MS Skills

By Doug Ankerman

It can be difficult to accept when multiple sclerosis steals your ability to work.  A lifetime of training and talent gone.  Poof.  I know it was for me after giving over twenty years of sweat and soul in radio and advertising.

But because you have MS doesn’t mean it’s over, man.  You simply need to change your perspective.

Having MS has given me (and probably you) a whole new skill-set from which to draw upon.

Let me explain with a tongue-in-cheek look at an MSer’s new level of expertise…..

Meticulous Note Taker:  You write down everything to recall dates, times, appointments, names, to-do, shopping lists and more.  Sticky notes are your blessing.  And because your handwriting is so sloppy – only YOU can decipher your scribbles.

Medical Equipment Operator:  You are quick to determine which piece of equipment you will need to accomplish a task.  “I have the energy to walk today with canes.”  Or, “I feel weak so I’ll use a scooter.”  Also, you are the only one who knows how to properly collapse a rollator/wheelchair.

Personal Charging Station:  You can doze off anytime, anywhere, in any situation or body position.  Only you can snooze in a straight-back chair.  Ten minutes to recharge and refuel and you are good to go.

Pro MRI Taker:  You have done this so many times there is no fear of the tube.  You thumb your nose at a Contrast.  By knowing the difference of the machine’s bings and boings, you know when you can wriggle, shift and scratch.

Restroom Consultant:  Because of MS, you have tried them all.  Therefore you know the best and the worst.  The clean and the filthy.  The accessible & the not so.  Because of your expertise, some call you the “Triple A” of public bathrooms.

Floor Surface Evaluator:  You have the ability to determine the walk-ability of the environment.  You are alert to surfaces that are rough, slippery, thick, plush, wet or uneven.  Uphill and downhill are no match to an MSer’s precise judgment.

Finally,

Stain Lifter:  As one with MS you know how to get out food stains.  You know when to blot and when to dab.  When to rinse in cold water or when to pre-soak.  While some carry an EpiPen, those of us with MS are never far from a Tide-To-Go.  Being sloppy has a down-side, but an MSer is always prepared.

See, you DO have skills and talents that set you apart from the rest.  Most importantly, you have the confidence to look MS in the eye and prevail.  Multiple sclerosis can’t take your determination, intelligence, or guts unless you allow it.  Hold your head up.  Be proud.  And keep fighting.

*Doug pokes fun at MS and other nonsense on his humor website at myoddsock.com. He also disappoints his family on Twitter @myoddsock.

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Exercise Your Face Off

By Doug Ankerman

I’m a huge advocate of exercise and stretching in the battle with multiple sclerosis.

Though I understand many of us (me included) have trouble with standing, walking and some basic movements of working out, there is one neglected area of our body we CAN exercise…our face!

Did you know you have 43 muscles in your face just waiting to be used?

Instead, we let gravity take over by pulling our faces downward.  Sagging till we look less like ourselves – and more like Droopy Dog.

Forget all those age-reducing potions and the creamy-crap you smear on each day.  Start looking younger from the inside out by toning up the muscles of your grill.

Exercising your face is goofy-fun and so easy to do even those of us with MS can do it!

I’ve put on my 80’s fitness gear to show you how…..

Make your face reeeeaaal small.  Squeeze your eyes shut.  Purse you lips like sucking on a lemon.

Then make your face big.  Big as ever.  Eyes wide.  Mouth open (Careful of flies).  And do it over and over again several times.

Scrunch your face to the right.

And take it to the left.

Do it again and again.

Wiggle your eyebrows best you can.

Puff out your cheeks.

Crinkle your sniffer.

Stick out your tongue.

Smile big.

Smile bigger.

Work your lips like you are making out with your favorite movie star.  (Mine is Clint Eastwood so I’ll rethink that one!)

You can’t go wrong because ANY exaggerated movement is great for the face.  And you’ll feel instant results.  Your face will feel tighter, firmer and toner (Wait, that’s not a word).

You can exercise your face in just a couple of minutes.  And you can do it anywhere except public places as others may think you have a tic.

Maybe as an MSer, we can’t walk so well, but we can look fabulous!

Get started now.  You’ll thank me later.

*Doug pokes fun at MS and other nonsense on his humor website at myoddsock.com. He also disappoints his family on Twitter @myoddsock.

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B & B

By Doug Ankerman

Let’s be frank.  You have MS.  I have MS.  So we have that in common.

It also means we may have similar problems when it comes to B & B.  No, not bed & breakfast.  B & B as in bowel & bladder.

Yeah it’s not enough that MS throws a wrench in the works with our gait, balance, vision, emotions, memory, dexterity and much more – but it also takes a swing below the belt with potty stuff, namely lightning-fast urgency to go and crushing constipation.

But after over 20 years of shared bliss with multiple sclerosis, I’m used to it.  In fact, the bowel and bladder have become such an influential part of my life, I carry their picture in my wallet.

Every day my bowel & bladder taunt me, tease me and pick on me like two older brothers raze the youngest sibling.  So I must stay close to the little boy’s room.  At times it’s like being tethered to the toilet.  I feel like an astronaut on a spacewalk, only getting so far away from the ship.  Or the bathroom in my case.

As a result, I believe my bladder has some type of built-in sensor, like a urological GPS unit.

It knows the location of every restroom near and far.  And like a dog, I must leave my mark in every one.

Another element of MS you probably already know…is the closer you get to the bathroom – the more urgent you have to go.  Sometimes my urge is so strong I begin the whole “unsnapping, unbuckling and unzipping” process before I get the door closed.

And be warned as the “festivities of going” usually begin as soon as your foot crosses the threshold of the bathroom.  The bladder figures “Hey, I’m in the war zone, might as well fire the first shot!”

I could go on why we MSer’s are so consumed with our “B & B’s”, but what’s the point.

We really aren’t that fond of these vital organs, they simply control our every movement…Strike that (Poor word choice)…MSers must keep close tabs of every nuance of our faculties.

Just add it to everything else we have to be aware of, right?

Keep fighting.

*Doug pokes fun at MS and other nonsense on his humor website at myoddsock.com. He also disappoints his family on Twitter @myoddsock.

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