Most invitations sound great when they come, but for many with MS, it’s simply impossible to predict the way one might feel the day of the event. Symptoms can change, flare-ups can occur, and/or exhausting fatigue might set in. The desire to go may still strongly be there, but the physical strength and wellbeing are not. A response of “maybe I’ll be there” is often necessary for those living with MS, and sometimes, it’s the Continue reading
Relationships are pretty often thought of strictly in the context of romantic attachments. Especially this time of year as we emphasize love and romance, couples, and all that comes along with it. But there are other relationships we sometimes forget to emphasize. Friends, family, co-workers, support group members, or neighbors. All of these, too, are relationships. It’s difficult in a world where things move a mile a minute and there is so much vying for our attention to remember to think of these other relationships and place some emphasis on them as well. Not just when the stores turn to red and pink and the costs of flowers rise to somewhat ridiculous levels.
While romantic relationships are important and make up a good portion of our understanding of relationships, support and encouragement for many often comes from those they are not romantically linked to. Friends who are there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on or a hand up when we are weak. Support group members who share their own story and listen to ours as we all try to live our lives as best we can and make the most out of all we have. Neighbors or co-workers who help us pass the time during work or who we bond with over community concerns and celebrations. These relationships, just as important as romantic ones, help shape both who we are as well as those around us and are strong bonds during trying and uncertain times. This month in addition to celebrating and relishing any romantic relationship we may be in and acknowledging the importance of this in our lives, let us take some time to also thank and celebrate the other relationships in our lives with people we love… just not in that way. Remind your friends and family what they mean to you or show appreciation and gratitude to your co-workers or support group members. It may not be the stuff of Hallmark movies but I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it that you took the time.
“What if Christmas, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Growing up, one of my favorite activities in school was around learning and exploring new cultures and how they celebrate holidays. Being so young and not yet having a chance to explore the world around me, I found it fascinating that people were different from what I assumed was the norm.
For example, in Germany, December 6th is St. Nicholas’ Day and “der Nikolaus” comes to the home of small children and brings gifts, such as sweets and chocolate, and puts them into the shoes of the children, who place them by their doors the night before. Then on the night of December 24th, Father Christmas brings presents to the children.
In Argentina, families celebrate starting Christmas Eve with a large family meal following with a fireworks display at midnight, toasting to Christmas. Many families stay up late into the night meeting with friends and family, then they will sleep all of Christmas Day.
To celebrate the New Year, people in Greece hang an onion on their door to symbolize rebirth and in the Philippines, women wear polka dot dresses and men carry coins in their pockets to symbolize prosperity and happiness for the new year.
The purpose of sharing these variations of holiday celebrations is to show that no matter how you choose to celebrate a holiday this year whether it is Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, remember that it is OK to be different. Value time spent with family, not the gifts that are given, or the decorations that are hung. Create new memories this season and don’t be afraid to veer from the holiday norm. As the Dr. Seuss quote illustrates, the holiday spirit cannot be bought from a store, the holiday is what you make of it.
If you are looking for some inspiration from other countries on how to add some new culture to your holiday, check out the Why Christmas webpage to learn more about Christmas Around the World or 123 New Year to learn about New Year’s Traditions and Customs.
How do you plan to make new memories this holiday season?
Having just polished off the leftover bird from the table, cranberry sauce and stuffing galore, you may be experiencing a sigh of relief or even a moment of anticipation as further holiday and end-of-year festivities abound.
Whether you had a pleasant or taxing Thanksgiving, you probably are not thinking about what creates a lasting holiday memory, but inevitably as the season progresses you may just think back on past holiday seasons and some of the stand-out moments which are meaningful to you. Over time, sometimes even the mishaps and anxieties which were so troublesome to you at the time may even win out for most re-counted and favored memories.
For example, I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving my dog snatched a turkey leg right off my nephew’s plate (why he had a giant turkey leg, I have no idea). I chased the dog around the dining room and battled for it. When I finally broke his hold on the greasy turkey leg, riotous laughter erupted around the table. At the moment he stole the food, my thought was, “Oh no, he ruined Thanksgiving,” but the reality was there was plenty of food to go around and everyone delighted in some comic relief. A few years later, and it has become a story we re-count when we talk about all being together and what we are thankful for (which does, in fact, include our dog).
So as the year winds down and you anticipate even more hoopla, remember that even the crazy, wild, and hectic moments can turn into those lasting, laughter-filled, or meaningful moments. Events may not turn out exactly as planned, but the love, support, and laughter of those that surround us and support us are what the holidays are all about.
The votes are in and we have a new MSAA Thanksgiving Card winner! The competition was a close one, but our big winner is…
Pumpkin Floral Arrangement!
Coming in a close second place were cards showing a puppy and a kitten, a candle centerpiece, and a festive candy turkey with two small pumpkins. Sadly, our determined and colorful turkey was also defeated, but we’re sure he at least ruffled a few feathers in the process!
We would like to thank the more than 1,200 people who took part in this year’s fun election to select MSAA’s official Thanksgiving Card for 2014! MSAA’s winning online card “Pumpkin Floral Arrangement” is now available for you to select and send electronically to everyone you know. And since the other candidates received many votes as well, MSAA is offering all six cards for you to send!
This is a great way to send Thanksgiving greetings, while showing your support of MSAA, a leading resource for the entire MS community, improving lives today through vital services and support. At this time of giving thanks, we also want to express our sincere gratitude to the many individuals who have so generously contributed to support our vital mission.
Please note that MSAA’s offices are closed for the Thanksgiving holiday on Thursday, November 27th and Friday, November 28th.
From all of us here at MSAA, please enjoy a safe and happy Thanksgiving!
Change is something that continually occurs throughout life for all people and to different degrees. Change may have very mild, subtle effects, or very significant effects depending on what’s being altered. Sometimes change can be a good thing, and sometimes not. One of the most difficult concepts to accept about change is that at times you have no control over it. In our individualized society we try to live by the mantra that we control our lives and what happens to us day-by-day, but this is not always the case. Sometimes the unexpected arises and we play no part in its occurrence. An unexpected illness, a loss, or other unforeseen situations are some of the incidences that can transpire due to no control of our own. When the unexpected occurs, what can you do to help adjust and cope with this new-found circumstance, that wasn’t necessarily welcome or planned for?
- Talk to others about the changes that have occurred. Communicating to trusted loved ones, friends or your healthcare team can help you explore ways to adjust by receiving outside perspectives.
- Reflect on what the change has affected. By recognizing what’s different you can make your own adjustments that will work for you in your day to day.
- Explore your support resources. If change has had emotional, physical, or social impacts for you, it’s important to know who you can reach out to for help.
- Bring focus to things that you enjoy and that you can control in your day-to-day. Make decisions that help to ensure that changes are modified to fit your needs.
Change can take some getting used to, especially if it’s something unpredictable. Though some things are uncontrollable and unforeseen at times, individuals do hold influence over the way they can approach change and react to it. It’s how you make the change work for you that’s significant.
Sometimes when you try to communicate with others, your point may be misconstrued, or something may be lost in translation, or you feel that no matter what you are saying the other person just doesn’t “get it.”
In my role here at MSAA, I have heard from many people who are frustrated or disappointed that someone close to them, be it a family member, a friend, or even a close co-worker (someone who they know cares about them), just doesn’t “get” MS. They may not understand the daily or even hourly ups and downs of MS, or the invisible or hidden symptoms you are trying your utmost to manage, or maybe it’s just an expectation that everything should be the same as before your diagnosis, when for you it feels like the whole world has shifted.
No one wants to feel that our friends, family, and supporters are clueless, unhelpful, or uncaring…after all you KNOW they care about you, and that’s why you include them and want them to be a part of your life, and that’s why it feels so wrong when you can’t express your needs or they don’t seem to “get” what it is you are dealing with, or struggling with, or needing.
When words aren’t enough, get graphic…and not in the style of an R-rated movie, but instead embracing that sometimes a photograph, picture, or artwork can help support what you are saying. Even a visualization can sometimes be helpful, for example, “Sarah, I know that you are trying to help, but when you say that it makes me feel like you’re asking me to put a bag with a smiley face on my head…can you picture that? ” If you picture it, a person with a smiley face bag is being asked to hide their true emotions, or even if they express those emotions they cannot be seen by others. Sarah may picture that bag the next time she wants you to turn your frown upside down and be more empathetic to your needs.
So, the next time you feel like words are just not enough: snap a photo of how you are feeling, draw a picture of your thoughts, or give a visual depiction of your concerns. You may find that a visual display is sometimes the bridge that is needed to help your support person really “get it.”
So in our day to day we sometimes overlook things that are important to us. It’s not done on purpose or due to an act of spite; it’s realistic that things get pushed to the side when we have so many other things going on. In a world such as ours with life going a mile a minute, how can things not go unnoticed? But when you do have time to talk, to listen, and be with someone else, who brings out the best of who you are? Who’s your person? Who is that being you turn to when you need someone to confide in? What is it about this person that makes you feel so comforted in communicating with them?
Every individual is different; thank goodness for that! It’s a person’s quirks, attributes, and strengths that attract us to them in the first place. We like when someone is different from us so they can offer new perspectives on things, but we also like when we share the same interests and personality traits that make the relationship flow so well. We tend to look for connections that will hopefully bring out the best in us – someone to complement our traits and allow the best part of us to shine through. We confide in others when we need to vent, discuss things out loud, and find validation for what we’re going through. It’s comforting to know that someone else is there when we need to reach out.
Your go-to person may be a family member, friend, significant other, or someone else – the relationship title doesn’t make a difference. It’s the communication and bond you share that matters. Family members may drive you crazy at times, but sometimes they’re the ones you’re closest to, without even realizing it. If you are still looking for your ‘person,’ that one who you can confide in and turn to in times of need, take another look; they may already be a part of your life…..
Who’s your person?
If you like to eat bananas, then you know that there are only a few days that they are in their prime. You go from the green tough phase, to one or two days of yellow perfection, and then the brown spots, bruises, and too sweet taste takes over.
If you eat avocados, then you know that when you buy them you have to feel them each day until they get just soft enough, and if you buy them soft, you must consume that day or miss your window of opportunity. In fact, sometimes it may seem like your avocado only has a few hour span where it is perfect for consumption.
So, what do bananas and avocados have to do with anything (aside from eating them, since they can be delicious and healthy snacks…just not served together)?
There are things in life you may want to do, but find you don’t have the time and/or the planning just never seems to work out. You know, like when you belong to a gym, but every time your schedule has an opening you are too fatigued to go. What about that painting class you wanted to take, but it is only held on a weeknight. which is really inconvenient? Sometimes you may be dealing with a banana situation where you only have one or two days which might work or an avocado situation where you feel you have mere hours to make something happen.
Yes, life is complicated and busy, and can be extremely overwhelming. MS often throws a wrench into all of those carefully laid plans, but if there are things that you want to do: meet up with your friends, take that class, and get to the gym. Despite MS, the time is ripe to take charge and enjoy all of those things you want to do with your life. Sometimes it may take careful planning, re-prioritizing, and positive self-talk to get you there, but it’s worth trying. There may be cancelled appointments and days when you need to take a nap instead, but don’t let those days take over for planning for every other day.
After all, you probably still buy bananas even though you know you might not get to eat each one before it turns brown, and if you aren’t already acquainted, please meet your new friend guacamole.
After a long and seasonably warm 4th of July holiday weekend, it may be time to relax and recover a bit from the weekend’s festivities and weather. A long holiday weekend can tire anyone out, and for those with MS, the heat index does not add favorably to the situation. Spending time with loved ones and friends, though enjoyable, can be tiring as well, so make sure to focus on your needs and health after these get-togethers. Take some time for yourself-retreat to cooler environments, take a stroll in the evening to unwind, or settle down with a hobby or activity you favor. Taking a time out from busy activities can help you catch your breath and get back into a routine that works in your day to day.
What do you do to wind down?