Relationship Changes: How an MS Diagnosis Can Change Relationships

By: Stacie Prada

The personal growth that can come after an MS diagnosis affects our relationships drastically. In facing our fears, the unpredictability of MS, and grieving the future we envisioned, our relationships can’t help but change. The experience reveals the dynamics that no longer support our mental and physical health or the future we now need. A friendship or marriage can blossom, or it can crumble from the magnitude and pace of change. And the outcome doesn’t dictate the value of the relationship, determine the efforts taken to maintain it, or judge each person’s character.

I may have been on a life path where my way of interacting would have evolved this way without an MS diagnosis, but I think the diagnosis definitely accelerated my need to take care of myself.

I don’t relate to people exactly the same anymore. I strive to notice when I’m contributing to a poor dynamic, own my words and actions, and distinguish between my issues and other people’s issues. It allows me to have some control over my life instead of unconsciously reacting to circumstances. It also reduces the stress that comes from feeling responsible for other people’s feelings and actions and trying to fix everything.

Some people saw this as rejection or abandonment. Others embraced it, and our interactions flourished. To me it felt like I was supporting them with new behaviors that weren’t at my expense and inviting them to join me.

I appreciate all of these relationships regardless of where they are today. These people are all a part of my life and history. I want to support them in their own life paths that are best for them whether our paths continue to cross or not.

*Stacie Prada was diagnosed with RRMS in 2008 at the age of 38. Her blog, “Keep Doing What You’re Doing” is a compilation of inspiration, exploration, and practical tips for living with Multiple Sclerosis while living a full, productive, and healthy life with a positive perspective. It includes musings on things that help her adapt, cope and rejoice in this adventure on earth. Please visit her at http://stacieprada.blogspot.com/

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The Decision To Go

A friend of mine recently left for a Peace Corps assignment. Two years in Thailand. Not the tourist sector or the flashy areas you see in magazines but very rural areas that you may have never heard of or that ever get much attention. Her journey to finding the Peace Corps and ultimately the decision to go wasn’t easy. She went back and forth and more than once was tempted to say “No, it sounds good but not for me”. Ultimately after one delay and many long stretches of talking with her family and friends she made the decision to go. Listening to her talk about it made me stop to think of the decisions in life that we make. How we come to crossroads, opportunities or big decisions and have to decide left or right, to go or to stay.

There are plenty of times in our lives that we sit down with our trusty pen and paper, or notebook app what have you, to make the list of Pros and Cons that we ultimately hope will clearly spell out what we should do. But what happens when you’re in a dead heat? When the reasons to go equal the number of reasons to stay? When it means leaving familiar surroundings or being uncomfortable? When you aren’t really sure and the idea of just deciding is pretty daunting. If you’re my friend you take the leap of faith and hope that it works out. But many people (myself included at times) find this, making the decision, hard to do. This month we talked about goal setting and resolution keeping, about ways we can branch out and make changes. But change is difficult. It can be messy and complicated and downright scary. The decision to leave a job you’ve been at for a while or to take on a new challenge. To talk with our doctor about a possible prognosis or make changes to our lifestyle. All the changes, they start with a decision.Challenge-Quotes-57

The decisions we make and the paths we go down may be complicated and the path I chose may not look anything like yours. But deciding to go, to change, to work through the problem, to have that tough talk with your spouse or go to see the physician is worth the skipped beat your heart makes when you do it. To get over that first step…the decision… then to move into the next phase and see where it takes you.

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How Small Changes Can Make a Big Difference in the New Year

By: Matt Cavallo

While most people are planning for their New Year’s resolutions, many of us with multiple sclerosis are just trying to feel normal again after all the holiday activities. The problem with the holidays is that they take us out of our normal routines and create financial and emotional stress. When we go outside of our normal routine or have increased stress, we unknowingly put ourselves at risk for an MS exacerbation, or relapse.

Last year I blogged, “Tips for Avoiding a Post-Holiday Multiple Sclerosis Flare”, which can be read by clicking here. Those tips include: developing a financial plan, changing eating habits, exercising, getting back on your schedule and setting attainable goals. You can enjoy the holidays, but it is critical to have a plan to get back on track.

Most times my tips come from lessons I’ve learned the hard way. Instead of taking my own advice last year I tried to be super dad and ran myself ragged. I spent the next couple of months trying to recover from the MS fatigue, was unable to take off the extra holiday weight and had to buy new pants with a stretchy waist band.

You see, you don’t have to wait until the New Year for a do-over. Resolutions can start at any time. Mine was to ditch the stretchy pants. I made sure to start working towards it before the holiday season began. I also made a couple of smart decisions along the way.

I took extra time off to make sure that I wasn’t stressed with last minute running around. Taking care of the gifts ahead of time also softened the financial stress of the season, because the costs were spread out. We didn’t stray too much from our regular diet, but did allow some holiday goodies. I also made sure to take extra time to rest. Taking the time off to spend with my family allowed me to be super dad and catch up on rest.

With all of the planning I did ahead of time, I am much less stressed and fatigued than last year. I am also down a couple of pounds and can ditch the stretchy pants. I’m still not exactly where I want to be yet, but I am working on it. A pleasant side effect of implementing a resolution before the New Year is that I actually believe that I have some attainable goals that I can stick to.

What I learned is that I don’t need a holiday to commit to feeling better. I cannot control what MS does to me, but I can control other things like fitting into my pants. Making small changes can have a big impact on how you feel or how fatigued you are. What little changes are you going to make in 2015?

Thank you for your continued readership and support. Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy New Year!

*Matt Cavallo was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2005. Matt is an MS blogger, author, patient advocate, and motivational speaker. Matt also has his Master’s degree in Public Health Administration. Matt is the proud father of his two sons, loving husband to his wife, Jocelyn, and best friend to his dog, Teddy. Originally from the Boston suburbs, Matt currently resides in Arizona with his family. To learn more about Matt, please visit him at : http://mattcavallo.com/blog/

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Spring Cleaning

To many people springtime symbolizes a fresh start. The change in seasons from winter to spring offers hope and the opportunity to make changes and do some “spring cleaning” for many. When people hear this term, different pictures may come to mind, like cleaning the house, washing windows, or cleaning gutters in preparation for upcoming summer months. However, the concept of spring cleaning can represent anything you want it to. One type of cleaning can be shown in the physical sense – like washing floors, walls and windows. Another form can include straightening out closets or reorganizing drawers and files. Or in another sense, this spring cleaning can be more personal in nature, one in which the ‘cleaning’ occurs on the inside. It may be an opportunity to make changes or adjustments to old routines, to set new goals, or to just make time for yourself, to clear your mind and open yourself up to new possibilities. Spring cleaning doesn’t have to mean giving the house a makeover; it can mean something more personal and private – a cleansing of sorts that may not necessarily be visually captured, but a cleaning that you know has occurred.

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