avoid sadness, it’s to recognize when I’m headed for depression and use those low feelings to motivate me. I hope to redirect my behavior and thoughts to something personally productive.

Being diligent about watching for potential depression, validating feelings, taking action, and assessing the experience after each episode helps me deal with the cycles of adjustment and depression that come with having a chronic and progressively debilitating illness.

Be diligent about watching for potential depression. The goal is to anticipate when I might be susceptible and recognize the subtle signs before it’s more difficult to course correct. Some ways I’ll recognize I’m at risk for depression are the following:

If something in my life is causing increased stress or symptoms are worsening, I’ll ask myself how I feel about it. Does it feel manageable? Does it scare me? I need to pay close attention to how I’m dealing with stressful situations and be on the lookout for depression.
Friends and neighbors check in on me when my routine is unusual, and I try to be someone who checks in on others. It’s critical to let them know I appreciate it when they check in, otherwise they may feel discouraged from doing so.
I try to notice if I’m declining activities I enjoy because they seem like too much effort. Given that fatigue can contribute to this, it’s good to be honest about the reason for the decision. We don’t do ourselves any favors with self-deception. We just delay helping ourselves out of a difficult situation and potentially increase our suffering.
Trust and encourage people close to me to let me know if they think something is off with me.

Validate feelings. Remember our physical and emotional health are inextricably entwined. Recognize that it’s normal to feel depressed when our health is declining. It’s not a character flaw or personal failing to experience feelings of depression. Give yourself credit for doing as well as you’re doing. Consider that you have a lot of skills that keep you living well with your condition and that needing more help is reasonable and going to happen periodically. Remind yourself that you don’t have to feel terrible and these feelings don’t need to last forever. There are actions we can take that can help.

Take action. I’ve found that if I can take just one little step to offset my low mood, it can put me on a path toward feeling optimistic and empowered again. Intentionally make the first step small. Success is what’s needed at this point to encourage taking the next small step that will hopefully lead to more.

Do things that naturally help your body release mood-boosting endorphins. Use the mind-body connection to your advantage by listening to music you love, dancing, stretching, and moving your body. Triggering your body to release endorphins won’t solve your problems, but it will make you feel better temporarily and sometimes that’s the best we can do in that moment.
Power through: Pushing yourself to ignore feelings of depression can help in a moment, but recognizing depression and addressing it directly is necessary for long-term wellness.
Pursue connection: Talk to someone. Your neurologist, counselor, confidants, and online groups closed to people with MS can be a good sounding board. They can help validate your experience and help you find your way through these feelings.
Contribute: Whether it’s through work, volunteering, mentoring, or even casual encounters throughout the day, find ways to contribute to society. Knowing that your value is more than your physical abilities is crucial for adapting each time your body deteriorates. Having purpose and giving to others helps develop this sense of self-worth. There are ways to accommodate disability to continue being able to contribute even if it looks different as our disease progresses.
Seek personal growth: Learn something new, create something, or seek opportunities to see things differently than you have in the past. A change in perspective can neutralize feelings of depression dramatically.
Consider supplements and medications: Talk to your doctor about treatments available to you. They can be used temporarily to offset depression that has surpassed the point of being able to tackle without medication. Medication may also be helpful for ongoing maintenance if needed long-term.

Assess the experience. Think about what triggered feelings of depression and what helped you to feel good again so that you might be more prepared for next time. Think of it as weaving a personal safety net that includes your posse of friends, family, and health care providers along with lessons you’ve learned from past challenges. Remembering your previous successes will help you be your own inspiration when you need guidance in the future.

The time between when I start exhibiting tendencies toward depression and when I recognize it may not be as fast as I’d like, but with practice and self-awareness I keep getting faster. Improving my response time reduces periods of distress and helps me build confidence in my ability to face my future with MS. I’m still in the midst of applying these lessons to my current situation, but I think I’ve reached a turning point. I have faith in my safety net, and I know that I’ll adapt. I also believe that thriving in life doesn’t depend on life being easy; instead I think facing challenges head on with grace is what thriving looks like.

Hidden Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis We Just Don’t Talk About – (which happens to be all of them)

Posted on June 23, 2017 by MSAA

By Susan Russo

I recently visited my local CVS store. As I was in the checkout line, a gentleman and I struck up a conversation. Our discussion eventually led us to the topic of multiple sclerosis. I mentioned to him that I have MS. With a startled and unbelieving expression on his face, he said, “You have MS? No way, you have MS! You aren’t walking around like a drunk person!”

I just stood there with my mouth agape and proceeded to give him my best eye roll possible. (Eye rolls usually prompt a vertigo attack from me, but it was worth the risk). Then he asks me, “Are you sure you have MS?” I was so stunned by this ridiculous comment that I wanted to throw myself onto the floor or slam into a wall, but I politely refrained.

As I finished paying for my items and stepped away from the line, I noticed a woman giving me the, “girlllll….go-get-em-kick-his-butt look” for asking me such a stupid question. Finally, I said, with the utmost respect for his ignorance, “Yes, in fact, I do have MS.”

Believing our conversation had ended, I headed for the store exit. But this guy apparently decided to push the issue and said, “What are some of your symptoms, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Actually, I did mind, completely, but being the really nice person that I am, I said, in the longest run-on sentence I could muster, “I have burning and electric shock sensations, severe dizziness, vertigo, trouble putting my words together, fatigue so bad, I call it my “wet noodle” phase, extreme mood swings including periods of outrageous, uncontrollable laughter and moments of such despair, I think I’m in hell itself. I also have constant ringing in my ears and oh, yeah, I almost forgot, a really strange sensation of hot water being poured inside me, if you can believe it, and don’t even get me started on the incessant itching in my feet!” But hey, at least I’m not stumbling around like a drunk person!

He looked at me like I was absolutely insane, and said “Wow. That’s a lot of weird stuff. I don’t think you should talk about it because people probably won’t believe you.”

Exactly!

At this point, I wanted to smack this guy all the way to China, but, instead, I said, “God Bless you sir and have a nice day”, then, I said, “I will pray for you. You’re gonna need it.”

Here’s the thing. So many of us with MS don’t want to talk about it. Especially those really weird, unexplained sensations. Because, like the gentleman in the CVS store, people simply do not believe you. And sometimes, that even includes our own medical professionals.

I once told my doctor I could feel electric shocks in my legs along with a “biting foil” sensation. He said, “Well, I don’t know what that is, but I don’t think it’s a symptom of MS.”

Here’s the deal. Some of the most not-talked-about effects of MS are the worst and most difficult to handle, especially if our “truth” is not validated.

We want someone to just listen; to really hear what we are experiencing and acknowledge it’s existence.

When we are denied our “truth”, this says to me that my disease is not real. Well, I’m here to tell you, my MS and it’s plethora of ongoing reality is real. Period. End of story.

So, to that I say, talk about your unseen silent symptoms of MS. Share them with those who love and care about you. They will listen. They will believe.

And if they don’t, just do what I do. Roll your eyes in the back of your head, wave your hand, put a little “sass” in your step and say, “WHaaaatttt-Evvvvvr!”

Then, quietly walk away and pray you didn’t just set off a major episode of vertigo.

FOLLOW MSAA ON: