Measuring Success

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Sometimes life can be tough, and we may have to hear feedback that we don’t want to receive or work through challenging situations we don’t want to encounter. Like when the school says that your child is just not able to do what other kids can, or when your boss says that you are not keeping up to the standards the workplace requires, and if something doesn’t change soon, they’re going to have to let you go.

It is never easy or pleasant to deal with times where your “actions” or a loved one’s “actions“ are not “measuring up” to the expectations of what is required in a situation. This may occur when a real issue arises, i.e. if you are a nurse you need to have the ability to properly measure medications, and not doing this in a proper way can lead to major harm, or if your child needs a specific educational plan of action and you don’t get them help, it could be a big disservice.

Alternately, these types of situations can occur when the other person has a different “measuring stick” than you do, like if your old boss understood that you needed to take an afternoon break to be recharged and on your game for the rest of the day, but a new boss is inflexible and slams your work performance for taking a break. This type of situation can lead to major frustration and anger on both sides of the coin. The new boss has a different measurement they are using for success.

So, when it is not just a situation you have to own up to or seek support to overcome, how do you get the other party who is using a different measuring stick to see reason? First, check your own thought process by bouncing the situation off of a trusted friend, family member, or co-worker. Do they agree that you are being reasonable, or do they bring up good counterpoints for you to consider? Second, check for any formal supports or avenues for recourse. This might include documenting this situation and your concerns, or seeking out formal supports. In this workplace scenario, it might include talking with HR and asking for a formal workplace accommodation. It may also include you documenting your work actions more carefully or capturing feedback from clients or co-workers about your work to allay concerns presented by the new boss.

Not every difficult situation can be resolved, especially if neither person can compromise or shift how they are measuring success. You can do your part by being proactive in trying to see how the other person is viewing the situation, and trying to present your own views and insights in a clear and rational manner. Sometimes even simply acknowledging that you are looking at the situation from two different vantage points can allow enough of a bridge to achieve some type of workable solution.

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MS Means Managing Your Energy

SherylBy: Sheryl Skutelsky

It’s Football Season! So, what does that have to do with MS? Well, in my case an unexpected wonderful opportunity to travel to meet my son to see my very first live NFL game. This opportunity truly once again brought to light the ways in which I have to live my life a bit differently from everyone else.

My dad wanted a boy, but instead he got me, an only child. So, I was placed in front of the television from as early as I can remember to watch the Jets play. I was taught every rule and regulation.

I’ve lived my entire life in New York, but for some reason my son had been a Packers fan from as early as I can remember. He dreamed of getting tickets to Lambeau Stadium for over 20 years. He finally had tickets for the Packer’s first home game against the Jets, but he broke up with the girl that was supposed to accompany him.

I get a call from my 31 year old son, now living in Houston, asking me if I would like to meet him in Green Bay for my birthday to finally get to see my Jets play live. Instantly I was ecstatic and panicked at the same time!

MS means managing your energy to avoid overwhelming fatigue. I didn’t have enough warning to rest all week for this trip. I also remember my son telling me that as a teenager he often felt that I wasn’t there for him; I was always too tired. I hadn’t been diagnosed yet, and my son rationally understands now why I was always tired, but I didn’t want to let him down this special weekend.

Well, the Packers beat the Jets, and I came home a Packers fan, but more importantly, my son and I had such a special weekend together. He had tattooed the MS logo on his ankle for me several years ago which meant a lot, but this weekend he also showed me that he truly understood how I had to live a little differently with MS.

My son did all the driving, took care of me, kept me out of the sun as much as possible, and made sure I got time to rest. We had such a great time together in Wisconsin, and my son told me how proud he is to tell people how his mom doesn’t let MS stop her from enjoying life. After all, what more can a mother ask for?

*Sheryl Skutelsky, diagnosed in 2001, has learned how to live positively with multiple sclerosis. Sheryl’s passion has always been graphic design. Her symptoms have become an inconvenience to her work, so she now uses her skills and creativity to reach out to others about MS. Sheryl is a patient advocate speaker for Biogen Idec. She also writes for Healthline.com, and she is an Internet radio host with her own show, Fix MS Now. Check out her Fix MS Now page on Facebook which has more than 10,000 followers. You can help raise MS awareness one “like” at a time by visiting: http://www.facebook.com/fixmsnow.

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Inside My Bubble, Prepared for Anything

By: Jeri Burtchell

I like to think of myself as a planner. Now, before those of you who know me collapse into uncontrollable laughter, let me explain. I don’t plan as in “wedding planner” or even use a “day planner.” In truth, I’m a perfect candidate for one of those intervention reality shows.

I never said I plan in a structured, well thought-out manner. No, I’m motivated by more of a panic-driven, deeply troubled, “what-if” thought process I learned from my mother. I have cultivated an emergency response for every possible scenario that could come along in life. I have prepared for catastrophic events that may or may not ever happen.

Mom and I have our fire season evacuation box, our hurricane season supply stash, and when I travel I have a whole suitcase packing ritual designed to make life easier in the event that things go wrong. When connections are missed or there are bathroom emergencies, I know I can count on the contents of my purse or roller bag to rescue me.

I like to think of this as part of my MS Bubble. Since I was diagnosed in 1999 and have come to realize how unpredictable it can be, one small thing that gives me solace is having my MS Bubble.

Jeri blogIt’s a sort of invisible force field I’ve visualized that surrounds me. Inside I have everything I might need to deal with unpredictable events. Things that define my comfort or bring me joy are always close at hand.

Others might say my bubble is nothing more than my “comfort zone,” and in the classic sense, I guess it is. When I’m working, it’s right here at my desk. In my bubble/comfort zone, I keep the necessities of life. I have everything from a box of tissues to device charging cables.

While others look at my workstation and see a chaotic mess, I see a symphony of bubble-friendly instruments, each playing a part in bringing me comfort. I choose to forgo the aesthetic appeal of minimalism. I’d rather have clutter, as long as it’s purposeful clutter. Who can say I won’t need that thermometer mere inches from my keyboard?

My sweater stays on the back of my chair, always at hand in case I get chilled. Slippers are close by.

My smartphone is the most indispensable tool in my bubble. It connects me socially, delivers my mail, reminds me to take medications, tells me what the weather is like outside, and will distract me with games if I let it.

The point is, I have made my life as comfortable as I can, given the unpredictability of MS (and of life itself!). Although my bubble does not appear to be in any semblance of order to the untrained eye, it works for me.

I haven’t “planned” my bubble this way as in planning-a la-Martha-Stewart. It is only an ever-evolving collection of habits and things that aid me in everyday life. So I am soothed by the knowledge that, even when my MS symptoms are acting up, my MS bubble is always there, ready to comfort me.

Perhaps it’s eccentric of me to imagine this “bubble,” but visualization is a coping mechanism that works for me. I once got through the claustrophobia of an unmedicated MRI by imagining I was at the beach. My “vacation” was so enjoyable I was almost sad when the MRI ended. The protective “bubble” just works for me.

If you can develop coping strategies – whether or not they involve visualizing your own bubble – whatever works to keep you calm, centered, comfortable, and in a joyful state of mind is all that matters. So think about your situation and what things bother you the most. Then go about “planning” to deal with them ahead of time.

Create your own comfort zone, your own MS Bubble.

And if you’re a friend or family member of someone coping with MS, you might want to consider memorizing these 12 things you should never say to someone with a chronic condition.

But please add one more: Never say, “I took the liberty of cleaning up your desk. Hope you don’t mind – it was a real MESS!”

Why, that would just burst my bubble!

References:
Photo credit: Jeff Kubina, used with permission under the Creative Commons License
http://www.healthline.com/health-news/ms-12-things-not-to-say-022814#1

*Jeri Burtchell was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. She has spoken from a patient perspective at conferences around the country, addressing social media and the role it plays in designing clinical trials. Jeri is a MS blogger, patient activist, and freelance writer for the MS News Beat of Healthline.com. She lives in northeast Florida with her youngest son and elderly mother. When not writing or speaking, she enjoys crafting and photography.

 

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The Impact of MS on Everyday life

Earlier this year, MultipleSclerosis.net conducted an on-line study called the MS in America Study (MSIA), which aimed to gather information from people who have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. The study was conducted with a goal of gaining a better understanding of the current status and trends in patients with MS. The survey covered a broad range of topics, including diagnosis, symptoms, treatment, and living with MS. A total of 6,202 people started the survey, of which 5,710 were eligible (diagnosed with MS, at least 18 years of age and were either US residents or US citizens living abroad); 5,004 completed the study.

One key area of interest in the MS community is the actual impact that this disease has on the everyday lives of patients and family members of those with MS. A section of the MSIA study asked participants a series of questions that focused on everyday life with MS, and the results are quite compelling. Of 5,514 respondents, the vast majority (77%, n=4,244) said that they are no longer able to do as much as they used to before having MS. Nearly half noted that they are unable to work (43.1%, n=2,374), and a similar percentage of respondents (44.8%, n=2,472) were receiving disability benefits.

The majority of survey participants reported having children (72.5%, n=4,028 of 5,554), and not surprisingly, of those, most felt that MS had impacted their relationship with their children in some way. Check out the pie chart below to see how MS has impacted participants’ relationships with their children:

MSIA children impact

When asked about their relationship status, most reported either being married (61.7%, n=3,417 of 5,541) or in a committed relationship (11.8%, 653 of 5,541). Interestingly, nearly half (46.1%, 1,872 of 4,063) of those who were in a relationship reported being in that relationship for 21 years or more. Similar to the impact of MS on relationships with their children, most participants felt that MS had an impact on their relationship with their spouse or significant other. Nearly half (43.5%, 1,767) reported that MS had “a little bit” of an impact, while 38.7% (n=576) responded either “quite a bit” or “a great deal.” Only 17.7% (n=721) of respondents felt that MS didn’t have any impact on their relationship. Interestingly, an analysis of these data showed that the length of the relationship did not correlate with the level of impact that MS had on that relationship.

Because MS can impact a person’s life in many ways, it is critical that patients have a strong support system in place to help them cope with this condition. MSIA participants were asked some questions related to their support networks, and the majority (58.7%, n=2,941 of 5013) reported having a loved one who is actively involved in managing their MS. Support networks include spouses, children, parents, friends, significant others, and other relatives.

Of the 2,941 people who responded to the question, “How does your caregiver help you manage your MS?,” the majority (74%, n=2,180) said that their caregivers help out during an exacerbation, while most said their caregivers help out with transportation to and from appointments, and many also receive help from their caregivers with managing their medication.

MSIA support system

Fortunately, in addition to loved ones, there are many other resources available to provide support for people with MS. Over 87% (4,267 of 4,881) of those in the MSIA study said that they rely on MS-specific websites to learn about or manage their MS, more than half (68.8%, n=3,357) read MS magazines/publications as a resource, and many (45.2%, n=2,204) also use social media outlets, like Facebook, for support.

Results of the MSIA study confirm that the impact of MS on the everyday lives of patients and loved ones is significant, and that there is great value in the support systems that are available. To read more about this study and to see additional results, click here.

Tell us more about how MS has changed your life! Who and what do you rely on for support?

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Being Careful to a Fault

There is a very common saying – “you can never be too careful” – which indicates that being cautious and careful in our actions is a good way to avoid all kinds of negative outcomes or disruptions in our lives. But there is such a thing as being too careful.

By cyclonebill (Iskaffe) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsI’m reminded of when trying to pour something how you typically line it up and pour carefully so as not to spill any liquid. Sometimes the angles or shapes of the object you are pouring will not match up in the right way, and if you pour too slowly some liquid can spill out the side. Alternately, if you are pouring slowly and carefully but the cup is heavy, your hand might begin to tremble or shake, causing you to spill. Sometimes you’ve just got to go for it, and take the risk of making a huge mess with the fast pour.

The same things happen in life; sometimes you decide you just need to make a change and go after it. It may not always work out, but life has its own ups and downs, and carefully laid plans don’t always work out either. If there is something you have been wanting or waiting to do but are too risk adverse, remember that there are times to try and line things up carefully and go through all the actions to obtain an outcome in a planned out way, and sometimes you just have to take charge and make it happen whenever that opportunity arises.

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National Day of Gratitude

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
― William Arthur Ward

Thank someone on National Day of GratitudeRecently on Facebook, a trend has emerged where individuals are challenged to list three things that they are thankful for and re-post three new things for five days in a row. At the end of the five days, they are to nominate other friends to complete the five-day challenge.

Although sharing feelings of appreciation or value can occur on any day, sometimes it takes a nomination from a friend, or a national “holiday” to remind us to share those thoughts with others. The expression of personal emotions and feelings are often the most difficult to convey. Assumptions are made that the other party understands our feelings without ever discussing them. But as the quote at the top illustrates, having gratitude means nothing without sharing it with others.

So while it is important to personally remind ourselves of the things we feel grateful for, it is also important to share it. Writing a letter, posting to Facebook, or making a phone call are some of the ways to reach out to someone to say that you are grateful for them.

This Sunday, September 21st is the National Day of Gratitude. In what ways will you show your gratitude? Leave a message in the comments section to share your appreciation and gratefulness.

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It’s beginning to look a lot like fall….

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Cooler temps forecast across parts of the country this week remind us that the fall season is approaching. Cooler nights, falling leaves and seasonal colors like orange and yellow are some of the trademarks of this festive time of year. Though some areas are still consumed by warm temperatures and strong sun rays, it is the time of year where the seasons start to evolve.

For those affected by the heat, fall is a welcomed time of the year that brings with it opportunities to enjoy the outdoors in a more comfortable manner. Sports activities, ball games, gardening and festive fall events are some ways to embrace the season’s change by spending time outside, and to perhaps ‘escape’ from hibernating methods used during the summer months when the unbearable heat was avoided.

Some look at the season change as a way to start new ventures, set new goals, or make plans for the rest of the year. New beginnings can create feelings of excitement and hope as new memories are made and added to those past. Though change can be difficult at times, it’s how you embrace it and make it work for you that matters. How the journey is spent experiencing something new is as important as the destination.

What are you looking forward to this fall?

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I have MS – Can I Still Get a Flu Vaccine?

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Colorful foliage, the scent of pumpkin spice, football games…Ah, there are so many things to love about the cooler weather! Unfortunately, the approaching flu season is not one of them. Around this time of year and throughout the fall and winter seasons, we often encounter individuals with multiple sclerosis who wonder if they can still protect themselves from the influenza virus by getting a vaccine.

In most cases, “yes,” although anyone considering a flu shot should check with his or her doctor in advance. Also, if you have MS, you should first consider the following points before getting a flu vaccine:

Make sure you are getting the injected type of vaccine: Flu vaccines usually come in two forms – injected and intranasal. Because the intranasal variety contains a live rather than inactive virus, it is not recommended for people with MS. If considering a vaccine containing a live virus, please consult your doctor.

Consider whether you are currently having a relapse: People experiencing an MS relapse are often advised to wait a period of time before receiving a vaccine. Talk to your doctor to find out if this waiting period applies to you.

Talk to your physician first: Whether or not you are currently experiencing MS symptoms, it’s always important to consult with your physician before getting a vaccine. Discussing your plan with your doctor will ensure you are getting the right vaccination at the right time for you.

Want to learn more about MS and vaccinations? This information was adapted from MSAA’s July 2013 article, “Vaccine Safety and MS,” which was written by Susan Wells Courtney and reviewed by Jack Burks, MD, MSAA’s Chief Medical Officer.

No one wants to miss out on the fun of fall and winter because of the flu. But having MS doesn’t mean you can’t help protect yourself against influenza. For more information on preventing the flu, you can also read, “Angel’s Tips for the MS Community on Getting Prepared for Winter.”

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Summer Reflection

By: Matt Cavallo

For me, having MS sometimblog pices means more sleep. This is especially the case for me with two young boys, who don’t tend to sleep in and have endless amounts of energy. I find that when the seasons turn to fall and the long sunny days turn to long dark nights, I find myself chronically tired and needing to hibernate. When I feel like I need more sleep, I draw on lessons learned from the summer.

This June, my wife and I decided to drive to take the kids to Legoland in San Diego. San Diego is about a five hour drive from my house, so we loaded up the minivan and hit the road for a three day vacation. Prior to that vacation, I put it in my mind that it was going to be hot and that I was going to be waiting in long lines for the rides, but that I needed to give my kids a vacation to remember.

The first day took a lot out of me. The drive was exhausting. Even though the kids behaved and there was only a little traffic, driving that long can be taxing. However, once we got to the hotel, the kids wanted to play. Even though I was exhausted, we met up with friends and went to the beach. I spent the entire time at the beach playing in the water with the kids. After about twelve hours of going non-stop, we went to the hotel and I crashed.

The next morning came too early, but the kids were up and ready to go. I felt like if I could just get a little more sleep, I would have energy for Lego Land. More sleep was not to be had but we spent an awesome twelve hours running around the amusement park, going on the rides and playing the games. The sun was brutal and beat me down as I waited for ride after ride. By the time we got to bed, I was so exhausted that I didn’t think I could possibly pull it together another day.

The next day came and I needed just a little more sleep, but that was not going to happen. It was day two at Lego Land and the kids were ready. It was a repeat of the first day and the kids were having the time of their lives. We spent another twelve hours roaming the park being roasted in the early summer sun. By the time we got back to the hotel, I thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion, but the kids wanted to swim at the pool. So even though I had expended all my energy at the park, I needed to dig down and find the inspiration for one more hour of activities.

While I was sitting at the pool watching the boys swim, I thought that this is what life was all about. It turned out that I didn’t need more sleep. Sure I was tired and the sun and MS fatigue were wearing on me, but I needed to be there. At this moment, having MS meant time with my sons. So many times, I had let my MS fatigue get the best of me, but I fought through it to create memories that will last a lifetime.

As I look forward to the fall season and the long nights, I think back to that summer vacation. I look back at how I was fatigued and didn’t think I would make it, but created precious memories. For me it is all about getting going, because for me getting started is the hardest part. This fall, I am not going to require more sleep. I am going to spend more time with my sons, because that is what motivates me to keep going. What lessons from summer are you going to use to keep going this fall?

*Matt Cavallo was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2005. Matt is an MS blogger, author, patient advocate, and motivational speaker. Matt also has his Master’s degree in Public Health Administration. Matt is the proud father of his two sons, loving husband to his wife, Jocelyn, and best friend to his dog, Teddy. Originally from the Boston suburbs, Matt currently resides in Arizona with his family. To learn more about Matt, please visit him at : http://mattcavallo.com/blog/

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National Preparedness Month

September marks the observance of National Preparedness Month, a time when individuals are encouraged to make safety plans and preparations in case of emergencies, such as natural disasters, for the protection of themselves and family members.

Family standing outside house illustration

With the atypical weather conditions experienced throughout different parts of the country this year especially, like the harsh winter months and peculiar storms, it is important to have emergency plans in place to prepare for such conditions. Discussing strategies with your family members or neighbors can help to increase cohesiveness and coordination when planning for emergency situations. Individuals with disabilities should develop strategies that will accommodate personal needs in case of an emergency as well, including how to move within the household if the power were to go out and safe exit strategies if you need to evacuate the home.

Websites like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and ready.gov provide information and materials for individuals to make plans and build safety kits for emergency preparedness.  Here are some additional tips to consider when creating emergency plans:

  • Develop a plan that is accommodating for everyone’s needs in the household. If someone has a disability, try to consider and incorporate those needs into emergency plans and evacuation strategies.
  • Ensure all household members are aware of the plans and what their role is in implementing them.
  • Stay informed about emergency preparedness by checking media and news sources often.

Increasing awareness of how to protect yourself and the ones you care for in an emergency can aid in making thoughtful and careful decisions in unexpected situations. Take this time to learn more about National Preparedness Month and educate others as well!

 

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